A Letter to Children: Distorted, Trapped, Transcended: A Trilogy of Mental Tempering in Personal Growth

A Letter to Children: Distorted, Trapped, Transcended: A Trilogy of Mental Tempering in Personal Growth

I. Introduction

There are three stages of mental training:

The first stage is called the supposed thinking of distorting reality.

The second stage is called trapped reality, and I call it utilitarian thinking.

The third stage is called a belief thinking that transcends reality.

In the journey of life, we are constantly experiencing various challenges and grinding, and the tempering of mental strength is a vital part of it. Mental strength, that is, inner strength and resilience, determines our attitude and choices in the face of adversity. To hone one's mental strength, it often goes through three stages: the thinking that should distort reality, the utilitarian thinking that is trapped in reality, and the belief thinking that transcends reality. These three stages not only reflect the change in our mindset, but also have a profound impact on our personal growth.

2. Distorted Reality Thinking: The Starting Point and Challenges of Growth

"Should thinking" is a way of thinking that tends to judge oneself and the things around you with "should" or "shouldn't". This way of thinking often stems from our internal expectations, social norms, or family education. However, it is also easy to distort our perception of reality, causing us to ignore or deny facts that do not conform to their notions of "should".

Typical features:

1. Absolutization requires: Individuals tend to simply classify things or the actions of themselves and others as "should" or "shouldn't", ignoring the complexity and diversity of the real world. This way of thinking often leads to high expectations of self and others, which can lead to frustration and anxiety if those expectations are not met.
2. Rigid rules: In the thinking stage, the individual may cling to some rigid rules and beliefs, believing that these rules are infallible and unchangeable. This rigid way of thinking limits their flexibility and adaptability, making it difficult for them to cope with changes and challenges.
3. Self-blame and blame: When things don't go the way they should, individuals tend to fall into emotions of self-blame and blame. Individuals may repeatedly think about what they are not doing well enough, and even blame themselves for some external factors, which leads to increased psychological burden. Or, when reality does not match personal presuppositions, it is easy to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even angry, believing that this is the world's "betrayal" of oneself.
4. Lack of flexibility: Individuals who should think often lack flexibility and flexibility in the face of difficult situations. They struggle to see things from multiple perspectives and lack the courage to try new approaches and solutions.

The impact of thinking on personal growth is two-sided.

• On the one hand, it is like a double-edged sword, shackling our thinking and action. When we are too obsessed with what we "should", we tend to ignore the diversity and complexity of reality, and thus fall into the dilemma of self-limitation.
• On the other hand, thinking should also be the starting point and driving force for our growth. It reflects our intrinsic expectations and values and drives us to pursue a better version of ourselves.

So, how do you identify and adjust what you should think?

• First, we need to learn to listen to our inner voice and understand our own inner expectations and values.
• Second, we need to maintain a keen observation of reality, and learn to accept and deal with facts that do not conform to the concept of "should".
• Finally, through reflection and adjustment, we can gradually loosen the shackles of our thinking and make our thinking more flexible and open.

Case 1: Xiao Li is a newcomer to the workplace, and she walked into the company with enthusiasm and longing. However, the reality of working life made her feel frustrated. She found that she was not always able to handle her work with the same ease as her old employees. Whenever she encounters difficulties, she pushes herself with "I should be able to do better". However, this supposed thinking plunged her into deep self-doubt and anxiety. Later, with the help of a mentor, Xiao Li began to learn to adjust his way of thinking. She realizes that the workplace is a process of learning and growth, not a judging ground for whether it should be or not. As a result, she began to face the challenges and difficulties in her work with a more open and inclusive attitude. Gradually, she found that her mental strength had been honed and improved, and she was more confident and calm in her professional life.

3. Utilitarian Thinking of Trapped Reality: The Turning Point and Test of Growth

When we are gradually freed from the shackles of supposed thinking, we begin to pay more attention to reality, and this is when utilitarian thinking quietly appears. Utilitarian thinking is a way of thinking that tends to look at things from a utilitarian perspective. Driven by utilitarian thinking, we begin to think more pragmatically about the practical benefits and effects of problems.

Typical features:

1. Focus on immediate interests: In the utilitarian thinking stage, individuals pay more attention to immediate benefits and effects, and ignore long-term development and planning. They may sacrifice long-term goals and values for short-term gains, lacking vision and idealism.
2. Weigh the pros and cons: Individuals in the utilitarian thinking stage often weigh the pros and cons of various pros and cons when faced with choices to maximize their own interests. While this way of thinking helps to make rational decisions, it can also lead them to ignore some important non-interest factors.
3. Competition-oriented: Under the influence of utilitarian thinking, individuals may be more concerned about competition and comparison with others. They may compare their worth to others and thus get caught up in unnecessary competition and pressure.
4. Restricted horizons: Individuals in the utilitarian thinking stage may have a relatively limited horizon, focusing more on things that are relevant to their own interests and ignoring broader social and environmental factors. This limited horizon may limit their range of thinking and action.

The impact of utilitarian thinking on personal growth is also two-sided.

• On the one hand, it makes us more pragmatic and down-to-earth. Instead of dwelling on the illusory "shoulds", we begin to think down-to-earth about how to solve problems and how to achieve goals. This pragmatic attitude has undoubtedly played an important role in our growth.
• On the other hand, utilitarian thinking can also lead us into an excessive pursuit of material or short-term gains. When we focus too much on immediate benefits, we may neglect long-term plans and goals, and thus fall into the dilemma of short-sightedness.

So, how do you balance utilitarian thinking with long-term goals?

• First, we need to be clear about our core values and long-term goals. In this way, while pursuing immediate interests, we can always remind ourselves not to deviate from the right direction.
• Second, we need to learn to find a balance between utilitarianism and morality. Sometimes, for the sake of the long-term good, we may need to temporarily give up some immediate utilitarian benefits.
• Finally, we need to maintain our vision and enthusiasm for the future, so that we can be motivated enough to overcome the difficulties and challenges ahead.

Case 2: Mr. Zhang is an entrepreneur who faced tremendous pressure and challenges when starting her own company. In order for the company to survive and grow, she has to always think about how to gain more customers and market share. In the process, she gradually fell into the dilemma of utilitarian thinking. She began to focus too much on immediate interests and neglected to plan and invest in the company's long-term development. As a result, the company's business grew in the short term, but it was stuck in a bottleneck due to a lack of long-term planning. Later, during an exchange with his mentor, Mr. Zhang realized what his problem was. She began to adjust her way of thinking, reformulated the company's long-term development plan, and invested a lot of time and energy in product development and market expansion. Although the process was full of hardships and challenges, Mr. Zhang gained great growth and gains from it. Her company has gradually come out of the predicament and ushered in new development opportunities.

Fourth, beyond the reality of belief thinking: the peak of growth and transformation

After we have gone through the shackles of supposed thinking and the test of utilitarian thinking, we have come to the third stage of mental training - belief thinking. Belief thinking is a way of thinking that transcends reality, firmness, and far-reaching. Under the guidance of belief thinking, we no longer only focus on immediate interests or "shoulds", but have a broader and deeper vision and goals.

The impact of belief thinking on personal growth is profound and long-lasting. It enables us to remain steadfast and optimistic in the face of difficulties and challenges. Because we believe in our beliefs and values, we are willing to put in the effort and sweat for these beliefs and values. This unwavering belief is not only the source of motivation for our growth, but also the key to our success.

Typical features:

1. Strong beliefs: In the belief thinking stage, individuals have strong beliefs and values. They believe that their beliefs are right and are willing to put in the effort and sacrifice for them. This unwavering belief became the source of motivation for their actions.
2. Transcending Reality: Individuals in the belief thinking stage are able to transcend the constraints and limitations of reality and see a broader range of possibilities and the future. They are not satisfied with the status quo but are constantly striving for higher goals and ideals.
3. Flexible Adaptation: Unlike the rigidity of the supposed thinking stage, individuals in the belief thinking stage are more flexible and adaptable. They are able to adapt their strategies and methods to realities to better achieve their beliefs and goals.
4. Positive Action: Individuals in the belief thinking stage tend to act positively rather than passively wait. They believe that through their efforts and actions, they can change reality and create a better future. This positive attitude of action has made them more resilient in the face of challenges and difficulties.

So, how do you cultivate and stick to a belief-based mindset?

• First, we need to find our mission and vision. Only when we are clear about our mission and vision can we be motivated enough to stand up for what we believe in.
• Second, we need to learn to hold on to our beliefs in the face of adversity. Sometimes, reality can conflict with our beliefs, and we need to have enough courage and wisdom to stand up for our beliefs and find solutions to problems.
• Finally, we need to keep learning and growing, so that we can constantly enrich and refine our belief system to make it more firm and far-reaching.

Case 3: Ms. Liu is a social activist who is passionate about environmental protection. She has been committed to promoting the implementation of environmental policies and the popularization of environmental awareness for many years. In the process, she faced great resistance and challenges. Sometimes, she is even misunderstood and attacked by others because of her environmental beliefs. For example, when she advocated to reduce the use of single-use plastics, she was not only opposed by some companies, but also considered by some to be too idealistic and unrealistic.

Despite this, Ms. Liu has always stood true to her beliefs. She believes that society will become better and more sustainable if everyone can contribute to environmental protection. She actively disseminates environmental ideas through various channels such as community talks, social media, and participation in government legislation, and works with like-minded people.

Ms. Liu's persistence and efforts have gradually been recognized and supported by the society. Her environmental organization has successfully promoted the implementation of a number of environmental policies and has significantly increased environmental awareness in the community. In the end, Ms. Liu not only achieved personal growth and value realization, but also made important contributions to the environmental protection of the society.

V. Conclusion

Looking back at the three stages of mental training—the supposed thinking that distorts reality, the utilitarian thinking that traps reality, and the belief thinking that transcends reality—it is not difficult to find that each stage has had a profound impact on our personal growth. Freed from the shackles of supposed thinking, we learn to face reality more pragmatically; In the test of utilitarian thinking, we learn to balance immediate interests with long-term goals; Under the guidance of belief thinking, we have achieved the pinnacle and transformation of personal growth.

Therefore, no matter what stage we are in, we need to be aware of and adjust our thinking patterns at all times. Only in this way can we continue to hone our mental strength and achieve personal growth and value realization. At the same time, we should also cherish the experiences and challenges at each stage, because they are valuable assets and sources of motivation for our growth.