When my daughter was just full moon, my husband and I made a bet on a whim:
Bet on whether the child will call dad or mom first.
Since then, his father and I have been teaching our children to call their parents tirelessly.
One morning in the seventh month of July, I was changing my daughter's diaper when she suddenly pouted and called "Daddy" unskillfully.
The father of the child lying on the bedside playing with his mobile phone was stunned for a while before he reacted. Excitedly picking up our daughter and taking it around, we looked at each other with smiles in our eyes.
Later, that scene was forever etched in my mind.
Many people say that after becoming a mother, their memory is getting worse and worse, and they forget what they are doing in the last second and forget it in the next second.
That's because we give the capacity of our memories to our children.
Perhaps we often fail to remember the trivialities of life. But many firsts about children are left in memory and engraved into eternity.
The first time the child opened his eyes, the first time he smiled, the first time he turned over, and every time he brought me infinite surprises.
Every surprise is the footsteps of the child's growth, when he grows up and drifts away from me, and I am dying......
Every parent wants to leave their children a better memory and a better self in memory, but in fact, in the child's heart, what can we remember?
Is it my advice, or is it Dad's reasoning? Is it our gentleness or harsh discipline? Is it a push for him to study, or a laugh when he plays with him?
"Time Magazine" mentioned: In fact, we accompany our children for a lifetime, and there are only 5 moments that he can remember.
1
When you make him feel safe
Your child will remember your soothing presence after chasing away 'monsters' at the bedside, or embracing their peace of mind after a nightmare. But equally, remember when your temper became like a monster and made them worry and fear.
In a child's world, there are always many things that make them feel afraid, such as the devil hidden in the dark in the fantasy, the poisonous snake under the bed, and the tiger in the cupboard; For example, strange people, unfamiliar environments...... These fears come from a sense of insecurity about the outside world.
So, when they show fear, don't blame or be impatient, if the child is afraid of thunder, don't simply throw a sentence, "Thunder is nothing to be afraid of, cowards are afraid!" But the more this happens, the more frightened the child becomes. Of course, you can't be as scared as your child, hugging each other and crying or hiding in the crack of the door......
At this time, you should keep your mind calm and let your child know that there is no need to be afraid of anything when there are parents here. Or to experience his feelings, tell him that his parents were also afraid of thunder like you when they were young, and they will not be afraid when they grow up. If you are still a top student, why not give him a science about how lightning is formed and how the lightning rod on the roof of the building protects our safety......
In fact, what children need most is the feeling of being loved. A hug after a nightmare, a word of comfort when crying, all help them build a sense of security, so that they can go out and face the greatest security in the world.
So remember to tell your child that no matter what happens, "I'm here"!
2
When you give him all the attention
This is what we often call high-quality companionship. Every parent thinks they love their child enough, work hard, work overtime, and play games with him when they are tired...... But in the child's mind, maybe that's not the case.
It is not uncommon to see some parents and children together, the children are playing while the adults are playing with their phones or chatting with other people, so that the children repeat a question over and over again without responding.
The child is very smart, whether you are attentive and focused when accompanying, he knows at a glance, and if we always accompany the child in a casual state, he will only feel your perfunctory and coping, not love and attention, how can you remember?
The best gift you can give to someone is your time, because giving time is equivalent to giving you a part of your life that you can never get back.
In fact, the child only hopes that the time his parents spend with him can really belong to him, you only have him in your eyes, and he only has you in his eyes, and enjoy this beautiful moment of "body and mind together" with each other.
Take a break from your own business, take a break and share a good book or a game with your child...... Feel your child's heart with your heart!
3
When you get along with your significant other
Children will remember many details of their parents' relationship, whether it is intimacy and sweetness or arguments and quarrels.
Half of the child comes from the father and half from the mother, so the greatest desire in his heart is a sense of belonging connected with his parents. Now close your eyes and think about whether you have a scene in your mind when your parents got along, whether this scene is a fierce quarrel or a loving anniversary, it is deeply imprinted in your mind and has a subtle impact on you.
Psychologists say that if both spouses keep talking about the shortcomings of their other half, then the child is more likely to develop these shortcomings. Because when you deny the other half, you are actually denying the other half inside the child, and he needs to connect with his parents in his heart, but the information about his parents is all negative, and of course he can only connect with these information.
Conversely, when we praise or respect the good in the other person, the child will also connect to the good information. No matter how the relationship between the family is, it can't be stopped, don't think that the relationship between yourself and your partner is not about the child!
4
Your affirmation and criticism
Do you often say like this, consciously or unconsciously:
"My child is too naughty, or your daughter."
"Niu Niu is simply stupid, he learns everything slower than his classmates."
……
You think it's all about talking? In fact, these evaluations of children will be buried deep in the hearts of children like seeds, just like what is said in "Time", "Children's hearts are like cement, and early impressions will solidify for a lifetime, and in adulthood, even if they spend several times their energy, they may not be able to correct it." ”
When children are young, most of their self-perception comes from their parents, and the establishment of self-confidence and self-esteem is also closely related to the way parents evaluate them.
Therefore, parents' affirmative praise or harsh criticism of their children will often be deeply remembered by the child and will have an important impact on his later life.
Many parents react violently when their children do something wrong, abusing their children with harsh language, leaving him with eternal psychological trauma.
Children who always live in the criticism and negation of their parents are prone to have an inferiority complex, be timid and cowardly, cower in doing things, or have a rebellious mentality, and deliberately work against their parents.
Parents should pay attention to the way they criticize their children, do not label their children negatively, and focus on guiding their children to recognize mistakes and solve problems.
When criticizing your child, you should let your child know that Mom and Dad accept you unconditionally, and what we don't accept is only your behavior.
Grasping this principle is the only way to make criticism effective without hurting the child.
5
Your family traditions
Children love surprises, but they also remember predictable and predictable family activities.
Regarding family traditions, Gates Cultivates Here, says, "I believe that family traditions can create a coherent atmosphere for children, give them a sense of belonging in life, and help them maintain their true nature in a world full of unknowns and uncertainties."
In fact, family traditions are not necessarily grand festivals, but they also require a certain sense of ritual.
What is a sense of ritual? As the fox in "The Little Prince" says, "It is about making a certain day different from other days, making a certain moment different from other moments." ”
It can be a regular annual trip with the kids, a gift for a birthday, a well-prepared dinner party for a holiday, or just a "good night" every day before bed.
Those ordinary and trivial actions, when I think about them many years later, are all beautiful memories that we and our children's generation will never erase.
So don't underestimate the impact of family traditions on your child, at least, it will become one of his good childhood memories and will also make him grow up with a lot of memories.
The time we can spend with our children is very short, and their lives are very long.
Life is a long marathon, and the starting point is important, as is how long you can run. If we are destined to run with our children for one ride, then I hope that we can leave them with more and better memories.
May these memories inspire them to forge ahead in their later lives, fearless of wind and rain.
There are no parents who are born to succeed, and there are no parents who don't need to learn. On the road of parenting, you and I learn together.