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During the epidemic, I have been at home with my children, and after returning to work for a while, I let my children's grandmothers help bring them, and the time spent with the children was reduced in an instant.
Two days ago I came home, my mother told me that the child was not in a good state, the mood was very bad and always noisy, and I was busy to comfort the child.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
Nemo muttered without speaking, twisted his head to the side, and after I tried my best to ask and reassure, I realized that the child felt that my feelings for him had weakened, and he felt that his mother did not love him.
At this time, I realized that during the time after returning to work, I did ignore the emotional needs of my children, and many times when I came home, I was tired and collapsed on the sofa, brushing my mobile phone to relieve fatigue, but I did not pay attention to the changes in children's emotions.
Today I would like to talk to you about how much our "emotional neglect" in life can affect children.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" >, "Scar Club": The Movie of Depression Tells You the True Meaning of Education</h1>
Before talking about this topic, I would like to recommend a recently watched French award-winning short film - "Scars Club".
This is a very depressing movie, and I can't watch it anymore when I see it, but it can really cause parents to think deeply.
The short film tells the story of a group of children who have been traumatized in their childhood, either because of the tangible scars formed by being scolded, or because of the invisible scars caused by the indifference and neglect of their parents.
In the short film there is a little boy who walks with two other boy friends and a girl friend, and all four of them have one thing in common - all have "scars".
The difference is that the other three children's "scars" are red, while hiss is blue.
Later, he learned that the "scars" of these three little friends were all beaten out, and his own "scars" were caused by his mother's indifference.
In his home, the mother who came home would only watch TV every day, and when he wanted to chat with his mother, he would be pushed to the side by his mother.
He and his mother sat on the same sofa, but there seemed to be thousands of mountains and rivers in between.
Every time his mother "indifference", "rejection", "disregard" and "unreasonableness" to himself, it will deepen the "scars" in his heart.
Finally, this blue "scar" became brighter and brighter, as if it was going to drown his whole person, just like the damage his mother caused him became more and more serious, until he finally could not bear it, and could only be slowly submerged.
These indifference, disregard, unreasonableness, non-communication, and non-communication lead to the child's physical and psychological harm, which is the so-called "emotional neglect".
Someone asked: "What is the feeling of being 'cold violence' by parents?" "
A close friend replied: "How to say it, being coldly violent by your parents, that feeling is like taking a very blunt knife, constantly scratching on your body, keep scratching, although the body will not bleed, but you will feel the pain of the heart." "
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > second, ignoring the child is actually a kind of "cold violence"</h1>
In fact, every child will not be hurt by the indifference of their parents at first, but as time goes on, they will also begin to become insecure, inferior, anxious and painful.
Just like the little boy in the movie, he first looked at the "scar" in his hand flashing blue light and felt beautiful, he said that it was like a star, representing his yearning for a better life.
Until one time, he saw the girl constantly trying to wipe away his own scars, he tried to stop the girl, only to hear the girl hysterically say that he never wanted to see them again!
At this time, he realized that "scars" may not be a good thing.
But the saddest and most painful thing is that when the little boy came home and asked his mother what these scars were, the mother impatiently turned on the TV to the maximum;
Even when the mother's hand was on the little boy's head, the little boy thought that the mother was trying to comfort himself, but he did not expect to be coldly pushed away!
Like the last straw that overwhelmed the camel, the little boy fell to his knees in pain, and everything around him shattered into countless pieces...
I admire the author of this short film, and the author hopes that parents can pay attention to the psychological pain of their children.
Many parents often have this question: "Why do I give all my time, energy, money, and my children are still full of complaints, even disobedience?" "
In fact, we must know that the growth and development of children is not only material needs, they are more important than spiritual needs, and spiritual needs are often more important than material needs.
Edward. Dr. Edward Tronick published the "Expressionless Face" psychological experiment in 1975.
Through experiments, it can be found that children can feel the coldness of their mother's emotions in infancy.
At the beginning of the experiment, a mother is interacting lovingly with her baby, and the child is very happy, but suddenly, the mother suddenly freezes her face, no longer makes any expression, and no longer responds to the child's performance.
The baby noticed the change in the mother's expression and tried to attract the mother's attention with a familiar interactive way, but the mother was indifferent the whole time, and finally the child tried fruitlessly and broke down and cried.
Studies have shown that when the mother treats the baby expressionlessly, the baby's heart beats faster, the pressure in the body increases extremely faster, and if it continues, the cells in key parts of his brain may die!
What a frightening finding, the researchers also found that when babies recall this "expressionless" event two weeks later, negative physiological changes quickly occur.
This is the serious negative impact that emotional neglect can bring to children, which is why we need to pay attention to the emotional needs of children.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > third, parents should avoid "emotional neglect" and do a good job of "high-quality companionship"</h1>
1. Learn to "see" the child
In the short film, the shot of the little boy and the mother is always in a dark atmosphere, and the mother's every move seems to see the child as a "transparent person" or an annoying "oil bottle".
In fact, in many families with contradictions, the relationship between parents and children is lacking in a kind of "seeing".
This "seeing" is to approach, observe, feel, and listen to the child's thoughts and opinions, and the parents "see" the "needs" behind the child's behavior.
Many children are very insecure, inferior, and cowardly when they grow up because of their lack of emotional needs.
2. Emotionally protect and nourish children
In the current concept of education, few parents will let their children have "red scars", but the "blue scars" of children have not decreased.
In the book "The Child's Brain," the author compares the child's brain to a steam train with two locomotives, a boiler at the end and the head.
One front end helps the child move forward and achieve goals, while the other is responsible for generating negative emotions and behaviors that make the child feel pain.
And every word and deed of the parents is like adding firewood to the king's boiler.
Therefore, if parents want their children to have a healthy and positive personality, they need to add firewood to the "corresponding boiler".
When children do wrong things and make mistakes in life, if we hit and punish children in behavior and words, then it will only make children's "negative boilers" burn more and more vigorously.
On the contrary, if we pay attention to the child's emotions, know the starting point of the child's mistakes, understand the motivation behind the child's wrong behavior, look at the child's behavior from a positive perspective, and guide and encourage it, so that the child's self-perception remains positive and is more willing to accept the parents' opinions.
3, less time, but the quality of companionship should be high
Many times parents sit at home all day, but just play mobile phones, watch TV, and complete work next to their children, and even if this kind of companionship is a whole day, the effect is equal to no companionship.
On the contrary, even if you work late and only come home for an hour or two to accompany your child, if you put down your mobile phone for one or two hours, care and accompany your child wholeheartedly, even if you just chat and read picture books, it is "high-quality companionship" that can eliminate the "feeling of being ignored" of your child's day.
Children are small, but they can also sensitively perceive the emotions of their parents and pay attention to their children's emotional needs, which is sometimes more important than constantly meeting their children's material needs.
I am Wu Mama Parenting, but also the mother of the 4-year-old baby, in the process of raising and educating children, encounter any problems can come to ask me, I hope that my little advice can help you solve the confusion and troubles in the process of taking the baby, so that our children can grow better!
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