Another child tries to jump off a building and take his own life!
On April 11, a little girl in Anhui Province sat with her legs dangling on the outer wall of the roof of the community, emotional and incoherent, and wanted to jump off the building to save her life.
Downstairs are parked vehicles and open space, there is no buffer, the situation is very worrying.
Passers-by downstairs gathered in a group, staring at the girl all the time, and quickly called the police.
Fortunately, fire rescuers pulled the girl back into the house from the edge of the balcony.
After understanding, the girl suspected that she was isolated and ridiculed by her classmates, and she wanted to take her life for a while.
The policeman patted the girl on the shoulder and said, "Not only is it meaningless for you to do this, others will laugh at you....."
In a word, it completely touched the child's heartstrings, and he broke down and cried.
Because of factors such as height, stature, appearance, etc., children have been more or less ridiculed.
For adults, it's all a joke, it's not a big deal. But in the child's world, these words are a sharp knife, cutting through her self-esteem and self-confidence little by little.
As Professor Li Meijin said:
A child who is not respected from an early age, who does not feel happy, will not have a healthy sunshine mentality.
Once it is watched and ridiculed, what is originally a common thing will be infinitely magnified in the child's heart, and eventually become a shadow that is difficult to erase.
When a child is ridiculed, the attitude of the parents is important. Parents pay attention and guidance for the first time, and children will smile and look forward, more frustrated and courageous. On the contrary, they will cry and retreat, and become more and more inferior.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42">1.</h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42" > the world of ridiculed children</h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42" > parents' affirmations, like a lifesaver</h1>
Children who grew up in ridicule, as well as Xu Zheng Taohong's daughter: Xu Xiaobao.
Some time ago, in the movie "My Hometown and Me", Xu Xiaobao made his screen debut.
Xiao Bao, dressed in a yellow dress, obediently stood in front of his father and listened carefully to the play.
Sit next to your mother, rest low-key; walk by the field, and play with Wang Junkai.
When the movie was finished, Xu Zheng sent flowers to his daughter, wished her a happy qingqing, and led Xu Xiaobao and her idol Wang Junkai to take a group photo.
Goose yellow skirts, dark skin, and small eyes were inconspicuous in a group of people, but the little girl was well-behaved and low-key filming.
But I didn't expect that it was because of ordinary, this 12-year-old girl, ushered in thousands of abusive comments on the Internet. Calling her ordinary, calling her long ugly, all kinds of humiliation........
"The level that has nothing to do with the child's mother."
"Xu Zheng was born by himself, and his eyes and nose are not a little like Tao Hong."
"Who is the successor to the 'Ugliest Star II Generation'?"
In fact, Xu Xiaobao was ridiculed for his ugly appearance, and it was not the first time.
When she was a child, once a classmate in the same class scolded her to her face for being "really ugly." Unable to bear the humiliation, she was sad to tell her mother about it when she got home.
Mother Tao Hong immediately asked her: "Then do you think you look ugly?" ”
The daughter said, "I'm not ugly. ”
"Then are you pretty?"
"Beautiful.
Then Tao Hong said to her daughter: "I tell you honestly, you are not ugly, but you are not beautiful, but I can tell you a particularly great thing, that is, you look unique, no one can copy you." ”
Xu Xiaobao listened to this sentence, surprised but very happy, "I am unique" deeply rooted in her heart, accompanied by her growth.
The philosopher James once said:
The most ardent requirement of human nature is the desire to be affirmed.
The affirmation of parents is the warmest background color of children.
The response of parents hides the trust in the child and can bring the child full of positive energy.
When parents are willing to listen and tell their children, "You are excellent," these words are like brilliant fireworks that bloom in the child's heart.
Therefore, when the child is ridiculed, only the parents entrust him and encourage him, which is the child's greatest confidence.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42">2.</h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="43" > the world of ridiculed children</h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="44" > parents' silence and is the cruelest "killer"</h1>
Some time ago, actor Ma Sichun was on the hot search because of his fat body.
Many people left messages saying "how Ma Sichun became so fat", and later everyone learned that Ma Sichun suffered from depression and took hormone-containing drugs for a long time, resulting in obesity.
Ma Sichun's depression has something to do with being ridiculed by her classmates in middle school. Ma Sichun's figure was relatively rounded in middle school, and his classmates laughed at all kinds:
Gym class runner laughed at her, "Grow so fat and run so fast";
Her letters were always snatched away and read aloud by them.
Drinks will be filled with a variety of dirty water, such as rag water, chalk ash, mop water and so on.
Ma Sichun told her parents all this, but she did not expect her parents to say: "Don't pay attention to him, you have to try to prove yourself, you have to live better than him." ”
The parents' words were not wrong, but they ignored the depression and pain of the child when he was ridiculed and oppressed.
Long-term ridicule and oppression made Ma Sichun once very inferior, even if he became an actor and won the Golden Horse Award, he could not be confident. In the face of those doubts about acting skills and figures, Ma Sichun was very depressed for a long time.
Tao Xingzhi said: Don't take the emotions of children lightly.
When ridiculed, parents do not reach out and encourage their children, and the children will enter the island and slowly fall into despair.
The silence of parents is the most cruel harm to children.
Wang Xinran, a 14-year-old girl in Changchun, will also be a girl who is ridiculed for her appearance and body type. Because of her dark skin color, she was constantly teased and bullied when she entered the campus.
"You are really black", "How do you black and not slip autumn hahaha" Books were also thrown to the ground by classmates.
After a long period of oppression and ridicule, Wang Xinran became more and more inferior, "I am so dark, what should I do?" Is it my fault? It's really hard to be bullied. ”
On the phone with her parents, she cried and told them about these things.
But her mother did not guide her or help her solve the problem, and only listened to the girl day after day about these things and troubles.
One day, when Wang Xinran and her classmates jumped rope on the playground, the classmates laughed at her again, and a group of classmates laughed together, and the long-accumulated depression and grievances completely burst out.
This time it was ridiculed as the last straw that crushed the camel.
Wang Xinran became more and more depressed, and one day after school, Wang Xinran resolutely jumped from the fourth floor of the teaching building, and she wanted to relieve herself.
However, after jumping down, the god of death did not greet her, after rescue, out of the danger of life, the body has multiple fractures, after identification, the body has two eighth-degree disabilities and two tenth-degree disabilities.
Obviously, she was the victim, but it was she who finally jumped off the building, and it was she who was disabled, how tragic.
In the end, the parents were very distressed and sued the school. Parents' responsibility and sadness, we can all feel the parents' belated remorse.
But obviously full of love for children, how can he become an executioner himself?
In fact, it is written in the judgment that the child is suffering, but the parents are indifferent, and the cold attitude is worse, which is the catalyst for "killing" the child.
There is a saying: parents, always the harbor of children, the strongest backing.
It is not terrible to be ridiculed by others, what is terrible is that when the child looks back, the harbor is not there, and the backing is not there.
Parents should not be silent when their children are being bullied.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42">3.</h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42" > when a child is ridiculed</h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="42" > parents must "shoot"</h1>
As the saying goes: a place where there is no response is a hopeless situation.
The last straw that crushed the camel was the attitude of the parents. So, when a child is ridiculed, parents must do three things:
Empathize with the child and give the child comfort
In the movie "The Gift of Gifts", Benjamin Carson is an unintelligent child with poor reading grades.
Classroom tests are often nine out of ten. He was often ridiculed, "You are the stupidest kid in the world."
Much more ridiculed, Benjamin thought he was a stupid kid. One day, his mother asked him, "Why did I get so much worse than before?" and Benjamin blurted out, "Mom, I'm stupid." ”
The mother immediately retorted that "you are not stupid", quickly squatted down, looked at the child and told him: "You are a smart child, but you have not made good use of your intelligence." ”
Every child needs to see and empathize.
There is a sentence in the book "Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence":
Why does empathy have great power? It is because empathy allows children to see their parents as their allies, not as bystanders.
Parents, the most important lifebuoy in the vortex of ridicule, pull a hand, and the child goes ashore.
Bring your child to know themselves, increase self-confidence, and promote progress
Socrates once said:
Whether a person has achievements or not depends on whether he has two conditions: self-esteem and self-confidence.
Ash, a father in Australia, because he imitated his daughter Alex to do gymnastics, stupid and cute and funny, let many netizens watch.
It turned out that her daughter Alex originally liked gymnastics and practiced carefully and diligently, but after a while, because some of the movements could not be done, some teammates laughed at her when they finished.
Because of being ridiculed, Alex is not confident and wants to give up practicing gymnastics. After the father Ash learned about it, he directly wore a body suit the next day and appeared in his daughter's training hall to accompany her to practice.
In the company of his father, Alex became more and more optimistic and cheerful, practiced seriously, surpassed his classmates, and became in better and better shape, and got a lot of good results in the competition.
If a child can feel the love of their parents in a difficult situation, then these children will not go to a desperate situation, because they have a strong support force behind them.
The love of her parents pushes her towards a better future.
Teach children to fight back and not to accept ridicule
Actor Zhang Ting and Lin Ruiyang's daughter Lin Jialing can draw, swim, climb, dance... versatile.
Even if it is very good, but some time ago, because of the appearance ushered in a bunch of insults.
Zhang Ting watched it and took his daughter to fight back the next day.
She posted a video of her response. Lin Jialing, an 11-year-old daughter, shouted into the camera: "Don't comment on my looks anymore, I don't eat by my face." ”
Zhang Ting, the mother who was sitting next to her, asked, "Then what do you rely on?" ”
The daughter replied, "By the mouth, do you still need to ask?" ”
Confident and confident, contemptuous and polite.
George Bernard Shaw once said:
He who has faith can turn smallness into greatness and mediocrity into magic.
Whether it is the fat, thin, short, poor, or stupid, the only thing that determines the child's life is his inner strength.
There is a question on Zhihu "Why are you so confident?" ”
One Q&A was: "Because my parents say they will always support me." ”
Many education books advocate: the education of love. I deeply believe that the love of parents is the courage and confidence of children.
So, parents, listen attentively, encourage with love, no matter when or what, open their hearts and embrace their children.
May we all be the warmest parents in our children's hearts.
I am Qinglan Jun, an educator who focuses on family education and children's learning. If you like my article please forward or bookmark. The Qinglan Parent Zone, where millions of parents of primary and secondary school students gather, makes education more scientific and easier.