In the past few days, I have met many parents who are confused about family education, to be precise, they are troubled by tricky and rebellious children, and they don't know where to start.
Tricky children have their own moths, but they generally cover these aspects, they don't want to go to school, they can't complete their homework independently, they love face and glass hearts, and they come and go when they call their parents.
Children have a lot of complaints and dissatisfaction with their parents, feel that their parents do not understand them, and often speak ill of their parents and make all kinds of tricks.
Listening to the parents' rebellious and ignorant stories about their children, I am also very sad and distressed, and I feel that the parents really give their hearts to the children, but the children do not appreciate it.
Some parents give up their good jobs in order to manage their children, but they turn out to be the opposite, and the more their children manage, the more deviant they become.
Some parents are completely arranged for their children, worrying about everything and taking care of everything well, but making their children more and more willful and incompetent;
Some parents are heartbroken for their children, but they don't get their children's understanding at all.
Parents always hold "I am good for the child", and regardless of whether the child wants to or not, they will not give it in their own way, once the child does not accept it or the child does not change according to the parents' expectations, it will not be able to stand it.
or accusations or insults or accusations, these hysteria not only did not make the child change in the slightest, but made the child more confrontational.
When the parent-child relationship goes badly, both parents and children are responsible, with parents being directly responsible and children being indirectly responsible.
Similarly, children's revolt and poor self-motivation are also directly related to their parents' home education.
What parents plant in their children's education methods will bear fruit, and it also stems from the fact that parents often do 3 things wrong:
First things first: scolding and reprimanding the way of education
Emotionally unstable parents are a disaster for their children.
When parents tell me about the conflict with their children, I can especially understand why parents beat and scold their children, because they really hate iron and steel, they really want to be good for their children, and they are really afraid that their children will grow crooked.
That's why I beat the child with tears, and I can't bear the pain to be cruel to the child.
However, I would still like to say that hitting parents with children is just a sign of fear and incompetence. I think that once I hit the child, the child will have a long memory, or the child is just to vent the resentment in my heart.
My baby was beaten and scolded by me until he was 12 years old, very rebellious and confrontational, I was very painful to beat the child, the child hated me very much, I was also desperate and helpless, but it didn't work at all, it just made the child more rotten.
Later, when I studied psychology and insisted on reading, writing and sports for several years, my emotions became more and more stable, and I never beat or scolded my children again, and my children had a good relationship with me, and their academic performance improved.
Scolding will only make children hate their parents more, while scolding will only make suppressed children less and less confident.
The second thing: no matter how big or small, I want to worry about everything, and I have to control everything
Behind many wayward children, there is a parent who loves to worry and take care of everything.
Moreover, parents also have a strong desire to control their children, for fear that if they don't care, their children will take detours.
But the fact is that parents use super control to control their children, and let their children take more and more detours.
Parents who want to worry about everything and control everything are themselves projections of their own fears and insecurities because of their own obsessions or the trauma of their original family or the incompleteness of their personality.
Throwing all the problems of the child on the child is not angry and bad, which is the evasion of parents' own responsibilities.
All children with problems have a parent with a problem first.
Isn't it ironic and funny that parents have to care too much about their children, meddle in every little thing, and let their children be independent?
The third thing: parents are either strong, completely doting, or demanding
Among the parents I accompanyed, there were quite a few extreme parents.
Either completely doting, or particularly aggressive, or having very high demands on children.
It's impenetrable, I want to intervene in everything, and I say, "I don't care about anything."
Projecting pressure and high demands is subconscious, and parents feel that they are not giving their children parents at all, but parents are not aware of it.
There is also doting without a bottom line, the child can do whatever he wants, and he can't withstand the child's threats and hard bubbles, so he easily compromises, and thinks that the most important thing is to make the child happy.
Under the extreme education of parents with ice and fire, children not only have high requirements for themselves, but also can't endure hardships, and are particularly willful and ungrateful and unthankful.
Children who are both demanding and incompetent and manic are both pitiful and pathetic. What leads to all this is the extreme family education model of parents, who only care about grades, only put forward requirements, only be picky but forget to give positive feedback to their children, and forget that "it is better to teach children to fish than to teach children to fish".
I have seen too many children with problems and parents who are anxious and helpless, and I only hope that parents can pay attention to the importance of family education as soon as possible.
In the embryonic stage of the child's problem, if he can prevent the problem before it happens, he can solve all the problems with one-third of his energy, and when the child's problem is serious, it may not be possible to solve it with three times the time and energy.
This is also my most heartfelt advice to parents as a family education teacher, parents do not wake up, and only children pay and suffer.