We are often obsessed with the seemingly dashing state of life of others, but we will always selectively ignore the involuntary behind it.
During the winter vacation of 2008, Chen Ran met a girl on the Internet, a native of Wuxi County, Chongqing, and they have not been able to meet yet.
Maybe they have met, but they don't remember it clearly, the time is long, and everything that was thought impossible to forget is eventually quickly forgotten uncontrollably.
Chen Ran said: "A few days ago, on a whim, she actually studied in changsha university, I always thought she was studying in Chongqing, and now I think I feel ashamed, maybe it has been too long without contact, memory has automatically ignored some unimportant details, on November 14, 2011, she returned the last message, and since then there has been no news." ”
"How did you suddenly think of her?" I stared at him with a smirk.
"Can you stop looking at me with this kind of gaze, I haven't done anything harmful to nature!" Chen Ran began to be irritable.
"How many stories of wind and snow and snow moon did you two have now forgotten?" I replied with a look of contempt.
"What are you kidding, neither of us has ever met, and I don't even know what her name is." Chen Ran looked at me with a surprised face.
"Selectively forget, this is what you are best at, forget it, I'll send something for you to see."
I didn't bother with him, and I casually sent a photo of Chen Ran and her, the photo was vague, and I could faintly see the extremely green faces of the two of them.
"Where did this come from, and how come I'm not impressed at all?" Chen Ran's face was all right.
"You two loved each other to death, how could she have been if you hadn't been the first to get there—" Suddenly I didn't want to say anything, and those unusually translucent and melancholy eyes seemed to be in front of me at the moment.
She was married, Chen Ran didn't know, or he didn't remember.
Rarely on renren network, every time you log in just to see your status.
You've called many times, either not answering or busy, and many times later, knowing that you're busy, you won't call. Take care of yourself.
In the summer of 2010, Chen Ran was busy looking for a job, but he never found too suitable, and the state of three days of fishing made him unable to calmly take care of many things, that is, during that time period, he gradually broke off contact with many people, including the Chongqing girl.
Chen Ran is a person who only cares about his inner feelings, at least most of the time before.
But anyone who loves himself far more than he loves others, it is not an exaggeration to say that the good point is that he is cold-skinned, and that he is almost cold-blooded and ruthless.
It takes two years to fall in love, but it takes three years to forget. Maybe that's the so-called thoughts left over from the past. When we talk about things that seem to be other people in a good friend-like tone, the indescribable hurt after the happiness, how to forget.
I haven't read a book for a long time, not because I don't want to, but I don't dare, the more I look at it, the more I feel lonely, and the farther I look away from the crowd. Chen Ran said that he felt very lonely, the kind of wandering uneasiness in the depths of his soul, I wanted to say that I was more lonely than him, when he was lonely, I listened to him, and when I was lonely, I could only hold my head and bear the pain of that deep gap.
When I think of a person, I want to smoke myself, a person who has said that I am at ease, but I am always overwhelmed and want to forget, but a person who has lived in the depths of my heart for too long can forget at once.
I want to have no heart and no lungs, I want to be simple, and it is best to go back to the original as clear as water. (Several paragraphs written down at different times, not opinions of insight )
I looked through the diary that Chongqing sister wrote a long time ago, and the time was about April 2013.
Time back to 10 years, when we were all faced with the choice of graduation, did not think about what would happen in the future, at that time I was struggling with work, tossing and turning for more than half a year to settle down, did not care where she was going, what should I do?
I always thought that she would stay in Changsha with Chen Ran, but I didn't expect Chen Ran to forget more thoroughly than I did.
In fact, the two of them really determined the relationship, from the summer vacation in 2008.
"Hey, would you recommend watching a TV series?" Just a few days after talking, she said this to Chen Ran.
"Well, you say ——!" Chen Ran responded eagerly.
"'Blood Romance", starring Liu Ye and Sun Li, if you are interested, you can read the novel, the story of the old three, quite interesting." There was great joy in her tone.
In the following one or twenty days, Chen Ran officially opened the chase mode, and once did not forget to look at it a few times when eating, and then his father was annoyed and directly hit him.
"You think Zhong Yuemin is free and envious of his life like that, but what do you have to do like him?"
Chen Ran and his father were right, over the years, Chen Ran proved that he was just a loser with practical actions.
Nearly thirty years old, still single, in love with many girls, however, none of these girls eventually had any contact, they all seemed to disappear, as if they had never appeared.
After the age of 25, Chen Ran was more inclined to Zheng Tong's mental state.
When he made a silent struggle against life day after day in the broken caves in northern Shaanxi, when he talked to Jiang Biyun on the hillside about the essence of Mr. Chen Yinke's "independent spirit and free thought", the past was like a cloud of smoke, and the future was close at hand.
In such an environment where everyone only wants to fill their stomachs and hollow their minds, his life realm has exceeded his peers too much, and the grinding of the years has made his mind more sober and calm, although the hippie smile does not change, but the "insight of the world" hidden at the bottom is enough to open the gap with everyone.
I am a poet of the flesh and a poet of the soul
I possess the pleasures of heaven and the pains of hell
We found our own home in the quiet cool of dawn
My voice tracked where I couldn't see it
As soon as my tongue rolled up, it touched the world
This is a poem that Zheng Tong and Jiang Biyun recited after talking about their lives, at this time they were still worried about the future, and after returning to the city, Zhong Yuemin said goodbye to him before he carried out an important military mission.
"Victory, not arrogance; defeat, not to mention discouragement; and those who have thunder in their chests and a face like a flat lake, worship the general!"
Zheng Tong, who is familiar with the twenty-four histories, has completed an extremely gorgeous turn with more than ten years of life experience, at this moment, there is no doubt that he is a person with a big mind and great wisdom, not a naïve young man who thinks he can read a few poems, which is an extremely brilliant background left by the years, which makes people admire and can't stop yearning.
Chen Ran said that in the end, it was just a yearning, and he had never really practiced it.
The story begins in the 1960s and continues to the 1990s after the reform and opening up, spanning more than 30 years.
This group of teenagers who are wrapped up in the times use ordinary and very personal growth experience to explain to us the life experience of people of different origins and different personalities in that era, struggling between ideals and reality.
At first glance at this drama, almost everyone will be attracted to the character of Zhong Yuemin, he is different, he is unique, he is different from most people of the same era.
This is a very contradictory synthesis, he obeys his heart, he acts in time, but he is swayed by the times, and the strong-hearted person never goes with the flow, but on the contrary, he will go with the flow and enjoy life to the fullest.
When the family is affected, then concentrate on being a stubborn lord, fighting in groups, patting mother-in-law, sneaking around reading banned books, listening to classical music, and eating and drinking everywhere and feeling taken for granted.
Zhou Xiaobai took the lead in falling, obsessed with his strong appearance under a poetic heart, he is a poet with a kitchen knife, a chivalrous guest with romantic feelings in the blood-colored era, he has never had a burden in his heart, he is born a game life, nothing can really tie him up.
His life is a period of time, play tired of another way of life, although there will be a short period of pain, loss and even confusion, but will always quickly adjust over, he will digest all the unhappiness, and then get up the spirit to start again.
When others joined the army through various channels, he calmly accepted the reality of cutting in line, and a song of letters to the sky made his soul haunt his dreams, and in northern Shaanxi he met QinLing, the favorite of his life.
Qin Ling's calmness and rationality made him confused, at least at that time he was difficult to control, this person who could easily do anything, the first time he met an opponent, before joining the army, they completed the first experience of each other's lives in the grass, and there was no contact for several years, which became a regret in Zhong Yuemin's heart.
Many years later, he and Qin Ling were reunited, the old dream was revisited, when he had fantasized about marrying Qin Ling, and a series of subsequent changes made the obsession in his heart a little shattered, and finally Qin Ling tended to be realistic, in order to raise half a million yuan to save Zhong Yuemin and marry Singapore.
Li Chuliang once jokingly asked her: "When I am not by your side, will you have other lovers?" "
Qin Ling replied, "I can't guarantee no, it depends on my luck, if I meet a very good man, I don't think I will refuse." "
Li Chuliang said confidently: "Then I can rest assured that you can rest assured, because I believe that your appreciation of men may be better than mine, but you may not be able to meet." "
Qin Ling corrected: "Ah Liang, you are not smart enough at this point, a person's charm does not depend on the accumulation of all the advantages, just like taking the college entrance examination, with the total score of several courses to reach the admission line, this method may be suitable for the exam, but it is never suitable for the choice of feelings, once it comes to feelings, many things are not clear." "
Qin Ling became Li Chuliang's lover, at this time she never thought that she would meet Zhong Yuemin again, even if she did, she could not guarantee that she would ignite the fire of love again, after all, after all these years, the world changed and it was difficult to predict.
After the concert, she and Zhong Yuemin sat in the café, at that time she had no intention of reliving old dreams with Zhong Yuemin, and strangely, when Zhong Yuemin sat opposite her, Qin Ling actually felt a male breath rushing towards her, making her feel a panic, a suffocation, and a long-lost passion gushing out from the depths of her soul, making it difficult for her to restrain herself.
The big boy of that year, now grew into a mighty man, full of male charm, his thinking and movements are the same agility, Qin Ling read on his face as calm as water confidence, killing decisive domineering, Qin Ling later understood that only a man who has quenched fire on the battlefield of blood and fire can create this temperament.
Between men and women, the beginning of love is the simplest and most moving, because they do not understand, they have expectations and great mystery for each other, and they always want to understand it thoroughly, but once they really understand, as Zhang Ailing said: "After a man thoroughly understands a woman, he will not love her." ”
There is a sentence in Eason Chan's "Red Rose": "What is not obtained is always in turmoil, and those who are favored are always fearless." ”
The break between him and Qin Ling was doomed from the moment of reunion, when the regret was completed, the knot in his heart had been unraveled, and all he was left with was separation, which was the best ending and the most helpless reality.
Every man may meet three types of women, one who loves himself the most, one who loves himself the most, and one who suits best, but who can really tell the difference between red and white roses?
If this man is a game of life, in the final analysis, he loves himself the most.
He took everything as a logical thing, all the people who appeared and what happened, he would think that it was the arrangement of fate, so why not enjoy it, he would only think according to his own logic, just like Zheng Tong and Jiang Biyun talked about in bed: "He only values the process, not the result, but for this kind of person, success or failure makes no difference to him." ”
He is a man on the road, at least a spiritual wanderer, he does not know what kind of life he likes, but he understands what kind of life he does not like, this kind of person is not responsible at any time, he is only responsible for himself, living according to his heart.
Gao Yue suddenly appeared in Zhong Yuemin's life, they went to the import and export company together because of a joke stall pancake, the pancake stall was served by the city management, because Zhan Yi borrowed money and went to prison, Gao Yue resigned, she has been with him from beginning to end, let him toss and turn wantonly, she is very close, but she sees very far, she found Zhou Xiaobai when she was extremely confused, in fact, she knew everything, and she knew enough, just for the next determination.
Later, she opened a hotel, pulled Zhong Yuemin into the company, and when Ning Wei's matter was over, he chose to go on the road again, letting Gao Yue wait again, and he constantly tossed himself and did not succumb to the realistic arrangement.
I am not a man who can be satisfied with his wife and children to live a small life, I am not a person who keeps to himself, I want to live according to my own ideas, if a way of life is too tired, then I will immediately change another way of life, in my opinion, when I was in the queue to eat and now to be a soldier are just two different ways of life, it does not matter which is good or bad, these two lifestyles I will happily invest in, I treat it as a game.
If I get tired of playing both games, I'll play another one, anyway, to have fun.
XiaoBai, if I live with you, can you understand my way of playing? Can you play with me? "
Gao Yue is undoubtedly the most suitable candidate, she loves this man, willing to do this for a lifetime, looking at this child who seems to never grow up, she waits for the day when he tosses and turns, wait for the moment when his heart is quiet enough, although it is far away, but it can always wait, and there can be sustenance.
If we talk about the traces of the heart, Gao Yue has the dedication of Shakyamuni cutting meat and feeding eagles, and the premise is love, which is willingness.
To love someone, you don't necessarily have to marry him. Marriage is a daily life, and there is no necessary relationship with love, what Qin Ling once said, but it was practiced by Gao Yue.
"You are waiting by my side, you are gone, I am still waiting."
I was born to experience life.
Being born as a human being and just living according to the heart, this kind of thought has been thought of by everyone, but very few people really insist on doing it.
The vast majority of people cannot be detached from life, and can only act according to a script that seems to be destined to be good, in comparison, nothing more than good or bad.
Some people choose to be on the road, such as Chen Ran, who used to love to die and live, but now he has forgotten everything, and for example, this article, the story of the two of them was told in the front, but the back did not explain clearly, in fact, he pretended to forget, why should I mention it again?
In fact, who is not on the road, but the way is different, one day, can not walk, if there are memories, can tell themselves very quietly: I am very happy in this life, although there is pain, but these have long become a part of life, inseparable.