I couldn't stand it – every time I tutored my homework, I was half angry........
The Internet said that there are mothers who help their children write homework, and they are so angry that they are hospitalized for heart attack... When is the time to take the life to accompany your child to write his homework - it is very responsible to tell you, at least until he goes to junior high school!
I believe that you have similar feelings: when you do not have to tutor family homework, motherly kindness and filial piety, harmony and warmth, once the tutoring homework will be chicken flying dog jump, water and fire are intolerable. Many mothers bluntly said that they were "mad".
<h1>How did such a "conflict" arise? </h1>
Without such an experience, it is really not a complete parent
On the recommendation of a colleague, on the weekend, a worried mother brought an expressionless child to our studio to show her intentions, and I explained the rules and procedures of parent-child counseling. Parent-child counseling or family counseling is mostly related to study and tutoring.
I took a copy of the fourth grade Chinese test questions for the child and asked my mother to tutor on the spot.
M: Get your pen out and do it, what are you waiting for? Didn't you hear what the teacher said? (The child took the pen out and began to do the problem, did five small questions, looked around with his eyes, looked at the mother, looked at the teacher, and turned the pen to play)
M: What the hell are you doing? Don't write quickly, always grind and rub like this, when will it be done? (The child's eyes are fixed on the problem, he keeps turning the pen to play, and he does not continue to write down the next question for several minutes)
M: In a daze again? None of this will? Looking at the title requirements, didn't you just do this kind of topic a few days ago? I don't remember anything, I don't know what you do! (Children cut their nails and doodle on the test paper)
Are you familiar with this scene?
M: Scribble again, do you really concentrate on doing the problem, ten minutes, only to do a few questions? What a wooden brain! (The child puts down the pen, stares at the question, keeps clasping his fingers, one will poke the eraser with the pen, and the other will poke the corner of the test paper)
M: What the hell are you doing? The questions I have done will not be, always procrastinating--------- (children bow their heads and doodle on the test paper)
M: Do you really do it or not? (Child throws pen foreshadowing)
The test questions could not continue to be done, and the mother was very angry, and she was still counting the children's various behaviors that made her emotionally out of control. The child did not say a word, and looked aggrieved and innocent.
I motioned for my mother to stop and bring the child to the children's counseling room, looking at the funny dolls and various toys in the consultation room, and the expression on my face relaxed.
Accompanied by light music, patiently listening and guiding, the child angrily accused: "My mother is simply a mother night fork!" Loud yelling, chattering, endless, unreasonable, fierce, vicious, big bullying ------- "This is the mother in the eyes of a fourth-grade boy."
Will the child listen?
Similar emotions and behaviors occur in parents during homework tutoring, or are they relatively common, so how do these emotions come about? Psychologist Baker believes that emotions and behaviors arise from human cognition, cognition is the mediator of emotions and behaviors, and emotional and behavioral problems are related to past experiences. Many parents associate their children with their current self-belief that they are not successful enough, believing that children do not seriously do homework is a self-destructive future, stubborn performance, not corrected in time is the parents' dereliction of duty, to infer as a person who has come over, if you do not seriously do homework, the results are poor, you can not be admitted to a good junior high school, high school, college, the future is bleak, it is a failed life, it is both the failure of parents and the failure of children. This perception of parents leads to the generation of many bad emotions and behaviors.
<h1>How to change the image of "mother night fork" and "tyrant" in the eyes of the children when the family is auxiliary? </h1>
Professor of psychology Bao Fengyuan said in the book "All Children's Problems Are Parents' Fault" that all children's problem behaviors are caused by the wrong parenting methods of adults. When a child is born, it is like a blank piece of paper, all the colors and contents are added the day after tomorrow, whether it is light or dark has a direct influence on the people who raise and educate around them.
<h1>Try it in a few ways</h1>
First, give your children full respect
"Children are yours and not yours", respect their autonomy and independence, children are independent individuals, not affiliated with anyone, can not impose personal will on them, allow children to express freely, allow them to make mistakes;
Respect the child's developmental differences, correctly view the child's strengths and weaknesses, do not force comparisons with others, and let the child do things according to their own rhythm. For example, some children do homework after school and then play with confidence, while some children play first to relax themselves and then concentrate on doing homework; some children do all the homework in one breath and then do other things, while some children do a part first, relax and digest the relevant knowledge points of memory, and then continue to do, slow work out of the details, fully understand and internalize into skills.
Each child's learning methods and ways of thinking are not necessarily exactly the same, respecting their differences.
Smiling makes the mood happy
Second, guide children to learn time management
Make a learning plan with your child, what time to do, what time to play, how long you can watch TV or what other children want to do, agree with your child, do not make overlord clauses, allow children to make suggestions, after the agreement and plan are formulated, gently and firmly remind children to comply, and guide children to learn to manage their time by themselves.
Third, create a learning atmosphere and set an example of good learning
Teaching by example is more important than words, and in family education, parents' words and deeds will be subtle. What kind of person do you want your child to become, parents must first become what kind of person, in the family parents to create a positive, diligent and studious atmosphere, with the child to actively explore the truth of the problem, democratic discussion, friendly debate process to convince the child, establish prestige, become the child's example.
Fourth, active learning and children grow together
Educating children is a technical job that requires continuous learning. Positive discipline theory tells us that parents should learn to think differently, learn to see problems from the child's point of view, and put themselves in the shoes of the child's feelings and acceptance;
Positive psychology tells us that parents should be good at tapping the shining points of their children, fully mobilizing their children's enthusiasm, and improving their learning effects. In short, managing to educate children is a skill that needs to be continuously improved, and parents need to take the initiative to learn to grow with their children.
Fifth, pay attention to acceptance, love and patience
Love is the premise of education, actively pay attention to the child's progress, encourage affirmation in time, and express love;
Accept the child's shortcomings, patiently listen to the child's feelings and needs, meet the child's legitimate needs in a timely manner, and enhance the child's sense of pleasure, so that the child can continue to move forward to the good side.
Good atmosphere produces good quality
Maybe you have a more suitable and better insight, may wish to share the exchange.