When I saw the book "Lucky Luke", I kept thinking about a question: why in Luke, luck always came to him, but after reading this book, I found that if you do nothing and only look forward to the lucky visit, you will never reap the lucky light. Lucky growth mindset requires constantly breaking fixed thinking to get it.
This is a story about the cavalry regiment, let's look at this story first:
The Cavalry Regiment and the Cheyennes had signed a peace agreement, but because one of them killed the Cheyenne bison, they violated the peace agreement and provoked the war, but with Luke's help, they succeeded in finding the peace saboteur and preventing the outbreak of war, allowing the two sides to maintain the original peace.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >why luke was lucky enough to solve this? </h1>
Looking back at Luke's process of solving things, let's see how Luke broke his fixed thinking and successfully broke the game!
1. Luke is a stone that stirs up a ripple in the fixed thinking of the cavalry regiment. The cavalry regiment became stubborn under the rules of obedience to orders, and its thinking was limited, as long as it was a conflict, everyone thought of "military solution" rather than peace talks. Luke's arrival makes everyone think differently again. The younger son of the leader of the cavalry regiment is an example. Before Luke came, his task was to do chores every day, peel potatoes, serve dishes, etc., but after Luke came, he became a hero. Without neglecting his responsibilities because of his identity, he went alone to rescue Luke, who was trapped, and also went with Luke to move the rescue troops and save the entire cavalry regiment.
2. Jump out of the circle of thinking. When everyone thinks that the Cheyenne people are incomprehensibly illegal, only he thinks that the cause of this matter is a "misunderstanding", and he jumps out of the strange circle of thinking to make peace talks possible.
3. Repeated defeats and battles, the more frustrated the braver. Luke Joshians negotiated peace, but the peace talks failed. After the failure of the peace talks, when the war was about to break out, Luke did not think about the war, but how to turn the war into a jade. When he discovered that Gango had become a fact, he made a final effort: to move the rescue troops. Time is tight and the task is heavy, but Luke has never been afraid, and in him, he is always just solving problems, not avoiding and retreating. Thanks to his efforts, he brought in the rescuers, and under the attack on both sides, the traitors of the Cheyenne tribe were discovered, and peace was put back on the agenda.
In the book "Lifelong Growth", it is mentioned that fixed thinkers believe that success is obtained by talent, ability is fixed and unchanging, in the face of challenging things, they lose interest, but it is a restriction on themselves; while growth thinkers think that ability can be obtained through their own efforts, they believe that failure is only temporary, effort can change everything, and people will win the day.
Through the story of Lucky Luke: The Twentieth Cavalry Regiment, we can see the drawbacks of fixed thinking, which makes things worse and worse, makes people rest on their own, and also sees that Luke's luck does not come out of thin air, but is obtained through hard work.
But in fact, in daily life, we are sometimes inadvertently instilling fixed thinking into children, but we don't really know it ourselves.
< h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > which behaviors cause children to fix their thinking? </h1>
1. Improper praise.
We often say that children are great, but we forget to tell children the reason why you are great, simply let children get a great "sense of accomplishment", but forget to give children a great "growth meaning".
For example, when your child finishes a puzzle, do you say you're smart or are you trying to get faster and faster?
"Hello smart" only tells the child that the excellent talent instinct, but "you puzzle the puzzle faster and faster" is telling the child that your growth is the most worthy of boasting. The former will only make the child not think of making progress, while the latter can make the child continue to move forward.
A researcher conducted an experiment in which they divided a class of children into two groups and asked them to solve the same problem, and the children answered very well, and then the researcher said to one of the children, "You are so smart when you answer 7 questions correctly." To the other group of children, he said, "You have answered a few questions correctly, and you have worked very hard." The researchers then gave the children two more tasks to choose from: one that was challenging and one that was easy to complete. As a result, most of the children in the group who were praised for their intelligence chose the easy ones to complete. More than 90 percent of the children in the group who were praised for their efforts chose challenging tasks. It can be seen that how to praise children is very important.
Praise gets people with fixed mindsets to turn down challenging new tasks. They don't want to do anything that might expose their shortcomings in order to avoid being questioned by others about their talents.
2. Improper criticism.
When children grow up, it is normal to make mistakes, but for wrong education, we cannot label them qualitatively. We are always accustomed to using the words "naughty, willful, rebellious" to describe the growth of children, but sometimes such words will inevitably label children inappropriately, so that children are trapped in labels and unable to progress. In Lucky Luke: The Twentieth Cavalry Regiment, Colonel Max Torg's critical approach to his son is worth learning. We can see from the scene when his son brought the food that the colonel did not label his son directly, but spoke with facts. He put it this way: "You're not wearing white gloves!! Corporal Max Tog, just because you have my last name doesn't mean you can wear no white gloves! You're going to be punished."
In life, how do you criticize educating children?
3. Improper difficulty response behavior.
Every step of the child's growth is a process of constant challenge, but in this process, the parents have too much human intervention, so that the child has caused difficulties in finding parents and does not want to work hard. It's not love, it's hurt. Similar scenarios that you do not often encounter:
"Mom, I won't do this, you help me"
"Okay"
Seemingly daily dialogue, seemingly a harmonious picture of motherly kindness and filial piety, but in fact, there are misunderstandings that need to be faced squarely: when children encounter difficulties, parents should not intervene immediately, and let children try more.
In the process of children's growth, as parents, we often intervene too much, resulting in many children relying on their parents everywhere, becoming low-energy children in life and becoming a giant baby group in society.
Time can not come again, please learn to let go at the right time, this is the only way for children to grow, some roads you have to let the children go by themselves, but also let the children understand that parents can not always accompany you, their own road you have to learn to walk by yourself.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > in life, what parents should do, in order to train children to think about problems with growth-oriented thinking. </h1>
Growth thinking is and fixed thinking is two symbiotic ways of thinking, everyone has these two ways of thinking, different situations to implement different modes of thinking, here, we do not require to erase the child's thinking stereotypes, this is unrealistic, but we can try to cultivate children to use the growth mindset to think about problems and solve difficulties encountered in life.
1. Discover your child's fixed mind.
Fixed thinking is very abstract, but we can always see the essence of things through the phenomena of life. Take playing games with children, children always like to play games they have played, and they have doubts about games that they have not tried, which is actually the child's fixed thinking at work. For children who dare not try, we can say something like this:
You haven't played such a game before, right, Mom hasn't played it, how about we try something new together, maybe we will find a different surprise?
Discover the child's fixed thinking, accept the child's thinking mode, and guide the child, let the child understand how to do such a thing next time, and let the growth thinking penetrate into the child's daily life.
2. Accept the child's fixed thinking, in order to let the child have a variety of uncertain possibilities.
When we greeted the arrival of the child, we may have promised that as soon as the child was born, I would love him unconditionally and accept everything from him, but from the moment he fell to the ground, all this changed. Crying in infancy, we think he is in an unreasonable scramble for favors, as naughty as a child, we think he is playing a cool wayward game; when he grows up rebellious, we think they are challenging the authority of their parents. In fact, in this process, we have never really accepted children. We are just deceived by the "role model child" in our hearts, always comparing our own children to the "children in our hearts".
Accept the child's growth stereotype, so that growth is no longer an anxious thing. In "Your N-year-old child" mentioned that growth is a certain law, and is a spiraling upward trend, parents do not need to focus on amplifying the child's "problem", grasp the child's pigtails, in the process of child growth, the situation is the norm of growth, the key is to maintain a peaceful heart to look at the problems of children, find a way to solve the problem.
If the next time the child encounters such a problem, say to himself: This is growth, and then start again for the problem.
3. Coat the growth with sugar.
There are many meanings behind the word growth, but a lot of growth is accompanied by a certain amount of pain. We may as well put a layer of sugar on top of this layer of pain, so that children can grow up in sweetness.
It is human nature to be afraid of difficulties and to be afraid of failure, but what if you put on a sweet coat of difficulties?
Once saw a mom say this when teaching a child who is afraid of water to swim: Mom knows you like small fish, but do you know? The small fish is also afraid of water, the world in the water is too big, it seems that it is too small, a careless will be eaten by the big fish, but she still chooses to swim, because in the water, she is free, so it tries to swim faster, so that it can protect itself in times of danger. After listening, the child became a little relaxed and began to try to play in the water. This story is the sugar coating that the mother puts on for the growth of the child, she makes the difficulty no longer a difficulty that only he has, and lets the efforts and freedom of the little fish become the child's example of overcoming difficulties, and this kind of education can make the child more impressed.
We can't expect luck in the growth process of children, but we can let children capture the ability to be lucky, just like lucky Luke, confident, brave, and not afraid of difficulties.