I am 90 years old this year, on the day of my birthday, I said to my daughter and son: I will die in 45 days, in this last month and a half, I am going to make up for the only regret in my life, hearing me say this, the reaction of the children in the past makes me an old lady a little unexpected...
Today, I am 90 years old is about to enter the ground, so many years of illness and torture has already let me see through the natural laws of the world's cold and warm and old age and death, at present I am still living alone, not that the children are not filial piety, but I am not willing to live with them from the bottom of my heart, I am unwilling and can not affect the lives of children; I do not want to let them hate, I want to live my own free life, I have more than 8,000 pensions per month, and I can afford my own life.
On the day of my 90th birthday, my son and daughter set two tables of meals at the restaurant to celebrate their 90th birthday, and when they were about to finish eating, I told them that after many days of consideration, I decided that I would end my life after 45 days.
When I said this, no one in the room said a word, the children and grandchildren were either stunned or stunned, they couldn't believe their ears, and they couldn't believe that I would say something that surprised them today, my sons and daughters sent the children out, they sat down and wanted to say something to me, but they didn't know how to say it, and my 90th birthday party broke up in such a heavy atmosphere.
The daughter-in-law and son-in-law went home with the children, and the son and daughter drove my sick old lady home in their own car, and at the door of the old residential area where I lived, my 65-year-old son carried me back to the home on the fifth floor.
My daughter followed behind and choked up a word, and when I got home, I waved my hand to let them all go back early, and my daughter seemed to have something to say to me, but I stopped her.
In the middle of the night, I couldn't control the bed again, the bed was full of my urine stains, I had to ruddle to the side of the bed, grasp the edge of the bed with my hands and lie down, I was powerless to change this humiliating sheet, it took a lot of effort to barely turn over, I didn't even have the strength to turn over.
The next morning after the nanny came, he helped me to sit up, changed my clean sheets and bedding, and comforted me from time to time: Big Mom, people are like this when they are old, I smiled awkwardly at the nanny, almost cried out, and the bitterness in my heart could only be swallowed into my stomach to let the stomach acid gradually corrode and digest.
I have been strong all my life, and when I reach my old age, I can't take care of myself, and I make myself so embarrassed, which is why I don't want to live with my children, I don't want them to see me like this, and I don't want them to give me a face and embarrassment, such a situation in whose family will be hated and disliked by my children after a long time, where the filial piety in front of the bed for a long time, who will be bored, this is the common sentiment of people, I just don't want to face the day when my children serve me.
More embarrassing to me is still behind, I stumbled to the bathroom, just sat on the toilet to solve, the harsh old mobile phone ringing, I instinctively want to hurry up to pick up the phone, but I can't get up how to get up, hold back enough to get up and fall to the ground, I don't know the southeast and northwest.
My daughter saw that the phone was not answered, she was anxious, she hurriedly drove over to see what was going on, saw that I fell to the ground, hurriedly took me to the hospital, in the hospital my daughter took out the small book I carried with me, which clearly recorded my daily life, I could not do anything, the last sentence wrote: I really do not want to let myself die like this without dignity...
My daughter couldn't understand why I had made such a decision, and my son slammed the door even angrier, and my daughter sat down on the edge of my bed, clutching my already emaciated hand and quietly looking at my deep eye sockets, and tears flowed out of my eyes in an instant.
I know in my heart that my children hate me and disregard their faces, and in order to liberate themselves, they choose this method of happy death, let outsiders point fingers at them behind their backs, and even poke their backbones in the back, carrying people's condemnations and accusations, carrying the infamy of filial piety for a lifetime, and the painful torture in their hearts, and the children think that I am extremely selfish in doing so.
can...... Kids! Or let me, the old woman, suffer less, and allow me to leave this troubled world quietly with my dignity, is not more important and better than your so-called face?
The old man next to the bed in the ward, he told me with tears in his eyes: the doctor inserted three tubes for him, one for breathing, one for eating, one for urination, it was really better to live than to die, once the disease recurred, he felt that he was about to die, but the doctor saved him again, he felt complete despair, murmured: Let me die quickly, you should not pull me back...
I once again couldn't help myself from urinating on the bed, my daughter cleaned up and changed me into diapers, when I was dressed, I asked my daughter with tears: Dongmei, are you satisfied with this?
I repeatedly asked to be discharged home, no longer do this ineffective treatment, the children can not help me, helplessly took me back home, back home my daughter filled me with water in the bathtub to bathe me, looking at me with only one skin left, my daughter instantly cried loudly, perhaps my daughter has realized that I, a mother who has been strong all her life and will not bow her head, has endured by wearing diapers, how cruel and ruthless it is for me.
After taking a shower and resting for a while, I told my daughter to take me to meet someone, I told my daughter the truth, but also the secret that weighed on my heart for a lifetime, that was the only man I had loved in my life, because of the strong opposition of my daughter's grandmother and grandfather, the stick beat Mandarin duck did not let us stay in this life, after we became a family, we have never had contact with each other, and now I don't know if he is still alive, is it okay? No matter what his condition is now, I will go to see him for the last time, even if he has passed away, I will go to his tombstone before leaving to send a bouquet of flowers, tell him that I have not forgotten the person I once loved most in this life, and do not let my life leave regrets.
Fortunately, he is still alive, although he is already an old man, but the spirit is still good, when I told him about my decision, he took my hand and nodded with tears, did not say a word, because only he understands me in this world, after I said it he hugged me tightly, this is our last trick in the world, even if there is an afterlife we may not be able to see...
As I was leaving, he watched my figure stand in place for a long time and refused to leave, although I could not see him, I could feel him standing behind me for a long time, until the roar of the car disappeared.
After returning home, I asked my daughter to give me five days, I made my own final arrangement, I wrote my will, and my son also made sense, I would call them all over for the last family reunion dinner one day, and told them that they must help each other and take care of each other, because they are the only family affection in this world.
I told them the day I left, when no one should come back, leaving me alone in peace and quiet...