01
There is a sentence in the book "The Choice of Daughters":
"Everything that is destroyed needs to be rebuilt, what is lost may not be able to be recovered, in life we slowly experience, once painful into the bone marrow, in the end the clouds are light, we bear, we grow, we learn to smile and endure, calmly wait, silently try to solve their own problems, and with the solution of one problem after another, we will escape from danger and go to a safe place." 」
When we are hurt, we don't want to die, but one day those who hurt into the bone marrow will be light.
In fact, it is really so, no one deserves our hatred for a lifetime, we just need to live our own present moment, you don't have to complain, you don't have to retaliate, you have to know that those who have done bad things will not have any good results. You just need to live beautifully, even if you have been disappointed in marriage, then it is you who will laugh to the end.
Shu Min is 40 years old, she now has a new family, and for a long time after remarriage, she has stopped talking about the pain she once had, and even forgot about her ex-husband. She had been entangled with her ex-husband for a full decade, and she had been hurt so deeply at first, but now with the passage of time, she was slowly healed.
Shu Min's marriage to her ex-husband broke down mainly because of the children.
When she was not divorced, Shumin went to the hospital many times to check, and it was not her problem. Since it is not her problem, then the problem must be with her ex-husband, but the ex-husband does not go to the hospital for the sake of face. Later, he also went, and it was really because of his reasons, but he didn't admit it.
At that time, because she had been married for many years without children, Shu min was looked down upon by her in-laws and all the relatives on her husband's side, and some people even teased her as a "hen who can't lay eggs", but in the face of these criticisms, her ex-husband never defended her. Because of this, Shu Min's relationship with her ex-husband deteriorated, and the two were on the verge of divorce.
The ex-husband is still cheating, and Shu Min is in pain after finding out.
"Not having children is not my reason, I have tolerated you so much, why are you still cheating?"
"What is my reason, maybe it is that the two of us are genetically incompatible, and the two of us together just can't have children." Don't you always be my reason, don't push everything on me, do you feel that you are not wrong at all? ”
The ex-husband changed his face too quickly, Shu Min did not know each other at once, the two people got into such a fight, everything tore their faces, and finally they could only divorce. I don't know if I am lucky not to have children, the divorce between the two of them is quite simple, and it does not involve any complicated property division, and it will not hurt the innocent.
The marriage is divorced, but the inner hurt is not alleviated at all, and Shu Min has a hatred for her ex-husband.
02
In the third year after the divorce because of her husband's infidelity, Shu Min was still single, and she felt that she still had not been able to get out of the pain of the past. That year, during the Mid-Autumn Festival, Shumin was alone in the house, brushing the photos of dinner in the circle of friends, she touched the scene and suddenly cried. Shu Min thought about many things in the past, and she was sweet when she had a good relationship with her ex-husband, but all this became too fast and too fast. Not having children in marriage still affects the feelings of two people, you think it doesn't matter, but the facts have proved to be related.
Originally, she did not plan to remarry, but Xu was too lonely to be single for too long, and Shu Min did not want to be alone again.
Then Shu Min was introduced by a colleague to marry an unmarried man who was two years older than her. The other party is close to 40 and not yet married, Shu Min did not know much, and looked at the smooth eyes and flashed marriage. And it is also very strange to say that she has not had children after being married to her ex-husband for many years, and she became pregnant after a year of marriage with her current flash, when Shu Min was 38 years old.
There is a saying that time and new joy heal old pain.
Since then, Shu Min has rarely remembered the old things with her ex-husband.
The second marriage is also bumpy, but there are a few key points that Shumin feels that her life is not too dirty, and although she does not understand romance and will not say nice words, she is still very honest. There will also be contradictions with the current mother-in-law, but the old man still knows how to hurt her. Coupled with the fact that Shu Min has a healthy baby, so she has been cured, and the child can make you forget a lot of past pain.
When the child was more than one year old, Shumin had dinner with a friend she had with her ex-husband. Shu Min accidentally learned from her friend that her ex-husband had not had a very good life in recent years.
"After divorcing you, he married the third person, but they were married for several years without children. And you know what? When he knew that you were still happy with your baby and family, he actually cried. We had a lot of people eating, and watching him cry, a big man was crying very sadly. ”
When my friend said this, Shu Min actually had a hint of inexplicable comfort.
Divorced for many years, when she accidentally learned that her ex-husband and a third party had a bad life after marrying, she did not mention how happy she was. Knowing that the ex and the third party did not have a good ending, it was another kind of healing for Shu Min. Shu Min said: "I didn't expect that I would be so dark after many years, but when I knew that the people who hurt me were not doing well now, I just felt very happy, and people's happiness is always compared in this way, and I feel angry." ”
For the past, Shu Min can't remember many details when he mentions it again, and sometimes he feels quite ridiculous, as if everything is the same as in the past life.
There is a saying that makes a lot of sense: "There is really no one in this world who deserves to be hated for so long." No matter how much resentment and resentment you have in your heart, that person and that relationship are gone, and we can't live a lifetime with this 'sense of being hurt', 'feeling of being indebted', 'feeling of being disappointed'. ”
The past is over, and you have to live your life now.
03
How can a divorced woman who has been hurt in her marriage live the rest of her life?
Don't hate, but let go, and you don't have to fight with someone who hurt you.
Every step of life is irreversible, and we have no way to measure it, to calculate which step we have taken is worth it and which step is not. What kind of road to walk is not very important in itself, the key is that the act of "walking" itself is very meaningful. Hurt, just when we are taught a lesson, we can avoid scumbags later. Thanks for the suffering, fortunately, it is not until you are old enough to find out the true face of that person, it is good to find out early, you still have time to have a new life. Don't complain, don't be indignant, what kind of life God has given you, what kind of life you have to live, no matter which road you choose to take, there are scenery and there are tribulations.
There's a saying that goes something well: "Every time you put down something, you can make more room for things that you didn't care about before but are actually beautiful." And when you continue to pass by the tombstones in your life and go to the end of your life, you may find that the moment of letting go is often the most relaxed and free. ”
Finally, I will end with another sentence from the book "The Choice of Daughters":
Life is originally a pleasure in suffering, if it is not too difficult to cry, then you will not see the flowers around you and the sun in the sky. People shed tears when they are in pain, but tears also wash their eyes, so that after we cry, we can see the world more clearly.
Together, may you let go of the pain of the past and live your life beautifully.
Today's topic: How should divorced women live well, will you hate your ex-husband after divorce? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.