At the age of 60, children have already started a family, and those who have dedicated decades to the job have retired. But retirement doesn't mean life is any easier.
Because at this time, the parents have already gray hair and are entering advanced age. Filial piety comes first, and as children, they should take on the responsibility of taking care of their elderly parents.
However, taking care of parents should also pay attention to ways and means, and some people are prone to fall into some misunderstandings when taking care of their parents. If you take care of your parents for a long time, don't step on these three pits, because filial piety also requires wisdom and boundaries.
1. Don't be foolish
"Filial piety comes first", the crow still knows how to feed, as a child, it is natural to fulfill filial piety. But "filial piety" is not the same as unprincipled obedience and accommodation.
When the children reach the age of 60, the parents are already 80 or 90 years old. At this age, their way of thinking and living habits are very different from those of their children's generation. With disagreements, many parents become stubborn, believing that their ideas are right and do not allow others to disagree with them.
At this time, some children are easy to fall into a misunderstanding of "foolish filial piety", thinking that obedience is the greatest filial piety.
The times are advancing, and many parents are derailed from society when they get older, and their thoughts and cognitions cannot keep up with the changes. Although parents love their children, there are limits to what they can perceive and love.
Some things that seem to be good for you may not turn out to be good for you.
Secondly, parents love their children too much, and they often have too strong subjective awareness when considering problems, think one-sidedly about problems, and do not understand the overall situation. This kind of love seems to be for the good of the child, but if the child obeys the parents' practices, it will cause more conflicts and troubles.
Taking care of your parents is not about blindly obeying them. If parents don't do something right, you can communicate with them in a gentle way, and if the communication is fruitless, you have to face it rationally.
Some children are too foolish and filial when taking care of their parents, not only demanding that they obey their parents, but also making their family members obey their parents' words. Even if the family members are wronged, they cannot complain and refuse, and such foolishness and filial piety are easy to affect family harmony.
Remember, filial piety is not blind obedience. At the age of 60, he has passed the age of knowing the destiny of heaven, and it is time to be more mature and take care of the overall situation.
2. Don't forcefully change your parents' habits
Every generation has its own habits, and when their parents reach the age of eighty or ninety, their habits are already deep-rooted, and it is not easy to change them. Therefore, as children, we must not change them forcefully in the name of love.
The lifestyle of each generation is different, some old people have lived a hard life since childhood and are used to being thrifty, some old people are used to drinking a glass of liquor after meals, and some old people are idle and have to find something to do every day.
Although children want them to have an easier life and not work so hard, if parents do not want to change, this kind of good for them is a shackle.
Last year, my aunt took my grandmother to the city to care for the elderly. My grandmother couldn't stay idle and wanted to grow some vegetables on the land near the community, but was stopped by the security guards. I wanted to dry the beans on the drying rack downstairs, but I was complained by other neighbors.
My aunt advised my grandmother to rest at home and not do these things, because the family was not short of food. Grandma didn't want to make trouble for her aunt, so she was really idle, but her grandmother was not happy and often sat on the sofa in a daze.
Grandma didn't like this kind of life. She couldn't let go of the chickens and two sheep she had at home, and she was worried that the yard would be left unattended for a long time.
My aunt persuaded my grandmother to adapt to life in the city and tried her best to spend more time with my grandmother, but my grandmother was always unhappy, did not sleep well, and smiled less.
After my aunt sent my grandmother back to her hometown, in just a few days, my grandmother's spirit was much better. When eating, he went to the neighbor's house with a bowl, planted vegetables, and distributed them to each child. Although my grandmother is busy again, she is very happy.
Therefore, when taking care of our parents, we should respect their living habits, and do not impose on them the way of life that we think is right, and ask them to change, otherwise it will not only cause their disgust and resistance, but also alienate the parent-child relationship.
3. Just do your best and don't blame yourself too much
Some children are very filial and responsible, and in the process of taking care of their parents, they often put forward extremely high requirements for themselves, hoping that they can do everything they can do, so that their parents can live a carefree material and spiritual life in their later years.
However, the reality is often not as good as it could be. Despite their best efforts, the children will encounter some unavoidable regrets.
At the age of 60, it is the time when both parties have to take care of the old and the young, and it is difficult to have both. Some people help their sons and daughters-in-law take care of their children, and they have no spare energy to take care of their parents, so they can only hire nurses or send their parents to nursing homes.
Some children are not in good health and have taken care of their parents for a long time, so it is inevitable that there will be times when they are not considerate. Some children know that their parents have some regrets and want to help them make up for them, but because of some delays, they regret that they should have done something when their parents died.
In life, there will always be regrets of one kind or another. At this time, it is easy for children to fall into the vortex of self-blame, thinking that they have not done well enough and have not fulfilled their responsibilities as children.
But remember, filial piety cannot be measured by perfection. At the age of sixty, the focus of life is not only on parents, but also on other things, which make people unskilled.
Each of us has limited abilities, just like family and work need to be balanced, but how hard is it to have the best of both worlds?
No matter how hard we try, we can't have it both ways. Therefore, in the process of taking care of our parents, we must learn to accept our imperfections, as long as we do our best, do what we should do, do not evade the responsibility of taking care of our parents, and be worthy of our hearts.
Although birth, old age, sickness and death are normal human feelings, there is also a saying that the son wants to raise but does not wait for his relatives. If your parents are still alive, make the most of the time you spend with them.
Don't be foolish in the process of accompanying them, don't deliberately change their living habits, in short, do your best, don't seek perfection.
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