Do you feel this way?
There are many difficulties in raising children, and there are only a handful of things that can be as good as they want.
When the child was born, he planned a "magnificent future" for him, but he was quickly defeated.
When he was learning to speak, he hurriedly arranged 300 Tang poems, as if the famous school was beckoning in front of him.
After going to school, I found that I was often on the verge of collapse when I tutored my homework.
I think countless parents have come over like this, obviously giving everything, but the result is always the opposite.
Whenever I feel exhausted in educating children, I always think of Mr. Lu Xun.
Putting aside his aura and just looking at his identity as a father, I was deeply touched by his 4 views on parenting.
If you are also going through the dilemma of parenting, you may wish to refer to it, which may give you some inspiration.
Pampered without losing proportion, the child will not be decadent
United States Doctor of Philosophy, Dobertson, wrote in his book "On Housekeeping" that children who respect others and have a sense of responsibility are born in a family with an appropriate combination of love and discipline.
Contemporary parents are extremely fond of their children, but if they do not combine love and discipline, they can easily become doting.
My cousin's son, Komatsu, is one such example.
Komatsu has loved toys since he was a child. Ultraman, go-karts, model airplanes, and more.
In my cousin's opinion, if my son likes it, he should buy it for him, and he can afford it.
It's just that after every play, Komatsu throws it away, making it all over the house.
I wondered, why don't you ask your child to tidy up afterwards?
My cousin said that the child was still young and couldn't do these things, so it would be nice if he could play happily, and she would help him clean up.
And so it went on year after year, and it wasn't until Komatsu went to elementary school that she realized something was wrong.
For example, when you come home from school, your shoes are left unattended, your coat is thrown on the floor, and your socks are thrown on the sofa.
What's even more annoying is that there is a mess in the schoolbag, and you can't find a notebook or a pen when writing homework.
Later, I realized that I just blindly gave love to my child, but never restrained him, which caused the current uncontrollable situation.
Mr. Lu Xun had a similar experience in the process of raising his son.
However, in addition to pampering, he will also set rules for his children at the same time.
Lu Xun's son, Zhou Haiying, is lively and active, especially likes to disassemble objects, everything that can be dismantled at home, basically dismantled all over.
On a whim, I wanted to dismantle my mother's sewing machine.
Lu Xun generously asked him to dismantle it, but there was one condition after the demolition: it must be restored.
Agreeing to dismantle is to satisfy the child's curiosity, reflecting Lu Xun's love and tolerance for his son.
After the demolition, it was required to be restored, which not only cultivated his son's sense of responsibility, but also mastered the "degree" of pampering, which did not evolve into doting.
It is often said that spoiling children is like putting them in a gilded cage, which is beautiful on the outside, but painful on the inside.
Really loving children is not blindly indulgent, but lenient and strict, and proper discipline.
Only by mastering the scale of pampering and discipline can children eventually grow into people with good habits and a sense of responsibility.
Although he hopes that his son will become a dragon, he also accepts that children are ordinary people
Since ancient times, Chinese parents have hoped that their sons will become dragons and their daughters will become phoenixes.
As a parent, it is understandable to want your child to have a bright future.
But unrealistic blind expectations not only fail to help children, but also backfire.
The most typical is that today's parents have high expectations for their children's grades.
It seems that everything is inferior, only reading is high.
Even in the 21st century, this deep-rooted old concept has not changed in the slightest.
Last year, there was a high school student in Sichuan, who was approaching the college entrance examination, and his total score was only more than 200 points.
His father was very anxious and advised him to study hard, but he couldn't learn it.
When the two had an argument, his father tried to beat him with a stick, so he pressed him to the ground.
In fact, aside from grades, this child has a good character, never causes trouble, and helps with housework at home.
But in the eyes of his father, he only has a score of more than 200 points, and he doesn't see any other advantages, which will of course arouse the child's dissatisfaction.
If you don't study well, it doesn't mean that there is no way out.
As long as he is kind, hardworking, and law-abiding, he is a good boy, and his future will never be bad.
What I admire most about Mr. Lu Xun is this.
He can not only work hard to educate his children, but also accept his son's ordinariness.
He once taught his children to learn like most parents, but Zhou Haiying couldn't memorize a short article.
In the last stage of his life, Lu Xun said that if his son is not talented, he can find a simple job to support himself, and he must not be an empty thinker, writer, etc., and sell his reputation.
In his heart, his son never needs to be "the person his parents expect", but should be the person he "wants to be", even if it is just an ordinary person.
It was his concept that deeply influenced his son.
In the end, Zhou Haiying found her interest and lived a calm and complete life.
As the saying goes: not all sheep can become leaders.
In the same way, not all children can be the best.
If the child is not talented, you might as well accept this fact and still grow up with love.
Give him enough time and space, and one day, he will shine in the field he is good at.
If you take your child out on a trip, it's better to accompany him to talk "nonsense"
Nowadays it is popular to raise children to be "rich", and many parents do the same.
Tourism, for example, is one of the ways to "enrich yourself".
Educators believe that tourism can not only allow children to experience different scenery, but also increase children's knowledge.
Many parents are convinced of this and pay a lot of money to take their children on trips.
However, this is only the opinion of adults, and children may not think this way.
My colleague Xiao Zhang told about taking her daughter on a trip during the summer vacation.
They went to Nalati and visited the grasslands, snow-capped mountains, and the dragon pools of the Tianshan Mountains. In the eyes of adults, these are simply fairyland on earth.
However, the daughter has no interest, and the only thing she likes is the marshmallow in the scenic area.
After the trip, Xiao Zhang asked his daughter if the flowers on the grassland were beautiful?
As a result, the daughter said that it was not pretty, but the marshmallow was pretty.
Xiao Zhang wants to cry without tears, since that's the case, why don't you just buy her one downstairs?
Children's world is different from adults, and we can't ask them to feel the same way as we do.
It is better to give the child what is expensive than to give him the right one.
To spend a lot of money on a trip, it is better to accompany him to the park to dig the soil, or simply chat.
Lu Xun's treatment of his son was also "generous" in that era.
For example, he often takes his son to the most expensive photo studio to take pictures;
Whenever there is a movie suitable for children, he will take his son to watch it all at once;
He also often takes his son to high-end restaurants for dinner.
However, Zhou Haiying later recalled his father, and what impressed him the most was not how much superior life Lu Xun gave him, but that he was lying in bed and chatting with his father every night.
From astronomy to geography, Lu Xun patiently answered his son's questions until the night was all over.
These warm moments have accompanied Zhou Haiying throughout his life. Many years later, even if he is pale and pale, he will still feel happy every time he thinks of his father's gentle company.
Loving children does not have to cost much, interacting with children in daily life and entering their hearts may be what they really want.
Allow yourself to collapse and not be the "perfect parent"
Winnicott, a United Kingdom psychologist, said: You don't need to be a perfect mother with 100 points, just be a qualified mother with 60 points.
Allow yourself to collapse and give yourself breathing space in order to be in a better state with your child.
Netizen Xiaoling shared that when it comes to holidays, she "dislikes" her son.
It's only been a few days since this summer vacation, and I can't wait to kick my son away. The reason is because his son is "too much of a mother".
For example, a freshly cleaned house is filled with toys in a short time; The sofa that was sorted out was messed up again in less than two days.
Xiaoling was so angry that she said that she had raised a "Erha" who had demolished the family.
In order to hide for a few days, she simply sent her son to her grandmother's house in the countryside and let him undergo "labor reform" to consume the energy that had nowhere to put it.
But not long after her son went to the countryside, Xiaoling reflected on it.
She felt that she shouldn't be so irritable with her son, she was finally on vacation, so she should get along well, how could she send the child away without saying a word?
Many parents are like this, when their children are naughty, they can't help but want a lesson, but they regret it afterwards.
In fact, it is normal to be impatient with children occasionally, we are just parents of children, and it is normal for people to have emotions.
Zhou Haiying's naughtiness once made Lu Xun crazy.
In order to get rid of Hai Ying, he counts down the opening day of school every day.
He also wrote a letter to a friend complaining, saying that his son was his "enemy".
I wish Hai Ying was 20 years old, ran away with his lover, and never went home.
Every time I think about it, I laugh and cry.
It turns out that parents all over the world are the same, and they have times when they are powerless.
It's just that Lu Xun won't blame himself, on the contrary, in his opinion, when raising a child is not going well, there is no problem at all to complain appropriately.
As he said, "You should love your neighbor more than yourself." ”
Parents are also human beings, so it is important to find an outlet for your emotions and not to worry about everything with yourself.
Know that children don't stop loving us just because we have occasional tempers.
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Mr. Lu Xun's four parenting concepts, 100 years later, still have important value and are worth learning from contemporary people.
Love children, but don't indulge blindly.
Although we hope that our son will become a dragon, we must also start from the actual ability of the child.
You can't educate a good child with money alone, so you have to think about it from the child's point of view.
Parents are also ordinary people, and they don't have to be perfect in everything.
May we practice earnestly and raise happy children.
Author | Poetry · Xiao Chen