The picture of this article comes from the film "Happy Events in China"
The older you get, the more you feel that you have nothing to say, and looking at everything in the world is like looking down on a big meat worm in the clouds, squirming aimlessly, bulging here, concave there, chaotic, dizzy, beginningless, endless. The various battles and all kinds of hilarity that I paid great attention to when I was young are now drifting away and appearing more and more insignificant, and the weight of the thousands of junks at that time now seems to have become a ball of cotton, without weight.
After stopping all the rush, including travel and work, I feel like I'm home, but in fact, staying in a corner and staying motionless is a really comfortable lifestyle compared to being busy. When I lay on my one-meter-eight-wide bed and looked at the ceiling, my mind was empty. I felt like an old bear who had burrowed into a hole and was ready to hibernate, comfortable and lazy to the extreme, and thought to myself, I finally got rid of the days when I broke into eight petals in a minute, and I could squander my time and life like a lot of money.
It has long since entered a state of enlightenment, which is similar to the enlightenment of Buddhism, and may be the same thing at all. The so-called penetration is to understand the great truth that everything is empty, since everything is empty, it does not matter; since it is meaningless, it is not worth doing anything; whether it is doing something or doing nothing, man is a grain of cosmic dust; since it is a grain of dust, there is no difference between doing something or doing nothing. Knowing this, I felt that I had suddenly entered a state of freedom, no longer had any worries, and nothing could disturb my inner peace.
I stared out the window for a long time, it was late spring, the scarlet peach was still blooming, but the pale pink peach blossom had begun to wither, and I thought, the days to come are to see the flowers blossom and fall, to see the four seasons reincarnated. What did Thoreau say— why can't observing the cycle of the four seasons be a profession? Yeah, why not? Since man is just a grain of cosmic dust, since man only stays here for more than thirty thousand days, and then disappears without a trace, why can't he just stupidly look at the cycle of the four seasons, look at it dozens of times, and then quietly pass away? Why do you have to force yourself to do this and that, as if you have obsessive-compulsive disorder?
Looking back on my life, I feel that everything is clear to a terrible degree, every time, every experience, as clear as it just happened, nothing is blurred, nothing is forgotten. Even a few decades ago, a person who ate in the cafeteria without a meal ticket was bought for him and he later forgot to do such a big thing. Whether I am sick, I can't help but ask myself, my heart said, my memory does not engage in natural science, it is a pity. Worst of all, I didn't remember it on purpose, but it was remembered naturally, and every little thing I experienced was like a knife, leaving a scratch on the boulder of memory that would never go away.
I remember when I was a child, at the age of not going to school, on a rainy day, I sat in front of the window, the window was painted with dark green paint, it was a double-door style, under the window sash by the window frame, fixed by a three- or four-inch long metal hook, this fixing method is different from the later general slide opener, the window will have a certain range of swaying when the wind blows, making a creaking sound, long and monotonous, this sound is deeply engraved in my memory. There is also the smell of crab legs. Although the family is not short of money, but rarely eat seafood, probably because the parents are northerners, there is no habit of eating seafood, once suddenly ate a crab, the slightly sweet taste of crab legs will forever remain in my memory, enduring.
In a person's life, how little drama is, how little is regrettably small. In fact, drama is not necessarily a good thing, great sorrow, great ups and downs, that is drama. Why do people say that blandness is a blessing? That is, sometimes people can't stand the drama of great sorrow and great joy, and prefer to hide in a quiet corner and live their lives in peace. Although it was a little tasteless, it was still better than the painful and dramatic experience in the end, at least saving his life, and there was no blood and unbearable death.
I thought, let the rest of my life go by like this. Occasionally record your own feelings and entertain yourself.