Many people first knew Cai Kangyong from his "Kangxi Lai" with Xiao S.
Around the "blooming" host Xiao S, Cai Kangyong is introverted and elegant, and is a person who always controls the rhythm of the program and carefully takes care of the emotions of each guest.
More people once again met with the name "Cai Kangyong", and it was in the prominent best-selling position of the bookstore that they saw two series of books, "The Way cai Kangyong speaks" and "Cai Kangyong's emotional intelligence lesson".
"Talking" and "high emotional intelligence" are the labels on Cai Kangyong's body.
As a host, Cai Kangyong seems to be always thoughtful.
Hand him the microphone, and then jump off the scene can finally come back smoothly.
Seeing him, many people will think that emotional intelligence is to be able to talk and have good upbringing.
In fact, this is our deepest misunderstanding of emotional intelligence.
In Cai Kangyong's view, the focus of emotional intelligence is not to "deal with other people's emotions", but to "take care of your own emotions":
This subtle difference is the difference between "high emotional intelligence" and "good upbringing."
He said, "I advise you to be indifferent than warm." ”
Old friend Xiao S said that he had a "sense of distance" in private, and even Ma Dong, a partner of "Strange Story", publicly commented that his heart was cold and distant, and he "had a particularly vicious heart", where "viciousness" refers to the precision of seeing through everything.
In the entertainment circle of fish and dragons, Cai Kangyong used the identity of a bystander to soberly and "viciously" watch people coming and going, and the years changed.
And all this comes from his good tutoring, but also from his exploration of life prematurely.
In 2017, in the third season of the variety show "Please the Refrigerator", Cai Kangyong's refrigerator was opened, and it was full of expired food.
The host He Jiong joked: "Kang Yongge is very low-key, and people are real gongzi brothers." Our home is called Home, and the one from the other is called Cai Mansion. ”
Is Cai Kangyong's home really the Cai Mansion?
How powerful is Cai Kangyong's family lineage?
A few years ago, the great director Wu Yusen made a movie called "Taiping Wheel".
The whole movie is about a giant shipwreck.
During the course of transportation, it collided head-on with a freighter called jianyuan, sinking the entire ship, and only 40 of the more than 1,000 people on board survived.
This is a tragic event that has really happened in history.
Known as the "Oriental Titanic", it is the largest marine accident in China in recent centuries. And this ship is called the Taiping Ship, and one of its owners is Cai Tianduo, the father of Cai Kangyong, whom we all know.
This can explain why Cai Kangyong's body exudes a gentlemanly demeanor of a dancing prince, no matter when and where people can feel like a spring breeze, in and out of the right place.
Cai Kangyong described his mother's life:
Get up at 12 o'clock every day to wash your hair and make your hair.
The cheongsam is worn very tightly, and when the mood is good, I draw my own paper pattern to design clothes.
Tulle pajamas neckline, with fur, slippers worn at home, clipped with peacock feathers.
Like a spectator, Cai Kangyong watched his mother leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette, looking out of the balcony——— he used a "gorgeous" to describe.
When he was chatting with Wong Kar-wai, he once said: "The qipao in your play seems to be not a road number with my mother, and my mother's qipao has a collar that stands taller than Maggie Cheung." Wong Kar-wai was taken aback.
Not only did his mother still live in Shanghai, but so did his father, who never changed his Shanghainese dialect.
In addition, their family still retains the tradition of the old Shanghai nobility, such as when answering the phone, they still call themselves "Cai Mansion".
At most there are 6 servants. At his family's dinner table, he will never be able to eat the usual "home cooking", which is the same as the same dish as the tavern.
In his writings many years later, Cai Kangyong wrote with emotion: "My childhood was often shrouded in the faint red light of this ember.
Sometimes, I reach out to borrow a little of the warmth of this ember. Sometimes, I witness the prosperity of this ember-covered with my eyes. ”
Born and raised in a frustrated environment, Cai Kangyong understood the vagaries of the world early on.
In the process of reading Cai Kangyong's books, debates, hosting, and interviews, what I felt most deeply was that Cai Kangyong was indeed a son, he had no painful childhood, no teenager who was forced to become a talent, and no youth who worked hard to make a living.
Therefore, after becoming an adult, he naturally became a person who especially knew how to treat himself well.
Don't please, don't screw up, handle your relationship with others very properly, and turn the world into a heated swimming pool for him to swim in.
From kindergarten to primary school, junior high school, high school has always been in the local aristocratic school, the surrounding students are also not rich or expensive, Cai Kangyong not only cultivated a lot of interpersonal relationships from an early age, Cai Kangyong's results have always been among the best.
Cai Kangyong not only has a good academic performance, but also develops in many aspects, actively participates in various extracurricular activities, and has achieved excellent results in essay writing, debate competitions and speech competitions, becoming an excellent student in the history of the school.
The experience of those debates and speech contests in those years also accumulated a lot of experience for him to later preside over and participate in the debates of "Strange Story".
In 1989, Cai Kangyong served as a record copywriter for the album during the summer vacation, showing his talent in literary and artistic creation.
And based on the novel "Who Immortals", the film script "The Last Nobleman" was adapted.
People also gradually began to look at the young child objectively through the aura of the father.
He was excellent at hosting and writing, and he once wrote a book, "What Those Boys Taught Me," which chronicled his story with his same-sex lover.
Cai Kangyong once admitted that when Ang Lee won the Oscar for "Brokeback Mountain" in 2006, he spent a second laughing at himself - "You slacker, why didn't you insist?" ”
The two are also Taiwanese who are studying for a master's degree in film, one has never changed his original intention, and the other has changed his way.
Although they are still in the entertainment industry, the development paths of the two are obviously very different.
But if he is given another chance to choose again, he may not give up his status as a host.
Many of the choices in our lives, seemingly accidental, actually stem from the natural trend of temperament and interest.
The rebellious gene has been there since childhood. In middle school, the boy shaved his head flat, and he had long hair;
I didn't want to go to class, so I walked out of the classroom with a big swing.
When he went to college in the United States, he dressed as a woman and went to class, which was appreciated by his classmates.
The first time he spent a Chinese New Year's Eve outside alone, the real thought that popped into his mind was "very free, I finally got rid of the custom of Chinese New Year", so I didn't care about the New Year anymore.
It's like his personality signature when he was a child: everyone thinks I'm obedient, but I only listen to my own words.
In 1994, Cai Kangyong met George because of his writing, and they became a gay couple. It wasn't until 2001 that Cai Kangyong came out in public on the show, when his mysterious lover George also surfaced.
They later endured a lot of criticism, in the face of external accusations and incomprehension, Cai Kangyong cried in "Strange Story" to reveal his heart, he used a sentence "We are not monsters" to tell the outside world about the bitterness and helplessness of comrades.
Looking at the first half of Cai Kangyong's life, it was very smooth, such a person, if he chooses to get married and have children, will probably have a little more audience popularity.
But Tsai kangyong chose to declare his homosexual status after his father's death.
In the face of the media, he boldly took the hand of his boyfriend Liu Kunlong, and the two people no longer hid it, so they decided to be together in public, and 20 years have passed.
Although homosexual love is slowly being accepted by everyone, there is no longer a different vision.
Over the years, Liu Kunlong has also been photographed by the media many times to walk close to other men, and even have rumors of "stealing food", and Cai Kangyong is very generous about this, and can accept the "short love" between her boyfriend and others.
He said on "Strange Story" that "the only thing I can do is to prove to my parents that we are not monsters and that we can live well in the world." ”
Today, Cai Kangyong and her boyfriend Liu Kunlong have also been in love for 26 years, although they are not married in the legal sense, but there is no difference between them and the lovers and couples.
For many people, it may not be able to understand each other's choices, but in a certain sense, everyone has their own way of wanting to live in this world, as long as they do their own, they will not be monsters in the eyes of outsiders.
But now, whether it is the failure of the movie or the controversy in love, it has been unable to stop the pace of Cai Kangyong's progress.
He will continue to weave rebellion with this warmth, to taste the pain and joy he has experienced.
When Cai Kangyong was attending a dinner party, the owner of the meal solemnly introduced: "This plate of beef is Kobe beef." When raising cattle, you have to do massages, you have to listen to music, it's very expensive, it's thousands. ”
When he was a child, Cai Kangyong and his mother went to the aunt's house as a guest.
The aunt entertained them with her treasured shark fins.
But Cai Kangyong did not know that it was shark fin, and after eating a few bites, he said, "What is this?" It was delicious. ”
The aunt said lightly: "This is a fan, eat more when it is delicious." He said and filled him with a full bowl.
Now decades have passed, but the kindness of this aunt has always been remembered by Cai Kangyong.
Cai Kangyong has this passage in his book "Cai Kangyong's Emotional Intelligence Lesson":
"Being comfortable with yourself is the most important reason for pursuing high emotional intelligence. If you like someone but lose yourself, that's the worst state of emotional intelligence. ”
That is, true high emotional intelligence never loses themselves, instead they choose to be comfortable with themselves.
Encourage with the King.