I once saw a story. A young man was stabbed to death by criminals for seeing righteous courage. His mother washed her face with tears all day, her heart full of grievances and hatred, and she was bent on avenging her son.
The mother said that since ancient times, there has been a truth that "killing people pays for their lives, and blood debts are repaid in blood.". As soon as she thought about it, she thought of making the criminal die.
The criminal who killed the young man, living in a single-parent family, was raised by his grandmother who picked up garbage. The old man knelt down to the mother countless times, hoping that the other party would keep her grandson alive.
At first, the mother didn't even look at the old man. She said that when she looked at the old man and helped her, she would make her feel sympathetic in her heart, and she felt sorry for her dead son.
But one day, the kind mother chose to forgive the other party and forgive the criminal. Neighbors said she was too kind, and even the judge who knew the case said she was a great mother.
Many people do not understand the mother's approach, saying that killing people to pay for their lives is a matter of course, and the bad people should be punished, otherwise they will endanger society and aid and abett the abuse. But some people gave a thumbs up, saying that the mother let go of her hatred and at the same time let go of herself.
Not everyone in life can make such a decision.
In the book Why Don't You Apologize, Harriet Lerner says, "To forgive someone is to forget the unpleasantness of the past, to find inner peace, to free yourself and let go." ”
It can be seen that the mother wanted to unload the psychological burden of anger and hatred, and wanted to keep herself moving forward.
The Buddhists say that the essence of forgiveness is to let go. Letting go is a form of self-preservation that helps us to be liberated from negative emotions.
The author believes that there are two kinds of forgiveness behaviors, one is forgiveness that can make the pain feel away, and the other is spiritual forgiveness.
The first type of forgiveness expresses hurt to the past and no longer has an effect on oneself. Even if anger is occasionally felt, the frequency of this emotion has gradually decreased.
Beverly Engel, who was neglected in childhood, suffered physically and mentally and sexually abused. As a teenager, her heart twisted, she began to drink heavily and indulge herself.
Later, through the counseling of a psychotherapist, she used the power of self-forgiveness to forgive others for their abusive behavior.
In her quest for treatment, she regains joy and opens her heart. Let the pain gradually move away from yourself, and eventually become a psychologist, a famous family and marriage therapist.
It is often said that don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes. To forgive others is to let yourself go, so that you can become a better person.
The second type of forgiveness is an expression of love and compassion. It is to release kindness to the other party from the bottom of your heart, use love to tolerate the wrongdoer, and wish the wrongdoer happiness and happiness.
The mother in the example above, after her son's death, wrote letters to her son every day, and she wrote her thoughts into page after page of letters. In the three years after her son was gone, the mother was in an endless state of pain.
She went from anger to depression, feeling that she could only feel that her son was still there if she stayed in the past, because she could not face the present.
However, the kind mother, one day realized that the wrongdoer also had a pain in his heart, and finally made the unexpected decision to forgive the murderer, and silently wished him a new life in the future.
Not everyone can achieve this level of tolerance and forgiveness. This kind of mind truly embodies the spiritual power of a great mother.
In Why Don't You Apologize, the author argues that forgiveness also means respect. We cannot ask, command, or force others to forgive ourselves, but we cannot forgive others without reason.
Only those who make mistakes who can listen openly and reflect carefully on themselves deserve to be forgiven.
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