Women's Prison
Yi Zai women's prison put on a cold and hard shell for herself, but she couldn't change her inner weakness and inner meekness, and her prison reform gradually entered the right track.
At this time, she realized that the reform of her sentence was actually subconsciously hoping that reality was an illusion, and gradually lost herself in it, confused, unable to distinguish between reality and illusion, and struggling between the two.
In fact, this person was a little stubborn when he was a child, but after all, he was a girl, and he couldn't be naughty, and as he grew older, his stubborn atmosphere was lost, which was nothing more than being pampered at home and becoming more domineering.
Especially since I met and fell in love, I have made every effort to win my love with meekness and understanding, and I have always hoped to exchange respect for respect in front of others, and to exchange understanding for understanding, in short, I care about the evaluation of others about myself.
When it comes to labor, in society, if you are very bored, you can go to the street to visit the shops, watch movies, chat with people, rub mahjong, and change your pastime. There is no comparison in prison with the society, and I can't help but feel too tired when I work, but if I am really idle, I will feel at a loss for three or five days, even in the afternoon.
To put it bluntly, the reason why Yi did that at that time was only because he doubted everything, including the reality that he was witnessing. Lest you be hurt again if you are not careful, so you have to create a layer of disguise, a shell that seems to be extremely hard, and tightly wrap your fragile self, which is so fragile that your soul trembles with fear all the time, so as not to be hurt endlessly again and again, and it is not necessary to make something happen.
Although the time in prison is still very short, Yi has learned that the police officers want to grasp all the thoughts and psychology of all the inmates, and they are eager to make all the inmates transparent in front of them. In this way, they can always discover in a timely manner all psychological activities that are not conducive to the safety of supervision and education and reform, prevent the occurrence of violations and bad behaviors in a timely manner, and smoothly instill the ideological concepts that they think are correct into every prisoner, so as to achieve the goal of thorough reform day by day.
If anyone does not say a word, they will not be able to grasp the mental activity and thought dynamics of that person, and they will feel uneasy, and they will do everything possible to get that person to speak.
Yi kept silent, deliberately hung up in the production and labor, just to attract their attention, and then do enough to confront them, so that they were afraid of her, and even revealed in front of the same reformers that they dared to do it with the police officers, and they had enough ability and courage and strength enough, and whoever wanted to embarrass her at will would pay a lot of price, so that they would be afraid of her, so as to achieve the purpose of protecting themselves.
Since the prison director personally did Yi's ideological work that day, the prison officers have less and less time to talk to Yi, and Yi also feels that his goal has basically been achieved. It is impossible to eliminate the prejudice against police officers for a while, and they are still unaccustomed to the same change in management, and they are inevitably always sneering, but they are no longer always cold.
In addition, she is just suspicious, always beware of someone designing a plot, and as for learning, it is just perfunctory, but in her opinion, even if she has to strictly follow the provisions of the "Code of Conduct" to implement them one by one, it may not be as many Tongkai say that they will "not survive". Because these provisions in the Code of Conduct are the norms that should be practiced as a normal person, and these provisions are not too far from the daily words and deeds of her life before she lost her freedom.
When it comes to production and labor, Yi even believes that since the production quota issued by the prison district must be completed, how can it be completed as soon as it is completed late? There is so much noise during labor hours, and whether you want to or not, you have to sit upright in front of the operating table, so you can't complete the task as a result, and you have to extend the labor time, stay there for a few more hours, and how to strive to complete the task early and leave the workshop early?
In contrast, this prisoner still feels that he is the most down-to-earth when he is working, so he even hopes that it is best to work all the time except for meals and sleep, and he is so focused on his work that he can no longer think about things that are impossible to think about as soon as he has free time, and only hurt, worry or resentment. Therefore, Shangyi has become one of the few people in the group who rarely worry about Zhao Weiwei, a police officer.
Before you know it, the Spring Festival has arrived. The Spring Festival is not a grand festival for the Dai family, strictly speaking, it is not a festival at all, but since following me back to Dali, for so many years, every Spring Festival has been spent with me in Dali.
Under this influence, over time, the Spring Festival is also regarded as the grandest and most solemn festival of the year.
As a result, like any inmate serving a prison sentence for reform, the Spring Festival is like a malaria for Yi to the world, and with the arrival of the Spring Festival, the worries, worries, sadness, pain and other sorrows and farewells caused by homesickness are boundless in the bottom of the heart, sweeping from the brain.
The difference is that some of the surrounding reformers actively participate in the cultural and sports activities organized by the prison district, and use entertainment to dilute these sorrows; Some buried their heads and wrote letters home one after another, venting all their thoughts and concerns, all their injuries and pains on letterheads, regardless of whether each stamp could carry such a heavy load; Some watch TV and DVDs in the dark, while others use provocation and even fight to vent the thousands of ups and downs that they can't suppress and can't get rid of.
And Yi often sits cross-legged on the bed alone, saying that if you want to think about yourself, think about your mother and sisters, just don't think about me, but you can't stop thinking about me.
Sometimes this thought is very clear, sometimes it is very vague, sometimes it is vague and it is clear, but whether it is clear or vague, every time I take back my thoughts, I feel very dazed. Obviously, he just recalled the sweet past he shared with me, but when he turned his head, he couldn't remember my face. Sometimes I even wonder if I have something to do with me, and when I close my eyes gently, there will be a tall and sturdy figure in front of me, which seems to be me, and it doesn't seem to be me.
I thought to myself, I left my hometown, I wandered around alone, wasn't it all because of Lin Feng that I was sentenced to prison? But who am Lin Feng? Lovers? Since it is my lover, why did he leave me, leaving my withered leaves to drift around like the wind, and tears spilling all over the footprints of the north and south? Let me suffer so much here that I can't hold his hand? Or, he is nothing, just a shadow, a shadow that he can't rely on, a shadow that he can't get rid of but can't get rid of!
When I think about it, I suddenly feel that I really have nothing left, and I feel extremely empty and afraid.
Then I thought, if there is no one, there will be no one, if you can forget Lin Feng, if there is really nothing, then all the sadness, pain, hesitation, and confusion will not be able to talk about? Wouldn't that be better?
Thinking about it, I couldn't tell whether it was empty or depressed, and gradually curled up on the bed and fell into a dream in a trance.
To be continued