I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
01
The Wanderer and His Shadow: "Those who win the trust of others are not people who go around proclaiming their trustworthiness, because people who say such things are either super narcissistic or have no self-knowledge." If you want to win the trust of others, you don't need to emphasize it with words, but you should show people with actions. ”
Everyone can reflect on themselves, and they can also look at the people around them and judge whether they and others are trustworthy. If you have trustworthy people, they must have actions that you can trust; in the same way, if others think you are trustworthy, it is certainly not because you are a super narcissist.
This is not to say that people cannot express themselves, of course, when they should express themselves on appropriate occasions, even self-packaging, but they cannot be exaggerated, they cannot speak in the vernacular, and their words must be able to be honored, otherwise sooner or later they will show their feet, and they will only embarrass themselves when the time comes.
Although the reason is simple, but there are still people who like to buy the world to claim how trustworthy they are, think that others are not smart, think that their own disguise can deceive others, but do not know, only a few people who easily believe in others will only look at the surface, most people will have their own set of testing system, even if you temporarily believe in you, after you have no trustworthy action, you will lose the trust of others.
For example, the following comparison between the two marriages before and after this woman, her two mothers-in-law who are more trustworthy, the evidence is obvious, let's take a look at it together:
"After remarrying and marrying into the current in-laws' family, I found out: the really good mother-in-law, all wise and foolish, obviously very wise and excellent, but they do not show their sharp edges, they will not let the younger generations feel the pressure, as long as the younger generations are not the most evil people, they will definitely be moved by such mothers-in-law." 」
The fact that I was divorced, she knew from the beginning, but never because of this prejudice against me, not only always in front of me very warm, privately always told my husband to be good to me, her behavior for a little unconfident me, feel very warm, there is a feeling of relief, as if finally found a home.
Because I had met the evil mother-in-law before, I also suspected that she might be in disguise at the beginning, but she has never changed since she got along, which shows that she is really a good mother-in-law.
What I admire most is that she has a lot of eyesight, and some things will be done well in advance, which relieves a lot of stress in our lives. In addition, her hands never stretched out too long, never bothered, and even if she came forward sometimes, she always disciplined my husband. Maybe she knew from the beginning that I was a person who ate soft and not hard, so she knew that as long as she was good to me, she could definitely have a good relationship with me.
In contrast, my mother-in-law in the previous marriage was really too bad, the advantages mentioned above were nothing, always nosy, always yin and yang weird, always said bad things about me privately, privately provoked my relationship with my husband, there was such a little person around me, I lived very uneasy, always worried that one day I would be cold and calculated by her, so I simply left.
For the rest of my life, I will also learn from my mother-in-law, to be a wise and foolish person, she gives me a good feeling, and I will leave such a beautiful feeling when I get along with others in the future."
02
The last words of the woman in front of me are very meaningful, if everyone demands that they can be human and know how to get along with people, the interpersonal relationships in the world will be very beautiful. But this idealized state is not easy to achieve, because there are too many people, good and bad is a more real state, so we must know how to choose interpersonal relationships.
Good interpersonal relationships are not only conducive to our growth, but also allow us to rely on our hearts, as Nietzsche said: "Parents, teachers, and friends are like handrails, they are people who can make us feel at ease, protected, and feel secure." We may not be 100% dependent on them, but for us, they are the greatest pillar of our psyche and can help us live a better life. ”
The parents, teachers, and friends he is talking about here are, of course, "trustworthy people", and with these roles, even if they do not help us substantially, it is certainly better to have such a spiritual pillar than not. If you have a spiritual pillar, your helplessness will soon disappear and you will not be afraid all the time; but if there is no spiritual pillar, it is called every day and the earth is not spiritual, and that feeling is really painful.
If you can appreciate the meaning of it, you will naturally understand that you need a spiritual pillar, others also need a spiritual pillar, and you can make yourself a spiritual pillar of others, especially the spiritual pillar of your spiritual pillar, and each other's lives will add a bright color.
03
People who can become the spiritual pillar of others have the wisdom of "great wisdom and foolishness", they will not be full of thorns, they will not be sharp, they will always give people a gentle feeling, making people feel very down-to-earth. Although they may suffer losses in doing so, they still insist on great wisdom and foolishness, and this behavior itself is also a kind of wisdom.
Just like an entrepreneur mentioned by Dale Carnegie: he worked hard in the company when he was young, especially able to bear hardships and stand hard work, and when others pushed back on the work, only he did not complain, others said he was stupid, but he thought that it was a blessing to suffer losses. Years later, he proved his words, because he learned a lot of sales knowledge and skills in the process of hard work, and then he set up his own company and gained a lot.
From another point of view, the wisdom of great wisdom is a kind of "self-preservation" wisdom, because "straight wood first cut, Ganjing first exhausted", the sharp edge is too exposed to easily become a conspicuous target, become the object of envy and hatred of others, in the end will find trouble for yourself, even if you do not pose a threat to others, others will think that you are a threat, will guard against you everywhere.
From the perspective of interpersonal communication, great wisdom and foolishness can make people take off their defenses, others do not play tricks on you, you have no malice towards others, on the whole, it is beneficial to yourself, and it is easy to achieve a win-win situation when cooperating with others.