Wen | the original diary of The Little Fish Daddy, welcome to forward and share personally
One of France's award-winning animated short films, The Scars Club, is an excellent educational film I've seen recently.
Inside was a special group of children, all of whom had been subjected to violence and were covered in bruises. The difference, however, was that the scars of three children were purple-red and only one of them was blue.
The child with blue scars imagined that they were blue galaxies, and his friends around him did not understand this beauty, but pointed at him, saying that these blue scars were ugly and made him block.
So the little boy asked his mother for help, but in exchange for a cold attitude. Mom had been watching TV, and he tried to pull on Mom's clothes and shouted loudly, but Mom turned up the TV volume, signaled him not to talk anymore, and pushed him away.
The boy was pushed to the ground and slowly realized that his wounds were really different from the others. The purple-red scars are physical injuries, while the blue scars are caused by "cold violence".
That cold and bone-piercing feeling is not the scar itself, but the neglect of adults. Eventually, the scar turned into a point of light, gradually engulfing him.
Family psychologist Kirstin Darwin proposed that cold violence is divided into 6 types, ignoring children, insulting, sarcastic, threatening, overly doting, and putting too much pressure on children.
In life, have you also carried out such "cold violence" against your children? In fact, scolding and yelling at children is not as harmful as this way, and its scars are in the heart and cannot be filled.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how much does cold violence hurt children? </h1>
In the film "No Questions Asked", Liu Shufen, who encountered cold violence from her husband, although there were also things that were wrong in the marriage, insisted on not divorcing, and was also the biggest victim.
Her husband Xu Bo often turned a blind eye to her, just like there was no such person as her at home, there was no enthusiasm and passion, and finally Liu Shufen chose to jump into the well.
An adult cannot accept cold violence, let alone a child, a child who needs external evaluation to improve himself. If even his parents ignore his existence, how can he have a self?
Parents do not have emotionally invested parenting, and eventually children will be emotionally deficient, psychologically distorted, hurt themselves and hurt others.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > common cold violence:</h1>
1, do not want to spend time with children, even if accompanied by absent-mindedness
Parents always refuse to accompany them under the pretext of "busy work" and "for the good of their children", feeling that staying by their children's side is a waste of time, and it is better to talk about a few more customers.
Even if you accompany the child, the mobile phone information is continuous, and when you pick up the phone, you put down the child, and the work side begins to be impatient as soon as it is urged. Accompany the child to the cram school, as soon as the child enters the class, the parents begin to play games outside.
2, completely ignore the child
Parents completely let their children go, do not know anything about their learning and life, and expect that children will have what skills at what age, without the guidance of adults.
3. Respond to your child's questions in a cold voice
No matter what ideas the child proposes, the parents are: you look at it, you think you can do it.
Such seemingly supportive language is actually irresponsible to the child, the child does need to be independent, his ability can not be without help, and the problem solving is to come step by step.
4. The child makes mistakes, and the parents overly criticize and completely deny it
Exaggerating the child's mistakes, amplifying the child's shortcomings, making the child more nervous, or ignoring the child's feelings after making a mistake, so that the child cannot truly express himself, is also a kind of cold violence.
5. Sneer at children
Some parents are always self-righteous and like to communicate with their children in an ironic way.
For example: "You don't have to study, just your brain, learning is useless!" Or," "That's your mom, and if you want to change someone else's family, you're going to be cleaned up." ”
Such words are like knives, directly into the child's heart, the damage is very deep.
6. Threats and intimidation
Some parents will say: "You didn't do well this time, don't play during the holidays", or "This is not good, go home and see your dad clean up, don't you?" ”
These words are repressive communication, and children who live in fear for many years will avoid mistakes and have different hearts over time.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how can parents avoid cold violence? </h1>
1, pay attention to the child's emotions, do not accuse preaching, to solve the problem for the purpose
When he was a child, Bill Gates was very introverted and reluctant to play with his friends, always locking himself in the room, and his mother worried about this, and there were several quarrels.
But she soon realized that the conflict was useless, so she did not continue to argue with her son, but mobilized the whole family to conduct professional psychological counseling, slowly find out the root cause of the problem, and solve the problem.
Of course, it was also his mother's understanding and tolerance that made him famous.
2. Respond positively and achieve high-quality companionship
Maybe parents are really busy, but when your child needs help, stop what you're doing and respond positively.
You wait Mom, hold my hand, and in a moment we'll work it out together.
Respond by holding your child's hand, looking into your eyes and speaking, and answering positively, even if you don't have time right now.
Even if the child makes a mistake, he should give meaningful guidance in time and try to say: Mom doesn't like your behavior like this, but I love you, you have to be brave to be yourself, and if you don't do well, you can find me and solve it together.
Reject cold violence, start from yourself, and give your children a good childhood.
A second-born dad, good at child psychology and education, and shares my parenting experience with you