Mango TV's variety show "My Girl" is back, and I liked this variety show very much before, so this season is naturally chasing it seriously.
Of the four guests, I like to watch the clips of Liu Yan and Yu Wenwen the most, and the other two groups of guests are not bad, or maybe they are my delusions, which always make me feel less sincere.
And what impressed me about Liu Yan and Yu Wenwen? It is they who are very daring to show the dark parts of their lives. Just as every dark cloud is studded with gold edges, I always believe that behind every halo there is also a shadow floating, and it is very easy for a female star to show her aura and create an enviable atmosphere.
The difficult thing is that those shadows that fall into our own destiny one by one, we face it, touch it, and finally allow it to live in our lives, like a little rusty faucet in a house, a little flawed, but it does not affect the overall rhythm.
The darkness shown by Liu Yan and Yu Wenwen is actually a kind of thing—loneliness.
Liu Yan is 44 years old and lives alone. Her solitary life is very real, and it makes me feel very comfortable.
Although many people on the Internet watched a little patchwork of clips attacking Liu Yan's mother in various ways, I watched it frame by frame, and I really felt that Liu Yan's mother was okay, and the most angry sentence "Liu Yan can only marry an old man" was not what Liu Yan's mother originally wanted to express.
The context of this sentence is that the host Wu Xin asked the mothers if they could accept their daughter's love at a young age, and Liu Yan's mother said that her daughter is now in her 40s, and if she has to find someone older than herself, she can only marry an old man, so she is happy to accept her daughter talking about a younger age. Even she thinks that it doesn't matter if her daughter gets married or not, because for her, Liu Yan feels that happiness is the most important thing.
Of course, Liu Yan's mother also has the disadvantages of the old-fashioned parental education method, that is, she will still find face in her daughter, and then feel that her daughter can do anything, but once she faces outsiders, she is very afraid that others will say that her daughter is not good, I think it is ha, behind this psychology, in fact, it is not confident in herself, and the mother of another female guest, Want Wang, also has a similar psychology (she said that my daughter is not as good as your daughter), so they instead made a If there is no deep understanding between mother and daughter, It's easy to hurt your daughter's actions - first deny your daughter verbally.
The subtext is, I've put my own posture so low, are you embarrassed to say anything?
I think people should never fall into the paranoid mentality of "the original family is poisonous, and the parents are evil". Many mothers may indeed love their daughters in the wrong way, but if we can pass through the fog of misunderstanding and hurting each other, we will definitely find that behind some of the mother's behaviors, the hidden psychological logic is that she hopes that her daughter will be loved by more people. When we realize this and believe in it, our family of origin relationship will not be very strained.
If you watch the full version of the video, you should also be able to find that the relationship between Liu Yan and her mother is not tense, and they can even joke and complain to each other at will. Because Liu Yan has already passed through the fog of the original family, she can reply to everyone in Xiaohongshu, my mother is afraid that others will scold me, so she complains about me first, so that others will be embarrassed to think that Liu Yan is not good.
So you really don't have to worry about Liu Yan's original family relationship. We always have to go through a lot of things to understand that selfishness is a survival instinct, and mom is the relatively least selfish of all identities.
What Liu Yan is really fighting against is what I said earlier - loneliness. She said that she is no longer suitable for blind dates, because at this age, it is often easy to see through a person, and then become unhappy. So when you are not busy and quiet down, you will feel a double loneliness in life and psychology.
Liu Yan's way to solve this loneliness is to cook, raise flowers, and exercise, which seems to be a lot of ways, but in fact, it is to fill his heart and body.
Yu Wenwen is 10 years younger than Liu Yan, but the problem Yu Wenwen faces is also loneliness. The difference is that Yu Wenwen has lived in a family full of solitary atmosphere since she was a child, and her mother and her have lived separately for so many years, so Yu Wenwen has no fear of loneliness at all, she has a way of dealing with loneliness.
And in our real life, I say something that may offend people, many people's way to combat loneliness is to get married and have children.
Everyone says that in this era, they are born and do not prevent aging, but in the deepest part of their hearts, there is still the meaning of preventing aging, what is the prevention, it is the loneliness that spreads throughout the body after aging. The younger you are, the more you can't fight loneliness on your own, the more you will see marriage and childbirth as a lifesaver to solve the problem of loneliness (the truth is, it can be alleviated, but people still have to face everything by themselves in the end).
Countless people around me have complained about the difficulty of marriage. Some of these days were so bad that I've asked the same question countless times: Why not get divorced?
The answer is surprisingly consistent: one person, too lonely, boring, even if two people are chicken feathers, then a quarrel at least there is movement in the house.
This is also the reason why many couples who quarrel to the point of flying tend not to divorce, and couples who do not quarrel are the most likely to divorce - we are all trying to solve our own loneliness.
Since marriage is largely about alleviating loneliness, few people can tolerate the loneliness of marriage.
My sister likes to fall in love very much, I used to think she was in love, but then I didn't, because she rarely gave too much in love, she told me that she just can't live alone, and love is just her way to solve the problem of loneliness.
That day, I swiped Weibo and swiped blogger He Rijun said that Zheng Xiuwen couldn't leave Xu Zhi'an when he was young, and it is even more impossible to leave now, because she can't stabilize alone, and Xu Zhi'an has stabilized her, and it is not easy to have such a person, for example, Xiao Yaxuan has not met a person with stable value (approximate meaning).
I quite agree. So, what is this stability, in fact, it is to find a way to live with loneliness.
The world is big, and the sample of human beings is very diverse. Some people can survive loneliness on their own, and some people must have someone else to support them to live. Therefore, do not blindly get married, and do not blindly not get married, first of all, you must understand what kind of person you are.
Having children indiscriminately and not having children indiscriminately are both manifestations of irresponsibility to oneself. If you are sure that in this life, you can't rely on yourself, then marriage and love are the way you have to go, and you have no choice.
Determining how well you can live your life is to have the right to choose love, marriage and childbirth.
I think Liu Yan and Yu Wenwen have both.
Writing this, I suddenly thought of the relationship between Yu Wenwen and her mother. Yu Wenwen's mother is a mother who hopes that she and her daughter will have their own lives and be more special.
The guests in the observation room of "My Girl" are mothers, but Yu Wenwen's mother has her own business and is unwilling to come, so Yu Wenwen came by herself. Every time the clip of Yu Wenwen living alone is broadcast, the camera cuts back to the observation room, and it is an embarrassing silence, why, because most people still think Yu Wenwen is so pitiful. How can a mother be like this, how can she not dedicate herself to her daughter and not think about her daughter?
Although Yu Wenwen has always emphasized that it is not a big deal, the mother and daughter should also have their own lives, saying that she feels that her mother raised her abroad alone, that is the love for her daughter. But many people still think that the mother and daughter are so pitiful and unloved if they don't spend the New Year together.
Therefore, so many people say that they want to have an independent mother, but if there is one, can everyone accept it? I want us all to be true to ourselves – everyone has a selfish side, there is no perfect mother, and there is no perfect daughter.
Many daughters are also cruel and strict with their mothers - you have to be a dedicated personality when I need you, and you have to be an independent mother when I don't need you.
Everyone is subconsciously for themselves. I don't think it's okay to do this, but please always be aware of the fact that forgive others for being just a normal person like you.