Maternal love is by its very nature unconditional.
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The mother loves the newborn, not because the child fulfills any special wishes of hers, which conforms to her imagination, but because it is the child she gives birth to. (The maternal or paternal love I refer to here refers to the "ideal model," the ideal typical in the archetypal sense that Max Weber mentioned or Jung's archetypal, not to the fact that every mother and every father loves their children in this way.) I'm referring more to the kind of essence that manifests itself in mothers and fathers. )
Unconditional maternal love is not only a child, but also the deepest desire of each of us. From another point of view, the love that is exchanged for hard work often makes people suspicious.
People think: Maybe I'm not bringing joy to the person who should love me, maybe it's going to be a bonus—in short, people are afraid that this love will disappear. In addition, the love that is earned through hard work often makes people feel bitterly that I am loved because I make the other person happy, not out of my own will—in the final analysis, I am not loved, but needed. Given this situation, it is not surprising that all of us, children and adults alike, have a firmly reserved thirst for maternal love. Most children are fortunate enough to receive maternal love (we'll talk later about the extent to which they get it.) )
This desire in adults is more difficult to achieve. This craving is always an ingredient in sexuality during satisfactory development; but it also often appears in religious forms, or more often in neurotic forms.
Mother is our homeland, nature, earth and sea.
Fathers, on the other hand, do not embody any kind of natural origin. In the first few years the child has little contact with the father, and at this stage the role of the father is almost incomparable with that of the mother. Although the father does not represent the natural world, he represents the other extreme of human existence: the world of ideas, the world of law, order, and discipline that man creates. Fathers are the ones who educate their children and point them out the way to the world.
Closely related to the role of the father is another role related to socio-economic development. With the emergence of private property and the succession of property by a son, the father became particularly interested in the person who would inherit his property in the future. The father always chose the son he thought was the most suitable heir, that is, the son who was most similar to him and therefore the most pleasing to him. Fathers are conditional love. Father's principle is: "I love you because you meet my requirements, because you perform your duties, because you are like me." ”
Like unconditional maternal love, conditioned fathers have both positive and negative sides. The negative side is that father's love must be won by hard work, and in the case of failing to live up to the father's expectations, the father's love will be lost. The essence of Father's love is that obedience is the greatest morality, disobedience is the greatest sin, and those who disobey will be punished by the loss of Father's love. The positive side of fatherhood is equally important. Because Father's love is conditional, I can earn it through my own efforts. Unlike maternal love, fatherly love can be governed by my control and effort.
The parents' attitude towards their children is in line with the requirements of the children.
Babies need the unconditional love and care of their mothers, both physically and psychologically.
Around the age of six, children need the authority and guidance of their fathers.
The mother's role is to give the child a sense of security in life, and the father's task is to guide the child to face up to the difficulties he will encounter in the future.
A good mother will not stop her child from growing up and will not encourage her child to ask for help. The mother should believe in life, should not panic and spread this emotion of hers to the child. She should want the child to be independent and eventually detached from herself.
Fatherly love should be governed by certain principles and demands, should be tolerant and patient, and should not be aggressive and arbitrary. Fatherly love should enable the child to develop greater and greater self-confidence in his own strength and ability, and finally to make the child his own master, so that he can be freed from the authority of the father.
A mature person can eventually reach the height of being both his own mother and his own father. He developed the conscience of a mother and the conscience of a father. The mother's conscience said to him, "No sin of yours, no sin will cause you to lose my love and my blessings for your life, your happiness." But the father's conscience said, "If you do something wrong, you have to bear the consequences; the main thing is that you must change yourself so that you can get my love." ”
The mature man detaches himself from the external images of the mother and the father, but establishes these two images in his heart.
Contrary to Freud's theory of the "superego," man does not establish these two images by merging the father and the mother, but on his own capacity to love, and the father's conscience on his own reason and judgment. Mature people live with both the conscience of their mother and the conscience of their father, although the two seem contradictory. If a man develops only the conscience of the father, he will become harsh and inhuman; if he has only the conscience of his mother, then he is in danger of losing his self-judgment and hindering the development of himself and others.
Man develops from a close relationship with his mother to a close relationship with his father, and finally to synthesis, which is the basis for the health of man's soul and the attainment of maturity; if man does not develop in this way, he will lead to neuropathy, and it is impossible for me to explain this point of view in detail here, but to mention it briefly and briefly.
For example, one cause of neuropathy may be that a boy has a very loving but pampered mother, and at the same time has a father who is cowardly or unincented in children.
In this case, the little boy will firmly grasp the connection with his mother and develop into a person who is very dependent on his mother. Such people are often isolated and need protection, and it is impossible to acquire some of the characteristics of the father: discipline, independence and the ability to control life. He would try to find the image of the "mother" in all men, sometimes in women, sometimes in men with authority.
Conversely, if the mother is cold, insensitive, or very authoritarian, the child will transfer the need for maternal love to the father, and will become a single person who develops in the direction of the father. Such people tend to be subordinated only to the principles of law, order, and authority, but have no ability to hope or receive unconditional love. If his father is authoritative and closely related to him, this development will be further enhanced.
Other surveys have also concluded that some forms of neuropathy, such as obsessive-compulsive neuropathy, are associated with a single paternal link, while others, such as hysteria, alcoholism, inability to face real life and world-weariness, are the result of a single link with the mother.