On December 10, the "pension home of five single sisters" rushed to Weibo "Hot Search". In the Oriental Satellite TV", 5 post-60s single girlfriends are accompanied by pensions, which makes some netizens envious to cry: "This is the retirement life I dream of!" Netizens envy the freedom and tacit understanding of these post-60s "sisters", and their more special identity- single state, in fact, highlights the more cutting-edge marriage and love propositions of the post-60s: not scrupulous and not dependent. Of course, a complete family life is still the mainstream, and the overall enthusiasm of the elderly for marriage and love is also rising. Insisting on being single, divorced, or remarried, for more post-60s generations, is not a compromise choice, but a self-assertion of happiness.
Story 5 single girlfriends huddled together for the elderly
Li Yan, 57; Ji Rong, 54; Song Danmei, 54; Hu Lin, 54; Cai Kui, 55.
These 5 post-60s are girlfriends for many years and live in Chengdu, Sichuan. Hu Lin is the initiator of 5 girlfriends to accompany the pension. More than 20 years ago, she met Ji Rong and Cai Kui through college classmates. The more the three of them played, the better they were and often lived together. Hu Lin introduced that once, three people faced the same problem - being urged to marry. But because of the different concept from their parents, the three people have not found a partner and have always been single. In their view, there is nothing wrong with living alone, "it is good to work hard to support yourself."
"In 2017, it's time for us to retire." Hu Lin said that at this time, they discussed the problem of pension, and immediately agreed, "find a place with good climate and scenery, and retire together." Since then, Li Yan and Song Danmei have joined the sisterhood. Unlike Hu Lin, they have always been single, Li Yan and Song Danmei have both had a marriage. After Li Yan and her ex-husband separated, she had thought about living with her daughter for a lifetime. But her daughter often works overtime after joining the work, and Li Yan is often at home alone, very lonely. She did not want to disturb her daughter's life when she was old, and she was worried that her daughter would not have time to accompany her in the future. At the same time, she also feels that it is difficult to guarantee happiness living alone, and she is reluctant to find a partner because of her disappointment in the previous relationship. At this time, she was very confused about the future. Until 2017, the invitation of old classmate Cai Kui to "organize a group pension" made Li Yan see hope. Song Danmei also has a daughter who has worked, but she never wanted to live with her daughter.
In 2017, Hu Lin began to look for a place to retire, and in November of that year, she came to Lijiang, Yunnan Province, to buy a courtyard. In the same year, Hu Lin signed up for the crew of "Dream Of Transforming Home" and renovated the house with the help of the crew in May this year. On December 9, 5 people moved into the remodeled house, full of confidence in the future. Someone on the Internet asked "what to do when you are old in the future", to which Hu Lin admitted: "I haven't had time to think about it yet, and it is important to live well in the present." In the future, when we are old and sick, we will help each other. On the day when you can't move at all, go to a nursing home with a group. ”
More people are reluctant to endure unhappy marriages
Single is one of the most obvious labels for Hu Lin and their five girlfriends. Of the five, two remained single after divorce. In the post-60s generation, divorce is not uncommon. According to data released by the Guangzhou Intermediate People's Court on December 8, among the marriage and family disputes concluded by the courts at the two levels in Guangzhou from 2017 to the first half of 2020, divorce disputes were 19,985. Among them, the age group of 50-60 years old accounted for 10.56%. There are signs that divorce disputes between middle-aged and elderly people are increasing year by year.
Recently, the reporter conducted a survey of 738 elderly netizens aged 50-60, and 71 singles, accounting for 9.6% of the total. Compared with the traditional elderly, the post-60s generation has new and higher requirements for the quality of marriage. Lou Jianzhong, director of the blind date workstation of the Xiaoying Street Federation of Trade Unions in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, has contacted a couple in their 50s who have recently received divorce certificates: the husband is a professor-level doctor, the wife is a university teacher, and behind the two people's glamorous and decent people is a life of more than ten years. The wife felt that her husband had devoted himself to medical research for many years and had placed the family in an indispensable position. The husband feels that the wife insists on the small love in life and cannot participate and cooperate. The two communicated about this, tried to compromise, and finally chose to break up.
In a single WeChat group, the reporter conducted an investigation into 420 single elderly netizens after 60. For the multiple-choice question of "reasons for divorce", they made the following choices: weak emotional foundation, accounting for 28%; life trivialities, accounting for 24%; personality differences, accounting for 20%; domestic violence, accounting for 12%; gambling, accounting for 8%; lack of communication, accounting for 7%; infidelity, accounting for 5%; family economic disputes, accounting for 2%; other, accounting for 5%. "The older generation is greatly influenced by the idea of male superiority and female inferiority, and the status of women is not high. With the development of the times, people's concepts have changed, and some people are unwilling to compromise anymore. Li Lingzi, a staff member of a community in Hangzhou, mediated a number of divorce cases of the elderly and made such a summary.
Cao Yufen, 55, of Deyang, Sichuan, is a typical example. She divorced her husband the year her daughter went to college. When she was young, she was introduced to her husband for less than a year and married at the urging of her family. After the birth of her daughter, her husband's attitude towards her became cold. Later, she was laid off and unemployed to support her husband, and was often insulted by the other party, and even punched and kicked. Because of her daughter's feelings, Cao Yufen has been suppressing the idea of divorce. After her daughter was admitted to college, she felt that the time had come to let go of herself, "it has been wasted so many years, I don't want to go down."
Trend Post-60s marriage enthusiasm continues to rise
In the past, the freedom of marriage was often hampered by age prejudices, and the elderly were worried about divorce. However, with the development of society and the renewal of the concept of life, the attitude of the "new old man" towards marriage and love has become more autonomous and positive. Hu Lin's "singleness" represents the choice of some post-60s generations. In fact, the idea of "finding a wife to continue living" still occupies the mainstream among single post-60s elderly friends.
After a survey of 420 single netizens aged 50-60, the reporter found that 62% of the respondents chose to "hope to find another object", 18% chose to "live with their families", 12% of them "would rather live alone", and only 8% of the respondents believed that "they can be accompanied by the elderly". "In the past, single elderly people, especially women, were always afraid of other people's jokes, or it was difficult to get out of their past feelings, and they did not dare to go out of the house to go on a blind date." Lu Meichan, a 70-year-old in Suzhou, Jiangsu Province, has been a public welfare red bride for 14 years, and she found that the number of elderly people who have gone out of their homes to go on blind dates in the past two years has increased year by year, and the overall enthusiasm of the elderly in marriage and love is rising. She analyzed that there are three main reasons: first, the degree of aging society is deepening, the parents of only children have entered the aging, they feel lonely, so they are eager to accompany the elderly; second, the social tolerance has improved, and the social concept and the concept of single elderly people themselves have changed; third, social advocacy and media publicity have become more and more, giving the elderly the courage to go on a blind date.
How to find the ideal object, in the minds of post-60s singles, there is also a set of standards. 260 post-60s single netizens gave answers to the mate selection criteria (multiple choices): "suitable personality", accounting for 55%; "high pension", accounting for 45%; "good health", accounting for 30%; "good work occupation", accounting for 28%; "good image, good temperament", accounting for 26%.
Experience changing yourself to save a marriage on the brink of collapse
The lifestyle of the post-60s generation is more diversified, some people are fleeing the "siege", and some people are guarding happiness. Compared with divorce and re-finding, more post-60s are willing to do their best to maintain their family happiness. Establishing common interests, sharing more family responsibilities, and being more tolerant of each other have become important ways for many post-60s to maintain family relations.
Eight years ago, He Rong, 58, of Xiantao, Hubei Province, almost "left at dusk" with his wife - that year his son was admitted to college, and his wife took out a divorce agreement to separate from him. At that time, He Rong had mixed feelings. On the one hand, he feels very faceless; on the other hand, he also realizes that there is something wrong with his past, "because of some family chores, my wife is very disappointed in me." In the face of his wife's request, He Rong did not immediately agree, but decided to slow down. In his opinion, he and his wife are not completely irreconcilable contradictions, and he wants to try to change himself to save his wife. To this end, He Rong, who is doing business, decided to "retire" himself early. His wife loved to go to the old university to learn to dance and practice chorus, so he signed up to be a dance partner and a singer. His wife loves to travel, and He Rong, who rarely went out before, took the initiative to invite his wife to travel and make a "photographer" for the other party. He Rong also began to take on more family responsibilities, taking the initiative to be responsible for manual labor such as washing dishes and purchasing, so that his wife could rest as much as possible. This effort finally won his wife's change of heart.
He Rong shared his happiness secret: "Mutual respect and mutual help and mutual understanding are the recipe for long-term marriage, no one is right or wrong in the family, and there is no need to distinguish who is high and who is low." ”
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