Recently, I read the book "Lin Wencai's Intimate Relationship Lesson", which has a high rating on WeChat reading.
The author said that most of the conflicts that arise in marriage are due to the failure of husband and wife to do these four words:
Look out for each other.
The content of the consideration for each other is explained as follows:
"One thing, one thing, or something else, is not what I want, but I know you want it, and if it's not too difficult for me, I'm willing to do what you want, without asking too many reasons."
Think about life, people who can do these 4 words have a good relationship between husband and wife.
01
In the book, the author mentions cases he has worked on.
One day, a man came to the author in a hurry, saying that his wife had sent him a lawyer's letter and filed for divorce. He didn't understand why, he had always been a good man, and asked the author to give them a consultation as a couple.
The author understands from the conversation with the husband and wife that the wife's behavior is caused by a cake.
The wife is very young, and there is a little girl in the neighbor's house, and every year on her birthday, her parents will give the girl a birthday party and buy a birthday cake.
The wife's parents did not have such ability at that time, so the wife secretly hoped that when she grew up, she would ask her husband to buy her birthday cake.
After getting married, my husband didn't buy it in the first year, and I didn't buy it in the second year.
But the husband was a nice man, and the wife told him why she needed the cake so much.
In the following years, my husband still didn't buy it.
I couldn't help it, and on her birthday, she reminded her husband that today was her birthday, so remember to buy a cake. The husband agreed.
When her husband was about to get off work, she sent another message, remember to buy a cake. As a result, when my husband came home, he still didn't buy it, saying that he had forgotten.
At that moment, she was heartbroken and desperate, and secretly made up her mind to divorce her son when he was 11 years old.
After learning the truth of the matter, under the mediation of the counselor, the husband promised to buy a cake for his wife next time, and the two reconciled temporarily.
When the husband left the consultation room, he was puzzled, saying:
The wife should see that she is a very responsible man, so why bother with a cake? Could it be that a cake can represent your love for her?
The author told him: "You don't have to understand, you just need to know that this is what she wants, and you buy your marriage and keep it." ”
Many times, we can't understand the behavior of our other half, think that such behavior is unreasonable, wrong, and ignore the needs of the other person.
In fact, the difference in the growth environment makes each of us may have an obsession with one thing, and it is difficult for others to empathize.
But it doesn't matter.
The important thing is that you are willing to do what the other person needs when it is not difficult to get things done.
02
Around my life, I often see this phenomenon.
A colleague lives with her mother-in-law, and every time she leaves home to work, she rarely remembers to say hello to her mother-in-law.
But the husband cares and thinks that she is disrespectful to her mother-in-law if she does not greet her.
In her opinion, her mother-in-law knows what time she goes to work every day, so why bother?
When she knew that her husband cared, she said to her mother-in-law every time she went out, "Mom, I'm going to work", although it was a simple sentence, but it greatly improved her relationship with her husband.
In the past, they quarreled over trivial matters, and there was often a cold war. Later, there was another quarrel, and her husband began to be willing to let her and accommodate her.
In a marriage, when one partner's needs are met, they are more willing to meet the needs of the other half.
What people are most afraid of is always thinking about problems from their own point of view, thinking that what they think is correct, and what is inconsistent with their own views is wrong and needs to be corrected.
But personal values come from the family of origin and are formed in the process of growing up over the years.
As the other half, fully accepting each other and satisfying them as much as possible will make the relationship between husband and wife better and better.
Of course, couples want to care for each other if they understand each other's likes and dislikes and needs.
This requires both parties to communicate more, communicate more, and be willing to express their ideas and needs to each other.
Only on the basis of understanding can we satisfy each other, even if it is a little bit of small things, which seem inconspicuous, trustworthy and warm, and it is on these little things that we have accumulated.