My name is Wang Wang, gender male, middle-aged, married, living in a second-tier city in Jiangsu and Zhejiang, and have completed the second child indicator.
In August of this year, on a calm working day, I had a chance encounter with my supervisor in the company's pantry.
"Boss, I want to take a few days off in sick next week."
"Okay, what days?" I don't see your headache and brain fever."
"I've got to have a little surgery."
"What surgery?"
I hesitated for a few seconds, "Vasectomy."
"What?"
"It's a ligature."
「……」
The back in front of the microwave froze for a second.
A "ding" sound saved two middle-aged men from moments of social death. He seemed relieved, took out his lunch box, turned his head and said, "You'll go through the process when the time is set," and hurried back to his workstation.
About a psychological effect, I vaguely felt that there was a hint of restrained pity in the supervisor's eyes when he looked at me, like looking at a male domestic cat that was about to be castrated.
Image source: Stand Cool Helo
Why ligature?
Many men hear the word "sterilization" and their first reaction is "castration", "no lifting", "no more majesty".
I had done my homework beforehand and it was just a routine sterilization. The so-called "vasectomy", as the name suggests, is only a vas deferens, which has nothing to do with the penis and testicles, and will not affect the "male wind".
For example, this operation is equivalent to building a dam on the vas deferens, blocking only the sperm, and most of the components of the semen come from downstream of the ligation point, that is, the seminal vesicle gland and the prostate. Whether it is an erection or ejaculation, this operation does not hinder, nor does the pleasure affect.
Far from it... Tell me why I went for a ligature.
I have been married to my wife for seven years and have two children. In the first two years, because of a small birth, her body was obviously much weaker.
In the first half of this year, because of the epidemic, we stayed at home all day, and our work and rest were not regular. Her endocrine problems worsened, and she occasionally complained to me that she would have trouble dealing with contraception if she had a tight schedule.
Some relatives and friends around her suggested that she have a ligature surgery once and for all. The problem was that her physical condition was not suitable for the operation.
If that's the case, it's up to me to get a ligature.
Don't get me wrong, this is not "self-sacrifice." I have carefully checked the data, women need to open the abdominal cavity to do ligation, the operation is very complicated, and the probability of postoperative infection is relatively high. In contrast, ligation surgery for men is less difficult and much safer.
In my opinion, if it was my wife who was going to get the ligature, it would be a kind of self-sacrifice for her.
Unexpectedly, on the way to the operating table, the biggest obstacle was not my male dignity and knowledge blind spot, but a doctor.
The doctor advised me to turn back to the shore
In May, taking advantage of the fact that the epidemic subsided, I went to a local tertiary hospital and hung up a urology department.
The doctor heard me say that I was going to have a ligature, which was very unexpected, and asked me why I wanted to do this operation, and asked me with a confused face: What else can I do? Afraid of pregnancy, I have two babies.
The doctor said he couldn't do the operation, and no one in their hospital could do it. Not that the threshold is high, in fact, it's a very simple little surgery. But nowadays, there are too few men willing to do sterilization surgery, and many hospitals do not do this business anymore.
If I couldn't do it, the doctor tried to persuade me to turn back to the shore.
He stressed that sterilization is a less reversible method of contraception. He met some patients who repented after years of sterilization and went to the hospital for "vasectomy reversal". But the problem is that not everyone who has done the compound can fully restore fertility, and the longer it drags on, the lower the chances. "Can you guarantee that you won't regret it in the future?"
He also mentioned that although this is a small operation, it is not without any risks. For example, some patients may develop infections after surgery. Some long-term complications, such as chronic local pain and stasis of the epididymis, are also possible.
Honestly, after talking to this doctor, I had a little hesitation and worry. After leaving him, I did some homework and found that the risk problems he talked about existed, but it involved a probability problem. Only a few people will experience symptoms of discomfort in the short term after ligation. As for the complications he listed, the chances of occurring are also very low.
After checking the information and adjusting my psychological expectations, my doubts were dispelled.
More importantly, there happens to be a "forerunner" around me who can talk about feelings and learn from the scriptures, that is, my father.
"One person is turkishized, the whole family is glorious"
I was born in rural Jiangsu and Zhejiang in the late 1980s. At that time, if the first child in the family gave birth to a boy, the village would come to arrest people to do the sterilization, either "female za" or "male za". If the first child gives birth to a girl, the village allows another one.
But when I was born, the policy was not so strict, plus the villagers in the township, or pay attention to human feelings. So our family gave birth to me as a boy for the first time, and the village did not force my father or my mother to be sterilized.
After my mother became pregnant with my brother, the family discussed it, but she still had to hide, so she stole her in her mother's house. During that time, the whole family was worried about the east window incident.
When my brother was ripe, the facts could not be hidden, and my father was taken to get a ligature.
When I was very young, I knew that my father had been materated, which means "I can't have a baby." I also found that many of my friends in the village had their fathers do the ligature at home.
In most people's minds, in those days, it was usually the lesbians of the family who were asked to be sterilized.
However, in the years when I was born, the actual situation in the village was that many women, like my mother, did not sterilize the first child in time, and after giving birth to the second child, the physical condition did not allow them to undergo sterilization immediately in a short period of time. In this situation, the comrades engaged in family planning in the village usually do not risk waiting for the mother to recover in order to avoid long nights and dreams, but directly ask the man to perform ligature surgery.
The old man said that in those years, because of the problem of ligature, there were still some troubles in the village. Especially when it comes to families who have given birth to girls with two births, the situation is similar to that written in Mo Yan's novel "Frog".
My father was fine that time, after all, there are two sons, the village "male Za" is also quite common, although the villagers will laugh at each other, but also know that in addition to not having a baby, this matter is actually not harmful to the couple's life.
But then again, for my dad's generation, if it weren't for the policy requirement, saying that "one person is tied, the whole family is glorious", they would never have taken the initiative to sterilize.
My situation is just the opposite. For me, having a ligation was a deliberate result. But if the doctor refuses to do it, it is useless for me to think clearly.
Before the ligature, I shaved myself
After hitting a wall in the top three hospitals, I inquired about it and found that local hospitals that were still doing this business were really rare, so I temporarily shelved the plan.
Until July and August, I heard that the City's First People's Hospital could do it, and after a review, I quickly made a decision.
I went to hang up the expert number in the first week of August. This time, the doctor did not ask much, after the examination, the adverse reactions and precautions were clearly explained, and then arranged the operation a week later, so it triggered the "chance encounter" between me and the supervisor at the beginning of the article.
Except for my supervisor, I never mentioned surgery to anyone else so as not to regenerate the branches.
But unexpectedly, my wife almost retreated.
Before doing the nucleic acid test and antibody testing, she and I went to the hospital and asked her to sign a document similar to a consent form. Probably because she was too nervous, she began to worry that the adverse reactions written on the consent form would really happen, and she actually had a fight with me in the hospital.
Fortunately, in the end, the sick leave application was cleared, the family consent letter was cleared, the new crown virus nucleic acid test was cleared, and I was admitted to the hospital the day before the operation, ready for a historic moment.
By the way, I've heard before that you need to "prepare your skin" before surgery, that is, shave off your pubic hair. Usually this step is done by the nurse, but I simply shaved it at home. After all, it is a sensitive part, and you can only be assured when you put down the knife yourself.
But when I was hospitalized, I realized that the practice of preparing skins at home was not standardized and could increase the infection rate. Moreover, the standard practice of this step is actually on the day of the operation, so even if I shave it in advance, it is useless.
The surgery is really not complicated. The doctor has explained in advance that you only need to grope for the location of the vas deferens on the skin of the scrotum, cut two small openings, pick out the vas deferens, cut off a small section, tie the mouth, stuff it back, and then suture it.
The wife said that that evening, she waited outside the operating room for only twenty minutes, and it was over, "feeling similar to when I accompanied the incident to the clinic to cut eggs for the cat."
But because of the intravenous anesthesia, I didn't know anything about this series of processes.
When I lay on the operating table, I didn't feel much nervous. The anesthesia worked quickly, and I vaguely fantasized about the picture of the operation, imagining that the doctor picked out a "tube" in the stomach and tied a dead knot, and it didn't take long to fall asleep.
After waking up from the anesthesia and gradually regaining consciousness, the first perception I felt came from near the lower body. A little sore, and a slight pain.
The doctor told me that this soreness comes from the scrotum, and many people will have this symptom when they have just done surgery.
The position of the wound is covered with gauze. In order not to touch the wound, I could only lie on my back on the bed straight, and after a long time, my waist was sore. At night, I never dared to sleep too deeply, for fear that if I turned over, I would crush the wound, and I slept for several hours until it was almost dawn.
This uncomfortable feeling lasted until the next day. I got out of bed and tried to take two steps, and immediately I had back pain. The doctor checked it out and said there was no problem, just rest at home for a few days, and arranged for me to be discharged.
After the surgery, I rested at home for a week and then went for a follow-up and everything was fine.
By the way, the doctor actually said hello, it is best not to ejaculate for one to two weeks after the ligation. But before the review, out of some unprovoked uneasiness, I secretly did a few "small experiments" myself. The results showed that the operation really had no effect on my "masculinity".
The only thing that worries me a little is that in the weeks after the operation, my left testicle occasionally feels a little uncomfortable, and I really feel the feeling of "egg pain". When I was reviewed again, the doctor prescribed me some antibiotics. Later, the "egg pain" gradually subsided.
Today, two months have passed since that operation. From the experience of these two months, although the ligation is a small operation, it is still a knife after all. In the process of wound healing, people will inevitably have some discomfort, and indeed need to pay more attention to avoid infection.
As for the sex life, rest assured, everything goes well.
In another month, I'll have to go to the hospital for one last follow-up. If this examination shows that there are no sperm left in my semen, then my operation is a complete success.
Contraception was not my wife's business alone
I never mentioned ligatures again. At present, among the people who know me in this world, the only people who know that I have been sterilized are my wife, my parents, my supervisor, and my attending doctor.
During the review, I talked to the doctor.
In our city, few hospitals can do this kind of surgery, but he can't do it a few times a year. After all, there are many ways to use contraception this year, and few people will consider this less reversible method if they are not really determined.
In his impression, in recent years, the situation of this operation is basically the same as mine, I have already given birth to a second child, and I want to do it once and for all. Before those couples come to consult the vasectomy, they often consult the woman's sterilization operation first.
"They ended up finding me, usually because the woman couldn't get on the ring."
I've talked about ligatures in some forums online. Hide behind a network ID and don't mind some inexplicable pity.
Most of the replies were from fellow men. In addition to some giggle reproductive passages, their main concern in the reply is that the operation does not affect the "performance" and how the operation is carried out, but few people ask me about the "contraception" itself.
I don't think that when men have children, they have to do the same ligature as I do. Nowadays, it's more about personal choice.
Contraception is a complex issue, and each family should find the best solution according to their own situation and fulfill the obligations of both spouses.
Nor did I feel like I had accomplished any great "feat." I simply bore the responsibilities of my wife as a husband, as a man who loves her, based on my wife's physical condition and what I learned about the risks of female sterilization.
After all, she had already burdened too much on the two things of childbirth and contraception.
(Want Want is a pseudonym)
Curated ellen
Cover image source station cool helo