Half awake and half drunk day after day, windless and speechless year after year

Today I took a few books from my colleagues, Chai Jing's "Seeing" casually flipped through, and saw that there was such a sentence in it, I was a three-nothing person: "ignorant, fearless, shameless." I can't help but smile, in fact, we are all living in other people's books.

I feel that I am still the child who watched "The Girl We Chased In Those Years" and vowed to come to a vigorous story when we grew up a little, but the truth is that we didn't have time to react to that age, and even we didn't have time to make the story come alive, and those times became memories. We swore to have a different life, but we found that what we lived was not just what we thought... When we are students, as long as we study hard and get good results, we can get a lot of praise, and when we enter the society, we find that there are too many people who shine brightly, we will be mad because of our lack of ability, because of the doubts of others, we will be more and more suspicious of ourselves, and when we encounter difficulties, we feel that we are really bad enough... In short, it is becoming more and more useless, but sometimes it feels like it can do everything, and the cow is flying.

At this age, it is really a day full of mixed feelings, but at least we are becoming more and more mature. A friend told me today that his current work is very busy every day, and even the time for lunch is not, and finally it is almost time to leave work, happily go to talk to colleagues about the day, just entered their office to split their heads and cover their faces with a rebuke, friends said that they actually knew that they were joking, but they felt full of stomach grievances, at that time the pain in their hearts, that moment they understood those plots played on TV, those who tried to pretend to understand but always knew half of the feeling. The feeling at that time was to forget it, and then turned his head away, and he told me that at that moment he suddenly had a feeling of following what he thought, and when he walked back, his eyes were really clear. After all, it is an age that has to mature.

Yesterday I came home from work, saw a back image of a very good mother, said to blame me a few seconds ago was still happy like a child, saw the back of the shadow tears rushing down, a moment ago was still warm by the sun, this second is like falling into the ice cellar, cold and bone-chilling. Thinking about her, thinking very much, I came home and took out a picture of my mother, I was born many years away from my mother, and now I am about to catch up with her age, and it will not be long before I will be older than her. I didn't even have time to have a good fight with her during adolescence... I don't know when I saw the mother and son walking side by side on the road, I was jealous, to be precise, it should be afraid, I was wondering why so many people can enjoy the world, why can't the mother? I remember that at that time, my aunt often said that I should want to open up a little, there were many people who were much worse than me in this world, and at that time, the little me immediately retorted with sharp teeth: "Aunt, but there are more people in this world who are happier than me, I am not envious or jealous, but why am I like this, am I too ignorant of things?" I can't remember the original words I said at that time, but I clearly remember the pain on my aunt's face and the tears that smashed in my heart. From then on, I gradually put on my body some strength that did not match the age at that time, I began to laugh wildly, I began to be no longer so quiet, I began to intentionally or unintentionally coddle, and then in the unknown place to be my innate self. I remember when I was in my junior year, a senior asked me what kind of personality I wanted to be, and I realized that I had never thought about this question, but I didn't plan to think about it, let it be natural, after all, I don't know what happens tomorrow, I have changed again...

Half awake and half drunk day after day. Windless and speechless year after year

May everything slowly get better.........

Gathering and dispersing is always impermanent, and life is not harmed.