Emotional intelligence at its highest level: know how to say no

Franklin Book Club

2024-07-09 18:06Posted in Jiangxi Emotional Field Creator

Author: Flying in Red (Rich Book Author)

Last weekend, a friend confided in me about his troubles:

His nephew, who was far away in the countryside, had excellent grades, and his parents (that is, the friend's sister and brother-in-law) felt that the child was a good seedling and should be cultivated well, so they approached the friend several times and asked him to find a way to transfer the child to the city to study.

My friend knew that it was difficult to transfer to another school, and he didn't have that ability himself, so he wanted to refuse.

However, as soon as he refused, his sister cried and cried, saying that he knew many people in the city and that he would help the child no matter what.

The friend spent a lot of effort, licked his face, spent money, and finally let the child come to the city to study as he wished.

During the three years that my nephew was in middle school, my friend was also dedicated to his children.

When the child achieved good results, he thought that his sister's family would thank him for at least 3 years of dedication.

As a result, the child did not invite him to the school banquet.

Later, he learned from other relatives that his sister and brother-in-law thought that he had not served a bowl of water to his nephew and his child, and that the child had been wronged in his family.

The world is complicated, people's hearts are complicated, and dealing with all kinds of people, it is inevitable that we will be constrained by some unreasonable requirements, if we do not know how to refuse, we are likely to fall into endless troubles and exhaustion.

In fact, those who are really smart have long learned to say "no" to things they are reluctant to do.

As Mr. Yang Jiang said: "Boldly refuse, bravely say no!" ”

In many cases, knowing how to say no is a person's highest level of emotional intelligence.

Rejecting "good face" in life can reduce 99% of trouble

In the sketch "Something You Say", Xiao Guo is an ordinary worker, usually in order for others to look up to him, he always shows his "ability" by helping others run errands.

No matter how big or small, as long as someone speaks, he always agrees without hesitation, and then runs around and does his best to complete it.

Over time, everyone felt that he was enthusiastic and asked him for help when there was something.

In order to save face, even if he can't do something, Xiao Guo will take it down.

In order to help the section chief buy a sleeper ticket, he first lied that he had an acquaintance on the railway, and then braved the cold wind to go to the train station to stay up late and queue up.

The section chief smiled happily after getting the ticket, and even praised Xiao Guo for his ability.

As everyone knows, in order to buy a ticket, Xiao Guo dragged his wife to suffer with him, and the bitterness behind it is indescribable.

In life, we are not such a "Xiao Guo".

Other people's busyness is beyond our ability, and we are embarrassed to refuse because of face, and we sacrifice our own time, energy, and even money half-pushed.

It's okay to help others do things, but if things are not done, they will make a fuss for themselves.

Liu Zhenyun said: "Whatever others want you to do, you will do it, and you will eventually become a coolie." You will appear when others need you, disappear when you don't need you, and you will slowly lose yourself. The biggest problem with being a human being is that you don't say no. ”

Indeed, life is like a spiritual practice, and you must learn to refuse in order to maintain inner peace and freedom.

Of course, rejection does not mean isolating oneself and isolating oneself from the world.

On the contrary, it is more of a positive way to communicate. Through rejection, we can communicate our bottom lines and principles to others, allowing them to better understand our inner world.

In life, when we are faced with these unreasonable requests, we can do this:

1. Refuse the law

If someone borrows money, we can say something like, "You know, I'm usually used to being lavish, and now I don't have any savings at all, which makes you laugh!" ”

2. Workaround

I won't talk about this today, I think there's another thing you'll be more concerned about......

3. Difficult law

"I can help you, but if I want to help you, I will offend many people and pay a great price, which is too much for me to lose, you better think of other ways."

The rejection of high emotional intelligence will not only reduce 99% of the troubles in life, but also screen out high-quality social relationships and make your life easy.

Not being a "good old man" in the workplace will reduce physical and mental fatigue

Friend Meiyu is a typical good old person in the unit.

As long as my colleague Xiao A has something, he will say to her: "Meiyu, help, I have a document leader in hand who needs to be urgent, please help me complete it, and ask you to see my mailbox!" ”

Before Meiyu could react, Xiao A had already left, and Meiyu had no choice but to work overtime to help Xiao A finish.

Colleague Xiao B said: "Meiyu, are you going out, by the way, help me get a courier, and buy another cup of milk tea!" Thank you, you are really a good person in our unit. ”

Meiyu, who wanted to refuse, was afraid that she would hurt Xiao B's face because of such a trivial matter, so she had to help him pick up the courier and buy milk tea against his will.

Although Meiyu was reluctant to do such things, she still did a lot of them, such as taking a detour to send her colleagues home, secretly helping her colleagues sign in, etc.

Meiyu is like a spinning top that can't be stopped, and she wastes a lot of time on others, making her life more and more miserable.

In the workplace, it is not uncommon for a "good old man" like Meiyu to be.

They always think about what others want first, and even if they don't want to do it, they are embarrassed to say "no". In this way, others are quite happy, but their own lives are a mess.

In psychology, this behavior is known as "pleasing disorder".

Afraid of angering the leader and offending colleagues, over time, more and more things at hand are done, and overtime has become commonplace.

Blindly giving in and paying a lot of goodwill may be exchanged for not being valued and treated well.

Sacrificing oneself involuntarily and trying to meet the needs of others will make you more and more tired and sad over time.

In fact, we don't go to work to make friends in the workplace, we don't have to make ourselves uncomfortable for fear of offending people, and there is no need to lower our posture to accommodate anyone, let alone think about pleasing and pleasing others.

Otherwise, you are the one who does the hard work and carries the black pot, and you are the one who is not respected.

Be bold and brave, we must first learn to please ourselves in life.

If we don't want to be a good person in the workplace, if we don't want to be angry in the unit, if we refuse to be a colleague, and get the right to take the lead in the work, we must learn to refuse without being hurt and angry:

1. Humorous rejection

If a colleague asks you to help with his work, you have to easily say, "I'm so sorry, I'm going to be a deserter today, and I can't help you with paperwork." ”

2. Refuse with confidence

The colleague who is not on the way asks you to take him home, and says, "You better think of another way, we don't go by the way." ”

3. Neither humble nor arrogant refusal

When a colleague asks you to take the courier and buy a drink, you can say: "I'm sorry, you better get it yourself, I'm frizzy, it's not good to take the wrong one; I think it's probably better for you to get someone who specializes in buying drinks to help you. ”

When we no longer play an omnipotent, always-on role, we have more time and energy to focus on our work, to pursue personal growth and improvement, and at the same time, to gain more respect and recognition in the workplace.

In marriage, I let go of the "soft mentality" and most of them live happily

Huang Yimei in the hit drama "The Story of Rose" has been pampered since she was a child.

After being hurt a lot in her first relationship, she got acquainted with Fang Xiewen, who was so well disguised that Huang Yimei felt that he was the one who could be with her for a lifetime.

would rather fall out with her family, and she would also marry Fang Xiewen.

After getting married, I found out that my mother-in-law was full of hatred for her, bullied her for not understanding Korean, accused her in public, and even talked about her for a long time when she bought a bouquet of flowers.

Fang Xiewen also judged the two of them before, did not allow her to wear skirts, disgusted her for her low salary, and even mocked her for making her nails.

Because of Fang Xiewen's goodness, Huang Yimei compromised softly again and again.

However, her concession was not respected by her husband and mother-in-law.

Fang Xiewen not only resigned for her privately, but also monitored her and confiscated her cash.

In this marriage that was not favored by her parents, Huang Yimei not only did not reap happiness, but because of her own accommodation and concession, she fell into endless pain.

It is difficult for a woman who is too soft-hearted in marriage to find happiness.

If you are soft-hearted again and again, you will only let the other party gain an inch, give in step by step, and only let the other party do whatever you want.

As soon as your lover says something good, you hesitate, and if someone lowers their head once, you forgive, which will only put yourself in dire straits.

Try to let go of the "soft mentality", maybe you will get a different life.

My neighbor Yan'er, her life always seems to be so unhurried, and the secret is that she dares to say "no" bravely at home.

Since she and her husband got married, they have clearly agreed on the way to celebrate the New Year, one year at her mother's house and one year at her mother-in-law's house.

Whenever the in-laws disagree with this, Yan'er always has a resolute attitude and does not flinch. Her insistence made her mother-in-law's family gradually accept this arrangement.

After having a child, although her mother-in-law and husband both hoped that she could go home and concentrate on taking care of the child, Yan'er had her own plans.

She did not hesitate to hire a nanny and rented a house near the unit, so that she could balance her work and ensure the care of her children.

Yan'er's decisions are not impulsive, but based on her deep understanding and planning of her own life. She understands that only by sticking to her principles and bottom line can she maintain independence and dignity in her family.

It is precisely because of this courage to say "no" that Yan'er's husband and mother-in-law have never made unreasonable demands, and her life has been able to maintain balance and harmony.

As Zhang Ailing said: "Women, don't be too kind, don't be too generous, don't be too capable, and don't be soft-hearted and embarrassed." ”

In marriage, if you are always too soft-hearted, no matter how much you give, no one will really cherish it.

Because human greed is endless, your generosity and selflessness are often taken for granted, thus making the other person forget to be grateful and reciprocate.

Only by learning to say "no" at the right time can we be considerate when necessary.

When we feel that our boundaries are offended, we can learn to do the following:

1. Buffer method

"I'm going to discuss it with my parents, and you and your family about it, and we'll make a decision in a few days."

2. Compensation Law

"I'm sorry, I can't do this, but I can do another thing."

3. Listen and then refuse

Listen carefully to the unreasonable demands of your family, and then express your thoughts after listening: "I understand your feelings, but I think there is a better solution to this matter." ”

Only by letting go of the "soft mentality" and bravely saying "no" can we keep our bottom line, maintain our dignity, and establish a healthy and harmonious marriage relationship.

Haruki Murakami once said:

"Don't be too well-behaved, refuse what you don't want to do, don't be too reluctant if you can't do it, and pretend not to hear if you don't like it. Your life is not about pleasing others, it's about being kind to yourself. ”

Life is not easy, and we don't have to push ourselves too hard, and we don't have to sacrifice our own will to cater to others.

Reasonable refusal is not only a sign of respect for oneself, but also a sign of maturity. It means that we learn to weigh the pros and cons and know how to protect our hearts in a complex world.

When we learn to care for ourselves and respect our choices, we have more strength and courage to deal with life.

May you dare to refuse, have the courage to be responsible for yourself, and live a more sober and comfortable life.

About the author:Flying in red, rich book author, reading and writing training instructor for primary and secondary school students, love reading and writing, like to see life in the text, taste the ups and downs, if a person wants to succeed, you need an ability to support you to do your best, not to be hindered, not to be tempted, this is the shielding power, the 4th new book of Fushu has been published, your life, need shielding power, and 5 million people to upgrade their life cognition, this article: Franklin Book Club, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, may not be reprinted, Infringement must be investigated

Note: The picture of this article is from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete

View original image 265K

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

•