Telephone bombardment, encirclement and interception, friends persuade ....
I believe that many people have tried these methods after a breakup, and the results can be imagined, being given an ultimatum, or even deleting all contacts, pulling the difficulty of recovery directly from easy mode to hell mode.
But the pain point is that you know that you are annoying the other person, but you are still anxious because you can't reverse the development of things in a short period of time.
In fact, when a person is bored with you, you may even seem wrong to breathe, and when he has a grudge against you, even if your actions and glances are enough to make him bored.
At this time, the best thing to do is to retreat to the previous level of relationship first
Because there is an "exposure effect" in psychology, as long as it occurs frequently, it will increase the degree of liking.
But the premise of the exposure effect is that he has a positive impression of you, and if you have had a conflict before, the more often it appears, the more offensive it becomes.
And the breakup means that he has a negative impression of you, and stalking at this time will only hasten his departure.
At this time, many people will say: I have recognized the problem and worked hard towards his ideal appearance, why does he still ignore me and have no good impression?
There are several reasons for this:
1. The problems in the relationship have not changed yet
Your so-called changes are just verbal words, and your chat attitude is still the same as before, not knowing how to empathize, self, strong desire to control, still claiming to be boyfriend and girlfriend, etc., which makes the other party even more reluctant to believe you.
2. You have made changes to the problems in the relationship, but you have not shown them accordingly, and the other party has not seen your changes.
3. The problems in the relationship have been changed, and the corresponding display has been made, but the time is too short to eliminate the negative impression of the other party, at this time, you need to continue to convey your changes, or adjust your display methods;
4. The problems in the relationship have been changed, and they have been shown accordingly, and they have also felt your changes, but they still don't believe you.
I don't know if your change is temporary or really growing, so I am still wary and resistant to you, and at this time, I need to continue to communicate the change until he believes that you have really changed.
Therefore, the premise of reconciling your ex with you is whether you are really aware of your problems, whether you have changed, and whether the problems between you can be solved.
Therefore, a very important step in recovery is to dig out the real reason for your breakup through superficial problems.
Breaking up is definitely not a false word such as the ex's personality incompatibility, parental opposition, and his unsuitability to fall in love, etc., you must know that the breakdown of a relationship is often caused by accumulation.
For example, you lack heart-to-heart communication, do not know how to listen, do not know how to understand each other's inner thoughts and feelings, chat less and less, have less and less common topics, and often lose your temper with each other.
Questions he once asked, you never took to heart, etc.
Those points that the other person minds, but you have been ignoring all the time, are the real reasons.
So at this time, you need to jump out of the surface, reflect on the deeper problems in your relationship, and think more about what he usually is unhappy about?
Is there a problem that you have not resolved after many arguments? Has he ever complained about you? Don't take it lightly, even if it's a joke.
Because he can say this, it means that he has thought about it in his heart and cares. Only when the problems are solved, will he give you a new chance when evaluating the relationship.
Of course, it's not enough to make your ex like you right away, but at least you can face up to what you say. So this time we must seize the opportunity to change his negative impression of you.
Many people may have cried many times, apologized many times, and promised many times before, but the other party's attitude has not waved.
This is mainly because when you don't change, your apologies and assurances have no credibility for him.
But after a period of verification and changes in the various channel displays, he has definitely calmed down now. At this time, if you contact again, he will definitely not reject you so much.
Overall, recovery is a comprehensive battle, and with good preparations, the results won't deviate too far from your goal.