In the book "Warring States Policy", it is said: "The love of parents and their children is far-reaching. ”
Parents always want to give their children the best of everything in the world.
But sometimes it backfires, and with good intentions, bad things are done.
If you want your children to become successful, the best way is to let go and hone yourself.
If everything is thought out in advance for the child, everything will be done properly.
It will only cause the child to depend on his parents, and he will achieve nothing in the future.
As the saying goes: "When all good things are done, there will be disaster", no matter how kind parents are, don't do all these three good things to their children.
Sponsor your children, but don't nurture luxury
As the old saying goes, "You need to have rules to achieve great things." ”
When parents are sponsoring their children, they need to be careful not to nurture extravagance.
Many parents will stop at nothing to get their children a better education.
Such as buying a school district house, sending children to various interest classes, etc.
When the children grow up, they prepare a wedding house for them, save money for starting a business, and even prepare a bride price.
However, in the process of growing up, children may become lazy and greedy for pleasure because of the easy access to these material wealth, do not know the hardships of making money, lack the motivation to struggle, and take their parents' giving for granted.
The sparseness and neglect of the Western Han Dynasty, they retired to their hometown with dozens of catties of gold as officials, and Shuguang did not leave all the gold to his children.
Instead, he used some of the money to buy land and houses, and distributed the rest to the poor.
When Shu Guang's children expressed concern when they saw that the gold was getting scarce, Shu Guang said that if there was a lot of gold in the family, the children and grandchildren would be lazy and have no future.
"Zengguang Xianwen" also mentioned that "it is better to be used by the new when you are rich, and it is difficult to change the old family style when you are poor"
Parents can sponsor their children into adulthood and out of school to help them complete their basic education. ，
But don't overdo it and avoid leaving a large inheritance for your children to enjoy.
It is necessary to let children experience some setbacks in the process of growing up, understand that it is not easy to make money, and cultivate their spirit of independent struggle and correct values.
If they are overfunded, their children may develop an over-dependence on material things.
They will think that they can easily get everything they want without having to work hard, and thus lose the motivation to struggle.
They will see material possessions as the only measure of success and happiness, while ignoring inner qualities and spiritual pursuits.
In addition, overfunding can lead to family conflicts.
If a parent oversupports one child and has reservations about others, it can cause jealousy and resentment among siblings.
Moreover, when parents are unable to continue to provide financial support, children may feel disappointed and angry, and even have conflicts with their parents.
To avoid these problems, parents should set clear boundaries when sponsoring their children.
A reasonable financial support plan can be formulated according to the family's financial situation and the actual needs of the children.
At the same time, it is necessary to educate children to know how to cherish and be grateful, and cultivate their ability to live independently and manage money.
Encourage your children to earn their own living expenses by working part-time or starting a business, so that they can experience the difficulty of making money.
While giving material support, we should also pay attention to the cultivation of children's spiritual level and guide them to establish correct values and outlook on life.
Guide your children, but don't control your life
Many parents start to organize their children's lives from a young age, forcing their children to participate in various interest classes.
They hope that their children will grow up to be the dancers, teachers, and scholars they want to be......
Once the child does not obey the arrangement, the parents may resort to extreme methods, such as violent outbursts, moral kidnapping, etc.
However, times are changing, and children have their own personalities and ideas, and it is not possible for them all to live according to their parents' wishes.
Over-arrangement is like flying a kite, no matter how high the kite flies, once the line of traction is lost, it will fall off.
Seen such a story.
Haoyang has excelled in learning since he was a child, and his parents have always had great expectations for him.
But it is precisely because of this that Haoyang has lived under the supervision of his parents since he was a child, and there is no childhood and no happiness at all.
Haoyang likes to read history books and watch the Romance of the Three Kingdoms since he was a child, and dreams of becoming an archaeologist when he grows up.
Haoyang did not disappoint his family during the college entrance examination and scored 643.
When Haoyang decided to apply for the archaeology major, he was once again dissuaded by his parents and chose the computer science department chosen by his parents.
Haoyang was notified by the school to quit school in his freshman year, because he missed too many subjects and often did not go to class.
The parents couldn't believe that this was true, and they learned that Haoyang had been in the Internet café since he went to school.
Through communication with Haoyang, my parents learned that Haoyang has always disliked the subject of English, and computer majors need to write English code.
So he was very resistant and used games to relieve his depression, which seriously affected his studies until he dropped out.
Parents should respect their children's choices and decisions, and should not be good teachers and interfere excessively.
Parents can give advice to their children when choosing a career, deciding to travel far away, or looking for a partner, but don't force them to do what they want.
Encourage your children to pursue their own interests and dreams.
Let children explore and grow in a free space, and develop independent thinking and problem-solving skills.
In the process of children's growth, the guidance of parents is crucial, but it must not affect the children's life.
Appropriate guidance from parents can point the way for their children.
When their children encounter academic difficulties, parents can share their own learning experiences and encourage them to actively explore learning methods that are suitable for them.
When faced with career choices, parents can introduce the characteristics and requirements of different careers to help their children understand their interests and strengths so that they can make more informed decisions.
Parents can teach their children the skills and principles of dealing with others, so that their children can learn to respect and understand others.
However, when parents interfere too much and try to influence their children's lives, there are many negative consequences.
Parents should respect their children's choices and decisions.
Children are independent individuals with their own thoughts, emotions and dreams.
Parents can give advice and opinions, but the final decision-making power should be given to the children.
When children make different choices, parents need to learn to understand and support them, believing that they are capable of taking responsibility for their own lives.
Only in this way can children bravely explore, try, and find their own life path on the road of growth.
You can help with the baby, but don't treat your grandchildren as children
After their children start a family, many parents will help take care of the baby, which is originally a good thing, so that their children can have more time to work and earn money.
However, some parents are excessively involved in the affairs of their children's families in the process of raising their children, and regard themselves as the head of the family.
Not only bear the expenses of the grandchildren's tuition, training expenses, food, drink and entertainment, but also interfere too much in the direction of the grandchildren's life, and even cover the daily expenses of the children's family.
On the one hand, this may lead to dependence on children.
On the other hand, when parents ask their children to pay alimony or distribute the contributions among families with multiple children after emptying their families, it is easy to cause family conflicts and dissatisfaction.
When some elderly people bring up their babies, they completely follow their own ideas about the education methods and living habits of their grandchildren, and do not consider the opinions of their children, resulting in disagreements and contradictions between their children and their parents.
Or in terms of financial expenditure, paying too much for one child causes jealousy and dissatisfaction among other children, and the family relationship becomes tense and complicated.
Netizen @Linda once cried and complained about her distress.
Her mother-in-law likes to control her husband on weekdays, and now she doesn't even have the right to discipline her son.
When Linda sees that her child is always coquettish because she can't get what she likes, she wants to stop it every time she wants to be in person.
At this time, he would be stopped by his mother-in-law and always said: "The child is still too young, you may not be more sensible than him when you are young." ”
Linda is very helpless, it is her mother-in-law who takes the child on weekdays, and she is not easy to say anything, for fear that the old man will be unhappy.
In fact, parents should make it clear that their role is to assist, not lead.
It is necessary to help without overstepping, maintain good communication with children, and discuss parenting policies together.
You should also have a sense of boundaries financially, don't over-bear the costs of your grandchildren, and avoid making your children feel that everything is taken for granted.
At the same time, it is necessary to respect the way children educate and manage the family, and not to focus on their own will.
There is a difference between intergenerational parents and fathers and sons, and parents should grasp the degree.
Let the children take their due responsibility in their own small family, and promote the harmony and stability of family relations.
Parents helping to take care of the baby is a continuation of love, but grandchildren cannot be raised as children.
On the one hand, treating grandchildren as children is easy to make children dependent.
When parents take on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren excessively, children may feel that they can completely rely on their parents for raising a baby, thus relaxing their responsibilities and obligations to their children.
Children may no longer be actively involved in their children's education and upbringing, leaving everything about their children to their parents.
This is not only detrimental to the growth and maturity of the children themselves, but also affects the development of the parent-child relationship.
We should respect the dominant position of children in children's education, maintain good communication and cooperation with children, and jointly create a healthy and harmonious environment for children's growth.
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It is natural for parents to love their children, but this love needs to be limited.
As the saying goes: "The depth of love is the responsibility of responsibility." ”
Don't do these three things.
In this way, children can go further and more steadily on the road of life in the future.
Author | Poetry · breeze