In the relationship, why are two people who love each other at the beginning very indifferent to each other?
The norm in marriage is to refuse to communicate with each other and disappoint each other. Two people under the same roof, but without any emotional communication or response.
In fact, the breakdown of feelings is that each other no longer responds to each other's emotions, or one person still has expectations, but the other person completely refuses to communicate.
However, the severance of this emotional connection is not a matter of moments, it is the result of a combination of many causes. There are two common causes.
First, the mode of getting along between two people cannot last long in itself.
When you first start a relationship, the degree of love is not equal, one person pays more, one person pays less. The person who pays less feels loved, she has a good love experience, so she enters into marriage with her partner; and the person who pays more slowly forms a habit, thinking that it is normal to pay in the relationship itself, and in the sweet period of feelings, he will not realize the problem of this mode of getting along, immersed in the feeling of sweet feelings.
But in the relationship, the party who pays more has not felt loved, he cannot feel the emotional support from the partner, and the partner is also accustomed to this mode of getting along, is not aware of his own problems, and feels that it is normal to be loved. And the feelings will slowly reach the run-in period, two people quarrel, contradictions, the harm of this mode of getting along will appear at this time: the party who pays more will feel very tired, will gradually cut off the emotional connection, and want to divorce or break up.
This kind of emotional breakdown is very common. We need to re-provide emotional value to our partners, repair our feelings, and learn to get along with our partners.
Second, feelings enter a negative cycle.
When two people have a conflict, our solution often comes from our own family of origin. We learn how to deal with the contradictions in intimate relationships from the original family, but many people's original families have not done a good job of demonstration.
So there is a contradiction, each other can not solve, this contradiction has always existed, and the negative emotions stimulated by the contradiction will always accumulate. We first have negative perceptions of our partners, thus losing patience, having negative behaviors, turning off communication, arguing with each other, blaming, complaining. After negative behavior, it will strengthen the negative perception that everything is the fault of the other party, and it will strengthen its own behavior. After entering this negative cycle of "cognition-behavior", you will gradually accumulate disappointment in feelings, be indifferent to your partner, and your feelings will slowly break down.
In the final analysis, the breakdown of feelings is a problem of two people, each other do not know how to manage feelings, do not understand the strategy, will not know the method, do not know how to deal with it, resulting in two can not go on.
But in fact, the problem of feelings needs to be answered from feelings, and if we can realize the problem and change it, we can also get happiness. And the happiness of feelings will bring us the confidence and strength to operate life.