I broke up with my boyfriend who had just been talking for half a year, and looking back on the feelings of the past six months, I have never touched the feeling of deep love. But during this time, I still had some suffering, and I didn't know whether to go back to him or let go.
Narrator: Linlin (pseudonym)
Age: 24 years old
Occupation: Clerk
(i)
Illustration
Just after seeing Yue Chen's first glance, my impression of him was not particularly good. He looked average, but he wore a very mismatched gold ring on his hand, which I thought was a bit vulgar, but then he took it off.
We got along pretty well for the first two months, and once on the phone, I said I didn't have a good voice and he immediately bought me medicine.
We chatted on WeChat and I asked him to sing and he sang to me every day. Even though he sang some songs that I thought were more vulgar, I tried to listen to them online and experience them.
I went to work and had something unpleasant to do, told him, and he would enlighten me in time. Sometimes I can't go to work, I haven't come home after work, and the phone will come right away. I was a bit willful, and once I had a conversation with him, and it was a little unpleasant.
I ignored him, turned around and rode in the electric car and went home. It was almost eight o'clock, and it was a little dark. When I get home. He called me. He chased all the way from behind to my doorstep.
(ii)
These initial touches allow our feelings to move forward smoothly. But as the relationship deepened, I gradually discovered something about him that I didn't like. For example, he often talks in two versions, asks him what he does, he says one version, and then it becomes another. Later I exposed him and he said he wouldn't lie to you in the future.
Once he gave me a beauty experience card, I asked him how much it cost, he said more than 40 yuan, but it clearly said 30 yuan. I never used that card because I didn't feel his heart. Later, when I saw him, I said, "This card is for your sister." He said his sister had received three copies.
During that time together, he also gave me some small gifts: a very ordinary jade bracelet, and the packaging box was also old. Later I heard him say that the bracelet was paid by someone else, there were four, two for his mother, one for his sister, and the remaining one for me.
A box of chocolates, an iron box also polished with some paint; a bear toy, not big, but this one he said was bought specifically for me. I don't really value the nobility of gifts, but I don't feel his true affection for me, which makes me feel very uncomfortable.
Once, when I was in a bad mood and didn't control my mouth, I blamed him on the phone, saying that the gifts he gave me were second-hand goods. He told me before that even if I wanted the stars in the sky, he would pick them for me. I also said this sentence and asked him to pick stars for me.
(iii)
I knew I shouldn't say that, it hurt his self-esteem. I called the next day to explain to him. It turned out that his voice was not right, like he had cried, and he ignored me for the next three days.
One afternoon three days later, he called me and said, "I didn't pick the stars you wanted, and I got you a sky full of stars, which I bought in exchange for my life, and showed them to you at night." I asked him, "Can't I see it another day?" He said he was afraid that something was broken, so he hurriedly hung up the phone.
When I called him that night, he was sleeping and said he would show me another day. The next night he didn't call me, so I called him.
He said that he promised me that he had done it, but I couldn't look at it in vain, and he knew that I didn't have much money, but he had to let me exchange it for my most precious things. At that time, I told him that my parents had taught me from an early age that girls should know how to love themselves, and I would not exchange my most precious things for them, even if you really picked the stars.
I felt he had a motive to take advantage of me, and I certainly wouldn't say yes. Although I am a modern girl, I have a feudal head, and even if I love that person, I will not choose premarital sex. The family education I received since I was a child is like this, and there is no way to break through.
On the morning of the third day, he called me and said he was going to meet in the evening. In the evening, I invited him to dinner and brought with me a picture of my favorite. I asked him where the stars were.
He took out a laser launcher, some children played with it, turned their heads, and there were a lot of stars. He said that he and his classmates had brought it from out of town by car, and it was all mountain roads, and if they didn't get it right, they would fall down. Maybe in the eyes of other girls, he is very romantic and very good at things, but I saw his slippery side.
(iv)
But after this time we were reconciled. Just then, I saw new problems. Once, we ate together and bought half a duck.
The duck was just served, he asked without asking me, broke off the duck leg and ate it alone, not letting me at all. I'm embarrassed to say it either, but I'm very disappointed. In my home, it has always been delicious things that everyone humbles each other.
I later gave him a hint that I remembered a guy who used to like me. Unexpectedly, he got angry, ignored me for two or three days, and said that he also remembered that his ex-girlfriend was very good to him. Before we had a misunderstanding or contradiction, he would ignore me for three or two days.
After this incident, we did not deliberately hang each other, but we rarely chatted or called. If I was a little unhappy on the phone, he said that he was very busy, very hard, and wanted to find someone to share, and said that he was so tired in order to make the people around him live well in the future, and said that he knew that I was not happy, so let me be considerate.
Sometimes he comes to me and I'm not happy because usually he cares too little about me. I talked to him once, and he said, I'm sorry, I'll love me well in the future, but it will still be the same later.
On the twentieth of May, early in the morning, I messaged him and said, "Do you have anything you want to say to me today?" He replied: Love you, and just want to hug you. I felt like he was perfunctory and didn't take this day and me to heart at all.
(5)
A few days later, he came to me and said very dismissively that his brother had bought more than two hundred dollars of roses for his girlfriend that day, and he thought that it was better to buy flowers than to buy them and eat them.
This made me feel that he was very unsympathetic, and then I began to slowly become cold to him from the heart. Occasionally I would tell him on the phone that I was unwell, and he didn't show concern or even hang up without saying a few words.
Once he drank too much and called me to take a taxi to pick him up, and when I didn't go, he was upset again. That day, he said he wanted to start a business, the family did not give him money, said he could not give me a house, a car, break up. I didn't take it as a surprise and agreed without thinking about it.
Within an hour, his mother called me and said she supported us in continuing our conversation. Then he called and said he wanted to reconcile with me, but I didn't say yes. After two days, I returned what he had given me.
The next night, my stomach suddenly hurt, and I wrote a talk in the QQ space, my stomach hurt. He immediately replied, saying he couldn't sleep at night and just stared at his phone. Then he ran over and took me to the hospital, and it was already past three o'clock in the morning. When he arrived, I saw his eyes turn red with tears. Later he said he actually loved me, but I didn't understand.
(6)
I've been hesitant about this relationship and don't know if it's time to go on. He's not handsome, but he does have a lot of virtues that boys his age don't have.
For example, he was particularly kind to his family. Every month he was paid to buy something for his parents and father, and he was very good to his buddies, and he would go to his relatives' houses for anything. His aunt was hospitalized with no one at home, and he went to the hospital to guard it.
I am a comfortable and enjoyable type, and I am usually lazy. But he never slept in the morning, sometimes getting up at three o'clock in the morning to go to deliver the goods, deliver the goods and then go to work. He said he wanted to succeed and make a career.
I asked him what his pursuit was. He said that when there is no money, he thinks about making money, and when he has money, he wants to make the people around him live better, create a better living environment, and protect the relatives around him.
At the beginning, I mentioned to him the house, he said that he could satisfy me with the material things I wanted, and said that everything I struggled for was given to me as a gift, and there was one thing that no one else could get, that is, his heart, and said that the only place was left for me.
He also said that he was tired and wanted someone to share, someone to share, someone who could drink bitter coffee with him. I know he's tired, but I can't get his care and affection, and I can't afford to share his hard work.
Although he is a year younger than me, he has been in love since junior high school and has talked about several times. I have no love experience, I think feelings are very priceless things, and they can't start casually, let alone end casually. We have not developed to the point of deep love, such as a detail, for a woman, men can not bring touch and romance, kissing will be very boring. So every time we kissed, I wanted to hide and I wanted to refuse.
(vii)
He always said he loved me, and he always said that he had me in his heart. It's just that the way he treats me makes me feel casual, see you when you want, and snub when you want to.
I couldn't get the signal that he loved me, and the cards I held in my hand couldn't come out, so I couldn't get to the point of deep love. He always asks me, do you love me? I'm also asking him, do you really love me? What makes me feel like I don't care? I don't know if my relationship is my reason or his reason.
I also thought about working hard for this relationship, and I also wanted him to share what I liked and understand my personality hobbies, but he put his time into working and earning money, and rarely spent time with me. I also once thought of touching him and influencing him with my own practical actions, but I was afraid that I would give him my true heart, but in the end I was cultivating my husband for others.
Now that I have been breaking up with him for a month, I still feel that I can't put it down in my heart, and I can't put down anything specifically, and I can't say it clearly. I think I may be a little worried, afraid that I won't find someone as hard as him in the future. I am not afraid of missing him, but I am afraid of missing someone who has so many advantages in him.
With him, there is no difficulty for him to go anywhere, and when he goes out to play, he can plan the time of arrival, play enough where to eat, how to go. He's a good student of history, he can tell history, and he has a lot of things that attract me, but there are also a lot of things that I don't like.
My family also said that he couldn't even think of me when he ate, that he couldn't think of me anything else, and that my dad said he didn't know how to love someone. Since breaking up with him, he has also said that if you can't be a lover, you should also be a good friend. When I first met me, he always said that the choice was in my hands, even if I couldn't succeed, I had to be a good friend, but I felt that it was a little difficult.
Love Navigation:
Love is a process of mutual giving, if you are afraid of finally being hurt, do not dare to come up with true feelings, then you will never be able to harvest true feelings. Love is also like planting a crop, you not only need to sow seeds, but also need to sprinkle sweat. Without cultivation, there is no harvest, and the same is true for love.
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This article is based on the protagonist's oral collation, original is not easy, please do not copy.
Text/Hebei Youth Daily reporter Pi Xueyan
Edited/Pi Xueyan
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