Three-year-old girl younger, there is no pain in heaven, and I wish you a smooth journey

Author: Peking University Shougang Hospital Hospice Center Wen Xiangjuan Wang Xiaodong

The old people always say that "there are no old and young people on the Huangquan Road", in the past few years in the hospice center, I thought I was used to seeing life and death, but when I encountered the death of young life, I would still be touched.

She was three years younger than me, a chubby, beautiful "little girl" whom I called "little friend" and "dear" because she was inactive and spent all day lying in bed to pamper her parents and paramedics.

When she first came, her condition was still relatively stable, and she often brushed vibrato until one or two o'clock in the night and did not sleep, and did not get up at 8 o'clock in the morning. She often tells me funny passages on Douyin, and always bargains with me every time she does treatment: "Nurse Wen, can I not get an injection today?" After receiving a negative reply, she was still not dead hearted: "Can you let me sleep a little longer?" Just a moment, another injection. "Can I have a little less fluid today, and it is uncomfortable to infuse more..." The treatment cannot be "bargained", but whenever she wants to "sleep a little longer", I will first go to the treatment for other patients and let her sleep for ten minutes more; whenever she does not want to infuse, I will also consult with the doctor to minimize her fluid under the appropriate circumstances.

With each infusion of chemotherapy drugs, she would have expected vomiting. Before the chemotherapy injection, she told me that she wanted to throw up as soon as she saw the infusion set. I said to her: "The chemotherapy drugs infused this time are different from your previous ones, the gastrointestinal side effects are very small, I will also give you some antiemetic drugs first, you need to cooperate with me, don't always think about the side effects of chemotherapy, okay?" She nodded. After the chemotherapy, she told me with a smile: "I really didn't throw up this time." (Actually, I deceived her, this time the drug is the same as the previous one, this is a white lie!) ）

Over time, her condition worsened. A large amount of pleural fluid made her feel breathless, and the doctor placed a chest drain tube on her left and right, and the symptoms eased slightly for two days, and the wheezing inevitably gradually worsened again - the tumor had already compressed the trachea, and modern medical science could not do anything about it.

She would ring the bell every time I was uncomfortable, and as soon as I walked to the bedside, she would take my hand and say to me, "Nurse Wen, I'm dying!" What to do? What to do? I can only gently soothe her: "Relax, don't be nervous, close your eyes, breathe slowly, suck with your nose, exhale with your mouth, exhale slowly..." Gently touch with your hand "Relax, relax your shoulders, relax your chest slowly relax, you will feel that your breathing will be very smooth, relax, don't think about anything, pay attention to your breathing, breathe slowly..."

Because of the progress of the disease, her temper began to become more and more grumpy, always arguing loudly with her parents, who were always powerless to cry silently. While gently comforting the family, I said: "We will always send the fire and unhappiness in our hearts to the people we love the most, she is very sensible, and she puts the fire on you that she does not want to take care of the doctor, because she loves you and knows that you will not be angry with her." While listening to her talk, he also said to her: "Seeing that you are uncomfortable, mom and dad are even more uncomfortable, and they are eager to bear all this for you." You have to understand them, have something to tell Mom and Dad well, don't always get angry." At my persuasion, she apologized to Mom and Dad and said to them, "Mom and Dad, I love you." ”

On September 30, 2020, I am ready to take the opportunity of eleven rounds of rest to visit my family. On this day, she was tossed by breathing difficulties for another day, her face was haggard, and she was wearing a mask. But when she saw me walk into the ward, she took off her mask: "Your train at night!" "Hmm!" I nodded, remembering that I had mentioned to her about going home in a previous conversation. I can still remember when she was uncomfortable, and I was surprised and touched. She smiled and said to me, "All the way." ”

During the eleventh holiday, I rested at home for 4 days. On the night I returned to Beijing, she left, leaving me with only that smile and the most sincere "all the way to the wind". I silently prayed for her: good little girl, heaven has no pain, and I wish you a smooth journey!