Hello everyone, here is a small broadcast reading, today we continue to share, this book by CITIC Publishing House, just published in February this year a new book "Power". Earlier we introduced that power is the ability to control others and their results, while in essence, power is how dependent others depend on you. So today I continue to share: How should we obtain and properly use power?
When it comes to power, you may think that only the strong have it against the weak, but in fact it is not, and the game of power is actually everywhere. It can even be said that all social relationships are based on power games, which may be a bit of a black science flavor, but when you look at your own interaction process with others, you will deeply understand this.
The philosopher Schopenhauer said: In human interaction, most of the time is to show their superiority. Of course, this sense of superiority is not only for the purpose of gaining vanity, but more importantly, the pursuit of power.
The philosopher Hobbes said that everyone has an innate, continuous attempt to increase power.
The philosopher Sartre also said: In the interaction between people, they all want to compete for subjectivity, turn themselves into subjects, and turn each other into objects.
In fact, whether it is to show superiority or to compete for subjectivity in social relationships, it can be seen as a game of power.
Next, let's look at two ways in which power is used, one is to deliberately exaggerate the influence of power, and the other is to deliberately downplay the influence of power. The first is easier to understand, and Trump is an expert in this regard. For example, when Trump shakes hands, he is very hard and will habitually pull the other party, which is deliberately showing his power. In addition, he gave all his political opponents a derogatory nickname, such as giving Biden a "sleepy Joe," and often used these nicknames to verbally attack them. Trump's nickname for others seems to be deliberately demeaning others, but the fundamental purpose is to exaggerate his own power and weaken the influence of the other side. It feels like saying, "Look, I'm more powerful than you, I can just give you a nickname."
In addition to giving others casual nicknames, in addition, deliberately exaggerating or belittling others is also a manifestation of power, such as subordinates generally do not deliberately praise the dress of superiors, this deliberate attention to the behavior of the other party, will be considered an offense. But superiors can praise the appearance of subordinates in a high-profile manner, and even a slightly ridiculous tone, which is very common in the workplace, in fact, this is the same logic as Trump casually giving nicknames to others and wantonly attacking others, because, in most people's conventional thinking, social hierarchy is a symbol of power. Power often leads to those in high positions who are arbitrary, informal, and self-righteous, such as many male bosses, who often joke excessively with female subordinates without scruples, which is also true.
In addition, interrupting others casually is also a way to promote power, and one corporate executive complained that his team was not honest enough to speak, but the team trainer quickly discovered that he had a problem, that is, he often interrupted others. Leaders interrupt team members, which is a way to assert power. But this situation can also easily cause negative psychological effects on employees, feeling that they are being deprived of their powers.
In one experiment, the researchers asked two groups of college students to write an article about power. The first group of students wrote about their performance when they had power, and the second group of students wrote about their performance when they did not have power. After writing the article, the first group of students will remove the fan that is blowing in their face next to them; the other group of students will not do so, they will choose to sit there more and swallow their breath, although the fan blowing on their face is not uncomfortable. Both groups of students are in the same scene, but the first group of students behaves as they please, and it is the inner sense of power that gives them this courage and self-confidence.
There are many ways to deliberately exaggerate power, and one of the most important indicators is "attention," which the author calls "the hard-talk currency of power." We usually put more attention into those who are more important; in turn, those who are more concerned feel more empowered. Therefore, it is easy to take attention as an important indicator of power. In turn, to show this power of oneself is to refuse to pay attention to the other person, or not to care about the reaction of others. Some people say that the highest level of contempt is ignorance. In general, being late for a date, playing on a cell phone in a meeting, is considered rude, but those who are more powerful are more receptive when they do these behaviors. That's because it's through this act of ignoring the other person's feelings that a message is conveyed to the other person, that is:
My time is precious, and I have the authority to do so.
Of course, deliberately expanding the influence of power is not always a bad thing, and sometimes it is even necessary. For example, in the workplace, deliberately exaggerating power is sometimes a sign of daring to take responsibility, because in all teams, we always need someone to step forward, point out the direction of action for everyone, and control the overall situation. In addition, in daily life, appropriate exaggeration of power will make a person who is originally inferior to himself more confident and calm. In short, whether or not you exaggerate the influence of power depends on the circumstances, the people you're dealing with, and most importantly, how much power you have.
Next, let's talk about another way to use power, that is, to deliberately dilute power. Exaggerating the influence of power is to consciously or unconsciously do something to elevate yourself, to make yourself stand out, and to maintain your sense of control. But in socializing, it's also important to downplay power, because downplaying power is a way to show respect, build trust, and make others feel safe. Downplaying the influence of power serves the same purpose as exaggerating the influence of power, but for different purposes.
If exaggerating the influence of power is a way of demonstrating authority, then downplaying the influence of power is a way of showing affinity, a way of earning respect. In fact, those who are truly powerful in the world are playing down the influence of their power a lot of the time, and they tend to consciously keep a low profile. Self-deprecating humor, for example, is a way to downplay the influence of power, and in fact, many people who are popular and respected have a habit of self-deprecation, because when they are with these people, other people always feel good. People with power deliberately suppress themselves to elevate others, so that it is easier to win the respect and recognition of the other party.
And the more effective way than self-deprecation is to ask for help. Asking for help from others is a way to show respect. Seeking help from others or acknowledging your weaknesses when necessary can actually be a source of strength for you. Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks, said, "The potential strength of a good leader is to show your weaknesses at the right time, because that will bring you closer to others and let them see your more human side." ”
Everyone wants to impress others in social relationships, win the respect of others, but also want to win the initiative in social relationships, show their power, deliberately exaggerate or dilute the influence of power, is a means of balancing power, Harvard Psychologist Hackman called it a "balance of power", no matter what social hierarchy you are in, whether you have a competitive relationship with colleagues, or in a superior-subordinate relationship, the correct use of power and balance of power are crucial.
Well, today we talked about the methods and techniques of deliberately exaggerating and downplaying the influence of power, I hope to help you, if you like my content, please pay attention to "small broadcast reading", we will see you in the next article.