There are too many women in life who are just "strong" instead of "really strong".
In my opinion, "to be strong", as the name suggests, is "want to be strong", she is just a beginning on the way to "strong", as for the ending? Whether it can be "really strong" or not, there is still a long way to go.
A few days ago, I watched the movie "Ten Thousand Arrows Through the Heart" and was touched by the bumpy life of the heroine in it.
Judging from the whole plot, the heroine is really strong. This "strong" runs through her life before the age of 40, from the scene beginning of the movie, she bargains with the workers, the strength of the language; the strength of her husband; in the face of her husband's cheating and opening the house, she resolutely reported the case to the public security bureau, the means are strong; after her husband committed suicide on the bridge, she did not shed a tear, resolutely provoked the flat burden, and used her originally weak shoulder to take up the family's eating and drinking Lasa.
Seeing it makes people cry.
But I looked at the comment area, more than half of the people are scolding the heroine for "doing" and ruining their lives.
Seeing those comments, I fell into meditation: why does an independent and capable woman end up so tragically?
Many people say that strong women do not have a good life, but there is another sentence that I think is more suitable for evaluating this drama - "men are afraid of entering the wrong line, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong man."
At the end of the movie, her own son drives her out, and she can't figure it out: she picks up the burden to earn him food, dresses him, pays him tuition, and her son who has worked hard to raise will do this to her. She sat by the river and saw a group of children celebrating, that overflowing smiling face, at this moment she still did not think of herself, but thought of her son who seemed to have not laughed much from childhood to adulthood, she still felt that this was her fault, that she did not let her son live a happy life.
This time, she was no longer strong, she silently packed her bags and left the so-called "home", the "home" that she had given most of her life and had nothing.
But at this moment, perhaps her heart is truly quiet and peaceful.
At this moment, she had time to think for herself about the next road and live for herself.
In the last scene, and at her most helpless, only a man named Jian Jian comes to pick her up. Jian Jian drove a broken van that could be turned off at any time, and when she got into the car, she was habitually independent and carried the heavy luggage by herself, and Jian Jian said, "I come." She didn't hold on any longer, and naturally handed it over to the jianjian.
At the end of the movie, the van is turned off again, the heroine gets out of the car and pushes the cart, Jian Jian drives in front, and then the car restarts...
As the old saying goes, women are made of water, and water is a transparent liquid without edges and angles, and it is safe to meet. In the stinky ditch she was black and foul-smelling; in the clear blue sea she was blue, broad, and beautiful.
The director arranged the shot where the car turned off and pushed it at the end, I think it is probably to say that life needs two people to be in the same heart, two people are in the same heart, and all the obstacles have passed.
So many people in the comments said that the male protagonist was forced to commit suicide by the female protagonist.
There is no one in this world who presses anyone – only who is stronger, more responsible and responsible than anyone else.
Suicide is to liberate herself, to throw away all the lists that should have been borne by herself and throw them to the heroine who is braver than her. Did he ever think that the heroine had committed suicide like him, and who would feed his old wife and son?
It is true that the heroine has character defects, but she is a brave and responsible person.
For the irresponsible male protagonist in this drama, and the son who does not understand things, I don't want to comment too much.
Today we will only analyze why this independent and capable woman lives such a miserable life, and may give us some useful inspiration for women who are "strong".
1. Speak well.
Good communication is an essential element of healthy growth in life.
Observe that in life, those who are capable but do not speak well, and who cannot do but know how to respect others, which kind of person will live better?
Just like the heroine in the play, a heart is hot, and she is dedicated to this home, but others only see her behavior and harsh words.
Here I recommend a book "Nonviolent Communication"
Speaking well is an ability that we can slowly develop through learning.
The four elements of nonviolent communication: observation-feeling-need-request
First, pay attention to what happens.
(1) What are we observing at this moment? Like it or not, just say what people do, and the point is to clearly express the observations without judging and evaluating.
(2) Then, express feelings, such as hurt, fear, joy, happiness, anger, and so on.
(3) Then, say what needs to cause that feeling.
(4) What do you want you to do.
Start today: things have to be done hard, but please be gentle.
2. But expect others to be good to you
Criticism and accusations often imply too much anticipation.
Criticism of others actually indirectly expresses our unmet needs.
If a person says to you, "You're not good to me at all, then she's saying I want to be nicer to me." But often after you say this, the person listening to it will immediately say, Am I not good enough for you?
At this moment, we put our expectations and hopes on each other.
The less you expect, the less you get hurt.
3. Be nice to yourself and transfer some of your expectations of others to yourself.
Song Dandan said in the "Interview with Yang Lan": Today, I have a special sense of security, anyone who wants to leave me, can leave me, as long as you feel that I can't bring you happiness, you are not happy with me, you hurry to find your happiness. I'm both convinced that I can find someone who makes me feel happy with me and happy with her.
She said: Women have no way, a woman's life, in fact, there are only three words - relying on themselves, relying on no one is useful.
But relying on yourself doesn't mean you have to succeed in your own career — either you have a position in society or you have a position in your family, but surrender your weapons and you really lose.
Write to the end:
Let us be a woman who is neither harsh nor harsh nor bears the burden of humiliation.
No matter what life has lost us, let calmness, freedom and happiness dwell in our hearts.
I am Yuhai, a mother with a baby in her left hand and a writing in her right hand
We are strong in our hearts together, please pay attention to the public number XiaoYue Yueer