Reading list: The Five Powers of Love
Reading Progress: Chapters 1 and 2
Reading Insights:
This book is a representative work of Zhao Yongyong, a senior marriage and family counselor, which systematically expounds the meaning, principle and operation method of the five abilities of love.
The first two chapters explain that in the family relationship, both men and women must have the ability to love, the family can be harmonious, and the child will grow up healthy and happy and become an excellent person.
I remembered Jacky Cheung and Mei Yanfang's singing of "It's Hard to Fall in Love":
Two hands are too tight to love, and the love is too close, and the lover is also the most likely to become a pair of enemies, and maybe it is difficult to love each other, but it is difficult to do what both sides have their own hopes
We all want to love each other well, but if we love each other too deeply, it will make both sides fall into hostility. Love too shallow, the other party may not feel it. How to love, I hope to get the answer in this book.
Problem Thinking:
1. Why do students whose parents are happily married have easy academic performance?
Learning in a quiet environment will be better, and you will have more opportunities to reproduce what you have learned in your brain and strengthen your memory. Children whose parents are happily married do not have too much pressure, tension and anxiety from their parents' marriages, so they can often study in a quiet environment and their grades will naturally be better.
For children whose parents are unhappy, their parents may often quarrel, clash, attack each other, or be coldly violent. Children are often in a state of tension and anxiety, and children need to deal with and cope with these tensions and anxieties in their hearts, whether at home or at school, it may be difficult to study quietly.
2, why is it said that without the ability to love, another person will not be happy?
Because only by improving your inner ability to love can you live happily. Otherwise, even if you change a lover, you will still encounter problems and still don't know how to solve them.
For example, the example given in the book is a lady who lives at home because her husband's sister is not married. The relationship between the brothers and sisters is very good, so good that the brother often gives his sister dishes during meals, but ignores his wife. In their spare time, the brothers and sisters chatted together, but the lady was left hanging aside. Therefore, there are often quarrels between husband and wife, and what this lady has to do is not to quarrel with her husband, but to explain her feelings to her husband and hope that her husband will treat herself.
3. What are the five abilities of love?
First, emotional management. Everyone has to manage their emotions in order to have the ability to love others. People who can't manage their emotions well often make people they love miserable, easily miss the opportunity to love, and even hurt people. Second, narration. Express your needs, thoughts, and feelings in a way that doesn't hurt your relationship.
Third, empathy. Understand and support each other and be empathetic
Fourth, allow. Respect differences and allow growth.
Fifth, impact. Everyone will change, people in love relationships will change because of each other, it can be said that a person who finds a different lover will become a different person.
4. What are the "right things" and "happy things"?
First, the right thing is governed by the superego. Freud believed that children gradually developed the superego through the punishment and reward of parents and society. The result of the socialization of the superego, which incorporates the values and standards of society, is embodied in right and wrong, etc., and we often use "should" to express this. These standards and rules exist in order to allow people not to harm others when they satisfy themselves, so that human society can develop in an orderly manner.
Second, pleasant things are governed by the self. According to Freud's theory, the self follows the principle of happiness, the core of which is to meet the current needs of the individual, driven by subconscious instincts.
5. How to be both pleasant and correct in love?
Without breaking the law and not involving morality, without harming others, less correct, more room for lovers and family members, so that he can do what he likes to do, what he wants to do, and be comfortable and relaxed.
Do the right thing in a pleasant way.
6. The three levels of love. The first level of love: satisfying one's own needs.
The second level of love: "self-righteous" giving.
The third level of love: meeting each other's needs.