I've always had a view that education starts with educating parents. Why? There are two reasons for this:
First, family education is the most important education. Studies have shown that family influence accounts for 65% of a person's growth. The importance of homeschooling is self-evident. Parents' thoughts, words and deeds all subtly affect the growth of their children. So it has been said that "the family is the first school for children."
There was a sociologist in the United States named Richard Dale, who conducted a study on the growth of offspring. In his research, two prominent families in the United States were cited. Both families have had eight generations of descendants, and the family's history is almost as long as the history of the United States nation.
The progenitor of one of these families was Ghanaian Edward, a former highly respected philosopher in Connelnik. Because he attaches great importance to the education of his children, it is passed on from generation to generation. Among his eight generations of descendants, there have been 1 vice president, 1 diplomat, 13 university presidents, 103 university professors, 60 doctors, more than 20 parliamentarians... For two centuries, not a single person was locked up, arrested, or sentenced.
The ancestor of another family is Max Rook of New York. He is a notorious gambler and drunkard. Opened a gambling house and married an open-minded woman who paid no attention to the education of her children. Of his more than 1,200 descendants, 130 were imprisoned, 310 were tramps, 190 were prostitutes, and nearly 600 were alcoholics. They did not contribute anything to society, and the New York state government spent millions of dollars to imprison them and lead them on the right path.
During the Republic of China period, Zhu Qinglan, a famous educator in China, had an image and classic metaphor for education as "three dyeing vats", he said:
Children are born like snow-white silk. Family life is like the first dyeing vat, parents teach well, raise well, as if white silk dyed into a red bottom; when you enter the school, then mr. good, you will add a layer of red bottom, naturally become a big red; in society, even if bad friends and bad dyeing tanks are forced to turn him into black, his big red bottom must not change for a while. If you meet a good friend and a good dyeing tank, needless to say, you will naturally become a real vermilion, a first-class "good person".
In case the methods taught by the parents and the methods of raising them are not good, it is like the white silk in the cylinder, it has been dyed with a black bottom, and when you enter the school, there is a good gentleman who wants to turn him red, and the bottom is always difficult to fade. It was barely enough to add a layer of red for him, still half red and half black. If the child meets the unsociable husband again, when he goes to society, he encounters bad friends and bad dyeing tanks, and adds black to the black bottom layer by layer, and naturally becomes a black and blue that never fades, and a bad egg that never looks back.
These facts illustrate the importance of family education.
Second, the problems that occur in children can be found in parents. In other words, the problem is with the child, and the root cause is with the parent. In this regard, some parents do not agree with it, believing that it is exaggerated. But I don't think it's an exaggeration at all. For example, when a child first learns to speak, he does not know which sentence is swearing. When he first learned to swear from adults, how did some of us adults behave? "Yo, this baby is good, oh, will curse!" What message does the happy and joyful expression of the adult bring to the child? Swearing is something that makes adults happy and happy! As a result, he would scold hard and make the adults happy. Because children before the age of three have no ability to distinguish between right and wrong, their standard for judging right and wrong is judged by whether adults are happy and happy. When the child's habit becomes natural, has formed the habit of saying dirty words, your parents then manage him, and then criticize him, do you think the child feels wronged? Is the responsibility on the parents?
For example, if a child who has just learned to walk falls, how do our adults deal with it? Most parents are quick to pick up their children to comfort, and even more, they have to step on the ground a few feet, "it is not good, let my baby fall!" "I accidentally fell down, what happened to the place?" There are many similar things, what is the subtle impact on children? Learn to shirk responsibility! Do not look for subjective faults, emphasize objective reasons, or be unreasonable and argue a few points.
I have a relative whose child is still in the fifth grade of elementary school. At a family gathering, the father of the child inadvertently talked about speeding violations on the highway, and he was fined and deducted points. Two days later, the child told his father that the violations on the highway had been settled. It turned out that the son of a leader of the high-speed traffic police was in the same class as him and eliminated the illegal record through the father of the classmate. My relatives were very happy and thought that their son would have a relationship. I told him, don't be happy too soon, it's not necessarily a good thing! A child knows too early that relationships, power, and money can be settled, and laws, regulations, rules, and order are difficult to have a place in his mind. A person who lacks a sense of rules and order is a dangerous person!
Parents are the first teachers of children, and the subtle family education and influence will be directly related to the formation of children's moral character, concept of law and discipline, and outlook on life. In life, because we parents do not realize the impact of our words and deeds on minors. By the time we understand, the child has developed some bad problems.
The importance of homeschooling, we now understand. Let me talk about the impact of family education level on children's growth.
The City of Beijing once conducted a survey. The survey was "The Relationship between Student Performance in School and Family Education Level" and found that:
The level of family education is very good, and 95% of its children have excellent performance in school, and there are basically no latecomers; while families with a general level of education, their children are secondary students in school, accounting for 2/3, and about 15% are latecomers; improper family education, their children are latecomers in school, but as high as 85%, almost no excellent students.
Therefore, if we raise the level of improper family education to the general level, the number of latecomers will be reduced by about five times; if the general level of family education is raised to a better level, the number of excellent students will increase by about three times.
That's why we're running homeschooling campaigns.
Education is about methods, and the same is true for family education. Otherwise, parents who have good wishes may not necessarily receive good results.
Once, I was getting ready to go to class when a friend called me. His son graduated three months before his senior year of high school, but he didn't want to study, so he worked for a day and still didn't want to read. Wanted to ask me for help with the work. I asked him how you worked. He told him about the importance of reading, the difficulties of his father's past life and study, the emphasis on the need to continue reading, and so on. Finally, if you don't continue to study, you will become an adult at the age of 18 and you will support yourself. I don't want my child to say yes. I told him that what you said was correct, but he did not find the role of parents and stepped into the traditional family education method. Emphasize the importance of reading, easy to be empty, preaching sense is relatively strong, similar to political ideology education; emphasizing the difficulty of the father's past life and learning, it is bitter and sweet, the child has no personal feelings, only when the story is listened, the educational role is not strong; "18 years old has reached adulthood, you will support yourself", is an ultimatum, equivalent to administrative measures, children are prone to rebellious psychology. The role of your parents is positioned in the role of parent and leader, but not in the role of friends who can communicate with each other. I asked him to bring the child and I had half an hour to communicate with the child.
After the child came, I understood the reasons why he was reluctant to continue his studies. He believes that there is no hope for his college entrance examination, so it is better not to read it. I'll start with his analysis that he can support himself. Because he used his vacation to work as a security guard in a supermarket and earn 800 yuan a month, he thought he could support himself.
I told him that with your current level and ability, you would have to find a low-tech job like a security guard to support yourself. However, this means several problems: First, you can't make mistakes, and you can't ask for a pay raise. Because your work is low in technology and highly replaceable, you can find someone to replace you. If you make a mistake or ask for a salary increase, your boss can fire you at any time. Only if your job is less replaceable, the boss does not dare to dismiss you at will, and the salary may be increased. And to get there, you have to have expertise. The fastest way to learn professional expertise is to enter a vocational school after the college entrance examination. Second, you can't get sick. Because your salary can only live. You can't get married, have children, or buy a house. It's also because your salary can only live on your own.
This analysis has touched the child, and the tone of not reading is not so strong. So I helped him analyze the growth space of subject strengths, shorts, and scores in various subjects. In the end, he also felt confident that he would enter a vocational school and returned to school.
This example shows that education should not only pay attention to the method, but also pay attention to the touch of the content on the child's heart. Only by touching the methods and contents of the heart will there be good results.
What is education?
Earlier we said that family education is the most important education. Therefore, in a broad sense, parents are also educators and are very important educators. As an educator, you should have an understanding of the connotation of education and know what education is. Only by mastering the concept of "education" can we judge whether what we say, do, and demand for our children is education. Because in life, I find that what some parents say, do, and demand from their children is not only not educational, but also anti-educational.
So far, there has not been a scientific, authoritative explanation of the term "education." If you search with Baidu, there may be thousands of terms about "education", all of which are descriptions of "education" from different perspectives. The concept of "education" that I prefer to agree with is that "education is an activity and process carried out in a valuable and ethical manner." From this concept we know that in terms of content, the content of education must be valuable; in terms of method, it must be moral. What is valuable educational content? Content that can be helpful to students' subsequent development is valuable educational content. What is the moral way of education? The way students can live with dignity in their classes, schools, and families is a moral way of education. Therefore, according to this concept, we can judge whether our parents' words and deeds are educating their children.
In life, some parents are afraid that their children will suffer losses in school, so they tell their children who beat you must fight back, and what is taught to their children is worthless content, even anti-education. Some parents like to say that their children are useless in front of outsiders, and even in front of their children, they are ruthless, which is the immoral way of education and makes children have no dignity.
When understanding the connotation of "education", parents should also know that education is an activity and a process. It is because activity is dynamic; because it is a process, we say that "education is the art of slowness." Education is a kind of intrusion, an influence, and a process of quantitative change to qualitative change. I have two metaphors for education today for the purpose of improving grades:
1, like "fertilization", although it looks like the grass seedlings are thick and strong, the yield has gone up, but the soil is plated, and the nutritional value of the fruit is also discounted.
2, like "pig urging". But anyone with experience in rural life knows that it usually takes 8-12 months for a pig to grow normally enough to be slaughtered and eaten. What kind of feed additives such as "Feed Treasure 920" and "March Fertilizer" are used. Three or four months can be out of the way. The pigs went up, but the meat quality declined.
What should natural green education look like?
1, like "fertilize the farm". Although yield growth is slow and the work process is relatively complex (composting, composting, fertilization, etc.), it can gradually fertilize the land, promote continuous increase in grain production, and ensure food quality.
2, like "turning vine". Red amaranth is different from other crops and does not need to be too much fertilizer, but when it grows, it is necessary to constantly turn its vine-like seedlings, otherwise, the seedlings grow very vigorously, and the final red amaranth is small and small.
Educating children, just like when the red amaranth grows, we must keep turning its seedlings, only by turning it often, the stem of the red amaranth will not take root everywhere in the soil, and the nutrients are supplied to the seedlings, and the nutrients absorbed by the red amaranth seedlings can be absorbed by the fruits buried in the soil, and can produce many and large red amaranths.
The above analogy may be inappropriate, but in the process of education, we respect the laws of education, diligently "apply farm manure", "turn over the vine", the growth of grass seedlings, the formation of excellent quality of fruits, is certainly beneficial and harmless, at least will not cause soil compaction.
According to statistics, since the reform and opening up, our "college entrance examination" has 137 champions, so far none of them have become industry leaders or international masters, and none of the academicians of the "two academies" and the national scientific and technological innovation talents evaluated in the past twenty years are also the college entrance examination winners of various provinces and cities. This also seems to show that the score can be "urged", but the ability is "urged" out.
What is the purpose of a child's education?
Many parents believe that letting their children go to a good kindergarten first, then go to a good primary school, a good junior high school, a good high school, and finally a good university, find a good job, this is the purpose of children's education. It seems that all this is good will be a matter of course. So there is no end to choosing schools, choosing schools, and choosing various training courses for children. In fact, this is just the ideal design for parents to grow up with their children. The reality is that a significant proportion of our college graduates can't find suitable careers. Is there an oversupply of college students in our society? Apparently not. I have participated in several teacher recruitments, and I feel that the quality of our college students has dropped significantly. There are problems with the education system, but more importantly, the evil consequences brought about by the long-term problems of society and the educational concepts of the majority of parents.
It is foolish to think that a person's education is nothing more than three levels of requirements: learning survival skills; improving the quality of life; and realizing the value of life.
Among them, "learning survival skills" is the most basic and the most important requirement. Without life skills, improving the quality of life, realizing the value of life, and repaying society are empty talk.
Although survival skills contain many aspects, and their formation is not the result of the role of the school education side, it is an important part of the formation of survival skills for children to internalize the knowledge obtained from school education into their own knowledge system, and then externalize it into the comprehensive quality of individuals.
We all know that it is not that the more knowledge, the stronger the viability, and knowledge and ability do not necessarily grow in proportion to each other.
Learning knowledge does not mean obtaining more information, but expanding the ability to produce results that we really need in life, and it should be to turn the theories learned in books into part of our own intelligence. However, in our daily teaching, we increasingly find that the knowledge students have learned can only be used to answer questions, and is not part of their intelligence at all. The so-called "learning a lot of knowledge" of students is actually only learning the knowledge of "coping with the exam", not the knowledge "integrated into their own knowledge system". The pressure of examination brings to the school a vigorous quality education, a solid test-taking education, so that our school is not choosing an education suitable for students, but trying its best to choose students suitable for education (that is, student source competition, in essence, is a simple intellectual competition for high-quality students). School and home education do a lot of work for students to go to school, but the work done to improve students' survival skills is seriously insufficient.
Existing educational evaluation mechanisms push test scores to an unparalleled level, and scores lead to educational biases. However, the score is not equal to knowledge, let alone equal to ability, the score can only indicate the knowledge mastery of a certain stage of a certain discipline, can not absolutely explain the development of human ability, and can not reflect a person's comprehensive quality.
I have told parents on many occasions that it is okay for children to score 100 once in a while, but it is dangerous to take a 100 test often. Children who regularly take the 100-point test are not outstanding and are not smart. Smart kids think jumpy. Mistakes are inevitable in the process of jumping thinking. So smart kids often can't get high scores. Only children with general thinking and doing things according to the requirements of the teacher are easy to get high scores. Moreover, 90 points and 100 points do not necessarily have a big difference in knowledge mastery. (Mathematics master Chen Shengsheng wrote an inscription for the junior class of the University of Science and Technology of China before his death: Don't score 100 points.) Zhu Qingshi explained that the original ecological students can generally score 70 or 80 points in the exam, and if they want to score 100 points, they must work several times harder, and they must be very skilled in training to make no small mistakes. To compete for these 100 points, it is necessary to waste a lot of time and resources, which is equivalent to the land to apply fertilizer 10 times, and finally the creativity of the students is worn out. ）
Some one-sided or erroneous views in society have made family education also have a certain blindness, which affects the realization of the goal of educating people. For example, people often say that "knowledge is power" and "knowledge changes destiny". Many people mistakenly believe that as long as they read well, they can change their destiny. Here, our parents equate "knowledge" with "score." In fact, only after knowledge is transformed into ability can it form strength and change people's destiny. "Knowledge" is the unity of "knowledge" and "knowledge", "knowledge" is "reading thousands of books" - absorbing the strengths of all, "knowledge" is "walking thousands of miles" - learning to apply. Only by "reading ten thousand books and traveling thousands of miles" can we be considered knowledgeable and knowledgeable, and can we be called intellectuals; otherwise, we are only literates. And a large number of people only value "reading thousands of books" and ignore "walking thousands of miles", so there is a lack of high scores and low ability, and there are people who "can't do anything but read".
For example, we often hear the saying "don't let your child lose at the starting line". So someone else's children learn to draw at the age of three, and their own children must learn to draw at the age of three; other people's children play the piano at the age of four, and their own children also play the piano at the age of four; other people's children go to three extracurricular classes, and their children cannot be less than three. I had a former student ask me if it was appropriate for him to choose 6 extracurricular classes for his child. I told him that your priority is to cut down at least three at once. If your child doesn't like it, don't force your child to do it. Because all along, I have been deeply dismissive of the saying "don't let your child lose at the starting line". Where is the starting line of life? Is there a unified starting point? Is it the starting point that determines the outcome of the race? If you think about it, the starting line of life cannot be unified (the same), and the differences between people exist in the October pregnancy. Differences in family cultural background, social background, economic conditions, etc., have long determined the difference in individual starting points. You can not admit it, but you have to face the reality. In the long run of life, it is not the starting line that determines the victory or defeat, but the speed and endurance after the start!
Knowledge and ability together constitute the intellectual foundation of man. Intelligence and habits determine the rate of growth, and interest determines endurance.
As teachers and parents, we should understand that learning is not only to get a high score, but to enrich knowledge, master the skills of survival and the ability to understand the world in the process of learning knowledge, form a positive attitude and healthy emotions, and make children spiritually rich and become a person with cultural connotations.
In my opinion, the gap between children and children is mainly manifested in family education. Therefore, it is important not to lose on family education in educating children.
What is the role of schooling?
There is now a tendency to one-sidedly exaggerate the role of schools and teacher education. In fact, school education mainly cultivates the commonality of children, and family education mainly cultivates children's personality. As far as the knowledge imparted by school education is concerned, most of it is useless in the future working life. I have done a survey and asked many people of all cultural levels how much of the knowledge they have learned in school is used in their work. So far, the most used answer is 30%, and most people's answer is 10-20%. In fact, many people have such an experience in their study and life, and most of the knowledge in work practice is not learned from school, but from work practice. In addition to showing that school education is divorced from the reality of social life, this phenomenon also reflects a question worth pondering: Where is the role of school education?
I think that the role of school education has different emphases depending on the different stages of learning of students.
In the basic education stage, school education is mainly based on "cultivating good habits and training thinking ability"; in the professional education stage, the role of school education is reflected in "cultivating scientific spirit, improving scientific literacy, and mastering learning, analysis and research methods".
As long as the child has good learning, life, work habits, and has a good quality of thinking, as far as the knowledge of the basic education stage is concerned, with the increase of life experience and the accumulation of life experience, it is not difficult to master it in the future life. The lack of habits and thinking ability can affect a child's life.
Therefore, as far as children in the basic education stage are concerned, good habits, interests and confidence are excellent qualities that are much more important than scores.
In 1978, 75 Nobel laureates met in Paris. Nobel laureates are so reverent that a reporter asked one of them, "In your lifetime, in which university and laboratory do you think the most important things you learned?" The white-haired old man replied calmly, "It's in kindergarten." The reporter was very surprised and asked, "Why is it in kindergarten?" What do you think you learned in kindergarten? The old man smiled and replied, "In kindergarten, I learned a lot. For example, give half of your own things to children; don't take things that are not your own; put things neatly; wash your hands before meals; rest after lunch; apologize for doing wrong things; learn to think more, and observe nature carefully. I think that's all I learned. All those present applauded the Nobel laureate's answer.
In fact, most accomplished scientists believe that what they learn for life is the good habits taught to them by their teachers and parents when they were young.
Modern education should not only allow children to grasp the knowledge points in books, but should be purposeful and planned use and development, expansion and deepening of knowledge points, so that children can master methods, form skills and cultivate good habits while being trained in thinking.
Just think, a child with good habits, a strong interest in learning and self-confidence, how much worse than others?
There are several issues that should be paid attention to in family education
It has been said that "love is all there is to education". I can't agree entirely with that. Education requires love, but love alone is not enough. The problem that arises in the practice of education now is not that we do not have much love for education and children, but on the contrary, we pay too much, love too deeply, so deep that children dare not go beyond the thunder pool. Children's innocence, childlike fun, and lively nature are all lost in the name of "love". Therefore, education also needs tolerance, wisdom, so that children can progress under the light of family education wisdom and grow up in "beautiful mistakes".
Let me talk about several issues that parents should pay attention to in family education:
First, set an example for your children
Some parents complain that their children "do not listen to their parents" and "parents say one sentence, he tops ten sentences", feeling very helpless. In fact, the fundamental problem is that parents lack status in the minds of their children. Only by kissing his teacher can you believe his way, your status in his mind is not high, and your words certainly lack authority. "Prestige" is based on "faith", only if the child believes in you and admires you, you have prestige. Otherwise, there is more than enough "will" and insufficient "faith". In order to build up prestige in front of their children, parents must set an example for their children in words and deeds. If you tell your child not to say dirty words, you must make your children not hear you swear words; you require your children not to be late for school, and you cannot be late for work and parent-teacher meetings; you teach your children to be honest and not to tell lies, and you must speak count in front of your children and be consistent with your words and deeds. In short, when your child is young, you must become an idol in your child's mind. For example, if you are a traffic policeman, you can let the child go to the place where you work, let the child see that under your command, the traffic order is in order, let the child know that your work is very important and meaningful; if you are a worker, you have received praise and rewards in the unit, and you must also tell the child to let the child know that you are a serious and respected person. This not only makes it easy to establish parental prestige in the minds of children, but also sows the seeds of "doing things seriously" and becoming a "respected person" for children.
Second, parents should have the habit of learning. If you insist on reading books for half an hour a day, without your education, your children will also develop the habit of reading. Even if you insist on reading the newspaper for a while every day, you will have a positive image of loving learning in front of your children.
Sukhomlinsky said: "I firmly believe that the self-education of teenagers begins with reading a good book. ”
Wei Shusheng: If you don't read, you will be reduced to simple labor. And it's hard for a simple workforce to gain respect.
Those who lag behind in learning, hate school, those who do not think of making progress, those who do not work hard, those who have bad character and bad behavior, although their life backgrounds are different, their personalities and shortcomings are different, but one thing is common, that is, there is no hobby and habit of reading.
Third, cultivate a mind. Many parents do not hesitate to buy toys and snacks for their children, but few parents buy globes, world maps, and maps of China for their children. In fact, news programs have good and bad, there are great differences between regions, adhere to the "watch the news, find places, know the big things", children not only know the gap between the rich and the poor, but also know the knowledge, science and technology to change the fate of the truth, at the same time. Reading the world, you can also cultivate children's broad minds and grand atmosphere.
Fourth, chat together. Many parents find that their children are disobedient, and one of the reasons is the lack of communication with their children. Now the only child is relatively lonely in his heart, parents often chat with him when eating or before the child goes to bed, talk to the child about work, let the child talk about things in school, and pay attention to strengthening communication with the child. Long-term communication is easy to gain the trust of children, and children's education of parents is easy to accept. Chatting together, there is also an important role, that is, in equal communication, parents can intentionally or unintentionally pass on the way of dealing with the world and the views of parents to their children, so that children understand what kind of words and deeds parents support, and what kind of behavior parents oppose. When my child was in junior high school, the problem of early love was a concern for our parents. When talking with children about the problem of passing notes between men and women in the class, we made it clear that it is not wrong to write letters to the opposite sex, but often only write letters to the opposite sex, and parents do not approve; playing with the opposite sex is not wrong, but only playing to one opposite sex, parents do not approve. Such exchanges, the attitude of parents, the rules of the family and children understand.
Fifth, do more and say less. As the saying goes, the dragon gives birth to the dragon, the phoenix gives birth to the phoenix, and the mouse gives birth to the hole in the ground, which means that what kind of parents have what kind of children. Those who are parents are not necessarily high-ranking officials and scholars, but use their great achievements and family wealth to be examples for their children. But you can be a kind, loving, responsible, hard-working person. There is no need to use language to teach children to honor the elderly, you honor your parents and in-laws, and when the child sees it, he will learn from it in the future. In the glass on the side of the road, you bend down to pick up the garbage heap, then your behavior is a "good deed", and the seed of "goodness" is planted in the child's heart. You take your work seriously and responsibly, and you give your child the character of "seriousness". Children with a "serious" character are excellent both in their studies and in their future work.
Second, correctly look at the differences between children
"Teaching without class, teaching according to aptitude" is the educational thought of Confucius, the founder of education, and has always been a basic principle of education. Children are different, manifested by differences in intelligence type, stage of development, speed of development, level of development, learning style and non-intellectual factors. However, differences do not equal advantages and disadvantages, the purpose of education is to adopt different educational methods according to individual differences, in order to enhance the comprehensive quality of people, so that they meet their own perfection and social needs.
Different types of differences have different educational strategies. But our parents often judge their children's poor learning based on their scores alone. This is both unscientific and irresponsible to children. In my elementary school years, I didn't understand the chapter on "positive and negative ratios", and in any case, I couldn't figure out the difference between positive and negative proportions. After entering middle school, I learned the function and suddenly understood. This is the difference in the stages of development. Although I did not do well in math when I graduated from elementary school, it did not prevent me from becoming a math teacher and math Olympiad coach. Therefore, parents should have a "waiting for the flowers to bloom" mentality. A friend of mine put it well "Every flower has the right to open, but only when it suits its own season of opening!" "As a teacher and parent, I try my best to help my child find a suitable season for "flowers".
3. Correctly treat children's mistakes and mistakes
There is a saying, "God can forgive a child's mistakes." This shows that children inevitably have mistakes and mistakes in their growth, and they are worth forgiving. But it is not unprincipled forgiveness, it is to let the child grow in "beautiful mistakes" and turn mistakes and setbacks into life experiences. This requires our parents to objectively analyze their children's mistakes. Speaking of which, it is necessary to talk to parents about the "good" and "evil" in human nature.
There are two aspects of human nature, "good" and "evil", and there are two aspects of human development, positive and negative development. In terms of the development of "human nature", we should advocate the promotion of the positive development of man's "goodness" and the reverse development of man's "evil" nature.
If the "good" nature of man develops in a positive direction, such as "compassion", he will "see righteousness and courage"; if it develops in reverse, he will "look at the wall" or "fall into the well". If people's "evil" nature, such as "good and bad work", if the positive development is "coveting comfort" and "laziness"; if the reverse development is "hard work and thrift" and "hard struggle". People's "curiosity", if the positive development is "courage to explore" and "pioneering and innovative"; reverse development is "following the rules" and "sticking to the rules". People's nature of "pursuing happiness", if the positive development is "benefiting others and benefiting others" The reverse development is "harming others and harming the people"; the positive development of the nature of "dissatisfaction" is "ambitious", and the reverse development is "no ambition".
Therefore, if the child is a mistake caused by inexperience or unintentional behavior, it can be forgiven; the mistakes caused by moral problems, principle problems, and the positive development of "evil" sex cannot be easily ignored, and education must be strengthened.
Education should be good at seizing opportunities, and pay special attention to the handling of children's first mistakes. For example, the first time you scold, the first time you don't finish your homework, the first time you fight, and so on. Because the same mistake is made three times and is not corrected in time, then the habit is easy to form natural, and it is more difficult to correct it.
In the practice of education, I sometimes feel very sorry that our parents often do not pay attention to seizing the opportunity of education to educate their children. For example, two children playing, one child injuring the other, is a common thing in schools. When it comes to compensation for injuries, parents of the injured party often emphasize the negligence of the other party and even push the responsibility to the school. In fact, whether the school has responsibility has legal provisions, as a parent if you seize this educational opportunity, rational treatment, let the child understand that there is a fault should be responsible for their own fault, pay the price, "blood lesson" will often let the child teach profoundly.
Fourth, there must be reasonable and feasible house rules
"No rules, no squares", which is especially important in family education. Good house rules are the basis for children to form good habits. For example, if the child's daily work and rest time, if it starts from primary school reading, it will be formulated with the child, and supervise the implementation, and long-term persistence, which will make the child form good work and rest habits. Studies have shown that a good behavior can form a preliminary habit by insisting on 21 days, and it becomes a relatively stable habit after insisting on 90 days. That is to say, educating children cannot only make demands, or educate them on a whim, but also supervise implementation. As long as you stick to it for three months, the child will form a habit.
Parents often ask me if the Lord advocates hitting children. I certainly don't advocate hitting children, but I'm not against punishing children. If a child is at fault, he should take responsibility for the fault and pay the price. But there is a difference between "punishment" and "beating." "Punishment" is democratic education, a punitive act in the rules agreed with the child, and "beating" is rough corporal punishment.
When punishing children, pay attention to the following points:
5 situations can not be punished: 1, the child makes a mistake because the parents did not tell the child in advance that they cannot do this, or the parents did not make it clear; 2, the mistakes made by the child, the parents themselves are also committing; 3, the parents are under anger; 4, the child has special physical and psychological circumstances; 5, children under three years old.
4 situations must be punished: 1, children like to touch some dangerous objects, like to go to some unsafe places, many times education is fruitless. Because if these acts are not stopped in a timely and effective manner, they may have unimaginable consequences. 2. Some behaviors, habits and psychological tendencies of children may develop into illegal or immoral behaviors when they grow up. 3. Too selfish, serious self-inclined, and there is no place for others in the heart. 4. His parents and teachers have reminded him many times that there are rules, but he still deliberately fouls them, or does not admit mistakes after committing fouls.
However, when punishing children, attention should be paid to timely punishment, not a bad debt; explain the reason, tell the child what to do next time; do not punish the child in front of outsiders.
Fifth, educate children to start small
Learning to do things, willing to do things, being able to do things, and learning to create in doing things is very necessary and important in the process of children's growth.
Many of our parents believe that as long as they create a good environment for their children, their children will become talents; they should try to meet their children's wishes in terms of material conditions; they never let their children do things, resulting in children not doing things and unwilling to do things. Especially for some children who learn better, parents are even more reluctant to let their children do things, "As long as you study well, it doesn't matter if parents are tired and hard!" ”。 As mentioned earlier, let the child do things, just like when the red taro grows, we have to keep turning its seedlings, only from time to time, the stem of the red taro will not take root everywhere in the soil, the nutrients are supplied to the seedlings, and the nutrients absorbed by the red taro seedlings can be absorbed by the fruits buried in the soil, and can produce many and large red yams. Let children do things appropriately, do what they can, and do their own things, not only to cultivate their children's ability to live, but more importantly, to let children have the awareness that they should bear family obligations as family members. You can do no more now, but you know you should do it and you will do it.
Case: Wei Yongkang's story
Wei Yongkang of Huarong County, Hunan Province, began primary school at the age of four, completed the six-year curriculum of primary school in three years, and entered Huarong No. 1 Middle School at the age of eight. In the five years of studying at Huarong No.1 Middle School, he was still naïve and rather stubborn, and he once caused teachers a lot of headaches, and he did not really study a complete lesson like his classmates. But Wei Yongkang's memory and comprehension ability are amazing, a thick English-Chinese dictionary looks at page after page tears off page by page, and the library books that no one cares about let him pass the time of growing up. At the age of 12, he was admitted to the college entrance examination that year and did not go to study, and at the age of 13, the test score exceeded the key undergraduate line of Hunan Province by more than 80 points, and he studied at Xiangtan University in Hunan Province (on the condition that Xiangtan University arranged accommodation and temporary work for his parents to take care of him), and At the age of 17, Wei Yongkang was admitted to the master's and doctoral classes of the Chinese Academy of Sciences.
Without his mother's care, Wei Yongkang would not take care of anything himself, and had almost no experience of normal interaction and communication with his peers. Some people have seen him wear very thin clothes and slippers in Tiananmen Square in winter to watch the national flag, and some people say that Wei Yongkang, who is poor but still stubborn, is disgusted by his mentor... Later, it was learned from the media that in August 2003, Wei Yongkang, a "prodigy" who had been a graduate student for three years, was withdrawn from the Chinese Academy of Sciences because the knowledge structure was not suitable for the research model of the Institute of High Energy Physics of the Chinese Academy of Sciences.
Wei Yongkang's interest is theoretical physics research, and he dropped out of school and went home to write his dissertation in his small house all day. In order to prevent him from running around every day to buy vegetables, his mother had to buy him a large bag of sunflower seeds that he liked to eat the most...
Sixth, cultivate children's self-confidence
Polarization is a common phenomenon in education, and the difference between excellent students and latecomers is not only reflected in intelligence and other aspects, but also in psychological quality. Latecomers live in a gray space during the long term, lacking the experience of success, lacking the confidence and courage to struggle, and lacking the necessary sense of belonging and achievement. Teachers and parents should meet their inner needs for self-esteem and self-confidence, awaken their untapped abilities, and enable everyone to share in the happiness of demonstrating their talents. The famous "leather marion effect" and "flea experiment" give us great inspiration, and attention and confidence are the prerequisites for children's success.
Experiment: Leather Marion Effect
There is a story in Greek mythology: a prince of Cyprus, Leather Marion, carved a beautiful woman out of ivory, and when he carved it, he poured all his efforts and feelings into it, and after carving it, he held it in his hand every day, and looked at her with affectionate eyes. Inspired by this story, in 1968, American psychologists Rob Rosenthal and Reynold Jacobson conducted a famous experiment - the "Rosenthal Effect" experiment, which achieved unexpected results. They call this effect the "leather Marion effect." In the experiment, they randomly selected a group of first-graders and then told their teachers that the students had been identified as "newly bloomed flowers" after a special test, with endless potential to produce "academic sprints" in the near future. In the future, teachers and students looked at them differently in all aspects, and they were unconsciously infected, and their self-esteem and self-confidence were multiplied, and they worked extra hard. The results found that when the teachers expected these students to show a higher level of intellectual progress, they did achieve much higher IQ scores than the control group students after a period of time. The researchers explain that the progress of these students is mainly the result of the expectations of teachers and students, that is, the effect is a magical function produced by respect, trust, love and higher interpersonal expectations of the educational object.
This is illustrated by the parenting of Karl Witt in Germany in the 19th century. Carl Witt's son, Little Witt, was considered to be some congenitally deficient child when he was young, but Carl Witt did not give up, saying: "For children, the most important thing is education rather than talent. Even those who have only ordinary talents can become extraordinary people as long as they are educated. Carl Witt put this belief into his own family education, and he firmly believed that Little Witt would become an extraordinary person, and used it to expect him and ask him. Under his meticulous nurturing, Little Witt learned to speak at the age Chinese of eight or nine, was admitted to the University of Leipzig at the age of 9, was awarded a doctorate in philosophy at the age of 14, and two years later received a doctorate in law, and became a professor of law at the University of Berlin. From the child who is born inadequate in the eyes of others to the law professor at the University of Berlin, the main reason is that Carl Witt has taken the true meaning of the "Peel effect" as a premise throughout the beginning and end of education.
Experiment: Flea experiment
Psychologists put a flea into a cup without a lid, and as a result, the flea easily jumps out of the cup. Then, the psychologist covered the cup with a piece of glass, so that every time the flea jumped up, it could not jump out because it hit the glass. Soon, the psychologist removed the glass, and as a result, the flea was no longer willing to jump.
This "flea experiment" gives us great enlightenment, and people are like fleas: after a period of effort and do not reach the predetermined goal, they are discouraged, think that this thing can never be done by themselves, and ignore the growth of their own strength and the change of external conditions, and give up the effort to achieve the goal. Over time, the formation of a mindset, trapped in the experience of failure can not climb out, again and again lost the opportunity at your fingertips, and finally nothing, wasted a lifetime.
In real life, I often find that many of our parents spare no money, energy and time for their children, do not consider the children's own foundation, and find ways to enter famous schools and top classes. In fact, this is irrational. What kind of school is the best school? The school that suits the child is the best school, and the education that suits the child is the best education. There is a Chinese saying that "it is better to be a chicken head than a phoenix tail", why? Because as a "chicken head", he has self-esteem, a sense of accomplishment, and self-confidence. Just imagine, a child with average academics to the top class, no matter how hard they try, they are ranked last, Nu does not work hard, the results are the same, will he still work hard? Will he have self-confidence? Especially some parents, the first grade let their children live in school! "Familyize" schools. Can schools give children before the age of 10 the affection, warmth and security of parents they need? School can never replace the family!
Education has a law, but there is no law, and the most important thing is to obtain the law. Successful methods are not replicable. In the face of individual differences in the face of individual differences, no lecture or tutoring method can be suitable for each child. It is important for parents to be inspired by these lectures and methods to find an educational approach that suits their child.