The sinking of today's part

I habitually think of myself as a victim and call it a victim. In this marriage, I said to myself, I don't know what I can get, and I don't know what I get. Maybe without my daughter I really don't know how to sustain this marriage. Maybe I'm too naïve, maybe I'm too realistic. Many times I don't know how to face him, even with myself. His appearance, the marriage of the two of us, made me really see my inner indifference. And his indifference to the world. Many times, many times I have expressed my understanding, and I know that his life experience and his original family have caused him to be the way he is.

But my heart should not be able to let go. Maybe the essence of this inability to let go is to tell myself, "You just can't change him." No matter how much you do, no matter how much you put up with it. What's the matter. You can't change his experience, you can't change his life. "At this time, the greater frustration and helplessness in my heart came out.

I can't change him, the original, the real thing, and he can't change me. Like how many times in an instant, "He doesn't come to help me either, he doesn't love me anymore." "How many moments, how many stories. It's all because of this beginning, and it all ends with a sense of inner frustration.

I really need too much security inside me to prove myself. But I always pin that security on the people closest to me. One sustenance at a time, one disappointment after another, one despair at a time.

But my heart is accustomed to staging such a bitter drama, and I enjoy it. But I was really tired. He didn't love me anymore, did he have any opinions about me. I struggled with my own "pity" and couldn't let go.

When my mind finally cleared up, I knew that I was addicted to this kind of "bitter drama" again, and I liked to stage such a plot to prove my innocence and innocence again and again. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have become like this, if it wasn't for you." I enjoy it in a plot like this. hehe.

I knew my mind was out of control and my heart was hurt. "No man can love me." Because of this kind of plot and drama, it has been staged again and again within me.

When I woke up, I was really fed up with such drama. Because of this role, because of this kind of cognition, because of this kind of story, I am deeply immersed in it, and I enjoy it in one reincarnation after another.

I know that the only way to wake myself up from samsara is to cut me off from samsara. When the mind is out of control, it embraces my own inner being again and again. Tell yourself the drama of "I will always love you, I will love you with all my heart" And you don't know how many times you have played it out in your heart, how many reincarnations, how many reincarnations. Isn't that enough. When else do you want to bring this plot into. In this life, in this life, it continues to play out. The afterlife, the afterlife, the continuation. Reincarnation after cycle. Don't get tired of it. Isn't it boring? If you want, all right. You choose. If you wish, continue to indulge in pain. Lifetimes. Bless you.