At the end of 2005, the first semester of the course ended. During the island's short cold season, students were seen dressed thickly and lined up in long lines to buy tickets home. Did my relationship with them end there? All that remained in my hand was a list of students who were about to be broken, followed by the names of the people who had been randomly marked for four months. Others see that it is a piece of name, and which name does not hide the living faces and expressions that can jump out at any time? Many vivid details of them could not be written down at the moment of occurrence, and soon faded away, losing their immediate vividness and interest, and wanted to make up for it, no matter how they recalled it, it was not vivid.
Since 2006, in between classes, I have casually recorded the interesting parts I found with them, and at the end of the semester, I have compiled it into the 2006 "Class Record", which was just an isolated text at that time, and I did not think that this topic could be written continuously. When the new semester starts again, many vivid and interesting things naturally emerge and are recorded at will.
Now, I have five "lesson notes" for five consecutive years from 2006 to 2010.
The process of recording and writing, but also the process of examining and reflecting on oneself, from the beginning of a lesson to the end of a semester, constantly adjusting and correcting, from the role of a traditional teacher to the role of a listener to the observer, this change is not at all passive, I think only in this way can we get closer to a good teacher in today's sense.
For example, cheating on exams, someone asked me if my attitude towards this kind of thing is getting softer and softer. I don't think there is softening, after seeing more upward and downward effects, in the mud pond full of filth, forcing the little lotus leaves that drift with the wind to stay clean alone requires strong persuasion and self-restraint. I want to reaffirm the personal view of cleanliness in a way that they can accept, to make them feel a small environment of freedom and pluralism without coercion, and I tell them that my bottom line is only a difference in expression.
Life is mediocre, and the essence of daily life is the most essential, only water injection stone through. A man jumps off a building, can shake for a while, people sigh for ten minutes, and life goes on. What's really scary and overlooked is often that everyone is in a state of suspended slump, and I have to remind them that this posture is not normal, no matter how long you get used to it.
At the same time, as a person who has come over, I take on my own responsibility to tell them what has happened, the people who have been ignored in the twelve years of compulsory education, and the current news that is happening around us, so that they will not be completely isolated from the outside of the school walls. These are much more important than filling in the blanks to memorize textbooks and exam certificates.
After six years as a teacher in college and six years in class, I believe that it is not difficult to be a good teacher, and the real problem is far more complicated than being a good teacher. Going to class is a process of learning and self-grooming and self-renewal. If I hadn't written the "Lesson Note" by accident, I wouldn't have paid attention to these young people so consciously and got their simple and warm friendship, and I would have been biased because of this, and I would have found and felt more about the natural cleanliness and purity of these new lives. To be able to write out the "lesson notes" continuously, we must thank them, more often than not, in the trivial touch of these new lives, only to find that I have seen and recorded so much.
Gradually, I learned that this is far from all of them, compared to the predecessors, today's young people are much more complicated. They are not the lotus flowers that the ancient Chinese praised in their poems, and there is no reason to ask our children not to be stained with impurity, but even if they find the slightest purity, they must say it to himself and more people to know, which is especially important today.
I spoke to them, they spoke to me, and I myself was so old, so many years have been destroyed by external forces, and I always feel that I am still there, and I have not been destroyed, relying on the continuous replenishment and nourishment of pure breath, so it is really good to stand among them, it is really lucky. For many, many years, since the so-called "80s", which is being hyped up, I have never invested enthusiasm and initiative in the world outside of me, voluntarily and happily participated in the "construction" of reality, sometimes going to class, feeling rushed all the way to talk to them, a pessimistic person can do this today, it is really self-salvation, thanks to the uninterrupted prompting and companionship of these young people.
There were many times when I was very much in agreement with them and the differences between us were glossed over. In the common attack on ridicule and debunking something, we are very synchronized and very happy, and we become one, against a third party. But idealism is really difficult to implement, and it has been difficult for me to have a long time for them.
My biggest strength and weakness is that I am a comer, and my disappointment is more real and deeper than theirs, but I have to say that the hope is still there. Fortunately, many moments of warm innocence always come out naturally, carefully observing the same student I taught, in the first grade and the fourth grade, there has been a complete change of more than one person, has changed several times. Believing that they grow up naturally and growing up with their own judgment, that no one is smarter than anyone else, that reality is the most advanced professor, the only teacher who speaks of hope.
Many times when I left the classroom, broke up with the students at a fork in the road, and became me alone on the road, the great sorrow that transcended the moment and the event pounced on me, which was a real deep and spiritual sadness. They don't shy away from me, when I'm a listener, I don't do a certain teacher's informant, the mysteries and injustices in the distribution of student grants, the cattiness in the student community... Generally I don't say my opinion directly, full of opinions. It is not necessarily difficult for a person to keep his opinion for a while, but when a person has spent two hours of preaching with all his heart, what the listener wants to say and do is exactly the opposite of the "sermon" of the person who has just preached, and they have not even thought about the connection and conflict between the two.
I talked a lot in class, my throat was still tight and dry, I listened to their unobstructed words, my heart was complicated, my taste was very uncomfortable, and I was sad. I know that I do not have the slightest strength to "stand up" to these children, so that they are not afraid, do not seek utilitarianism, and do not consider personal gains and losses in the present and the future.
Passion leads the trend - Chinese college students have always been the leaders in the crowd in China's modern and modern history, the sharp blade of the spirit, and the real hope. Now, they are dead set on being trapped in today's university, an important part of the game of life.
The world looks at them as a big mess, in fact, carefully distinguishing each one, all are complicated, and fantasize about this and fantasy, all instinctively desire to succeed quickly, and success is more difficult, beyond their ability to afford too much, the real left for them only entanglement, fear, retreat, dazed. When encountering small things or still dare to question and stubbornly, when encountering big things, they will endure obedience, accept against their hearts, and accumulate in their hearts for a long time.
Deng Bochao, a freelance filmmaker who graduated from school in 2010 and is now adrift in Beijing, rushed to the stage at the class party after graduating from college and cursed a huge dirty word. In class, I remind them that there is more to life than just "forward and forward", I will always pay attention to cherishing the few among them, and see how such people walk their lives in the way of eggs hitting the wall.
No one has the ability to choose future generations, and the only truth is that the future can only be in their hands.
Hopefully, these trivial records are not only the records of someone in a certain school and a certain year, but perhaps it will start more people to understand and pay attention to another generation behind us. As for other things in higher education, I am completely incapable of being in the mood to deal with them, and someone should write the real "School Running Record", "Bao Yan Record", "Promotion Record", "Assessment Record", "Evaluation Record", "Declaration Topic Record" and "Thesis Counseling Record". Writing about these habitual norms is no more difficult than approaching students.
Every teacher can write his "class notes", and free writing has no boundaries and thresholds. It's not that my class is very good, it's just that I put my emotions and values into a job, and there are many teachers who do this, and inadvertently notice a little attention to discover them, silently treating every student with purely personal qualities and responsibilities, and there are saintly keepers, but they themselves are not recorded, nor are they recorded by others.
Like Xu Fei in the 2010 "Lesson Record" in my notebook of his middle school teacher: Lv Shuying, a teacher at Yuantong Middle School in Renshou County, Meishan City, Sichuan Province, she unconsciously exudes a love for poetry, and influences the children around her, which has nothing to do with what performance pay promotion rate is competing for advancement, completely beyond the level of survival, outsiders can not understand them, but can not deny their existence.
More often, what people hear in various media and on the Internet is criticism, and teachers and students accuse and complain about each other. According to people's general understanding, teaching is a lifelong profession, but first of all it is a job bowl. Many people preach the same textbook for thirty years, repeat the same kind of conclusions, focus on the so-called knowledge transfer, turn around after class bells, and complete two class hours.
I believe that everyone has a conscience, and at the same time, everyone has a conscience. Reality is what each of us has created, and the frustration of the status quo is the result of the participation of all of us. We are often not too confused, but too selfish and too practical and too clear. Everyone can judge right and wrong, but give up the judgment of right and wrong and the persistence that should be deserved, tired and slack to the status quo, and take the initiative to become its promoter. Ten thousand kinds of sorrow, this is the saddest.
In the past six years of class, it took more effort, and in the few months of class, I almost stopped writing anything else, tried to push off extracurricular activities, made time to watch more homework, listened to the story of any student who was willing to talk about my heart, ordinary college teachers generally did not do this, it was too draining, and the inner response to this was often that the more I felt that a person's ideas and strength were too small and unrealistic, and the slightest change was delusional, but the impulse to throw myself into it again and again could not be extinguished, so I had to go along with it. For example, in the past few days, two new books have been prepared, with "2011 Poetry Lesson" and "2011 Records" written on the cover, and the books recommended to students as soon as the fall semester begins have been prepared.
Today, a good person who thinks he is a good person can never do nothing, and he can never continue to wait for death. Even if most people are looking sideways, thinking that what I have done is meaningless, small and weak, even a moth to the fire. If it is in utter futility, let this futility happen.
(Excerpt from Wang Xiaoni's "Lesson Notes: Preface", published in 2011.) ）