-01
The ambiguity of middle-aged men and women is even more up
A message from a wife.
She is caught in a tormented, struggling, tangled ambiguous relationship.
The favorability of this man has not only not faded over time, but has become more and more profound;
Especially after the two people met, the relationship heated up rapidly, and the man's influence on her has far exceeded the influence of her husband on her.
She has been married for 10 years and her children are in elementary school;
The man has been married for 15 years and also has 2 children.
She knew that it was impossible to have a suitable outcome in an ambiguous relationship with a man, but she couldn't control herself.
When chatting, she can pretend to be cold, but every time she meets, a man can accurately grasp her emotions.
In one of her words:
"The ideal partner I was looking forward to when I was young, I didn't meet it when I got married, and I suddenly met it when I reached middle age."
How can you not be impressed? How can you not be addicted?
She said that the only reason she had left, and she did not break through the last layer of the relationship, mainly because of her children rather than her husband.
She wants to play the role of a good mother, but the desires and desires in her heart tear at her reason and emotions all the time.
After in-depth communication with her, I found more details.
She and her husband were "arranged by their parents to marry their son".
has no emotional foundation, plus when he reaches the age of marriage, he has never been in love since he was a child;
Under the arrangement of his parents, he met a man with similar conditions and got married.
From acquaintance to pregnancy to marriage, and then to life after marriage, it can be summed up in two words - bland.
It's as plain as water, without the slightest fluctuation, and there's nothing new.
The way two people get along can be regarded as mutual respect, each with its own boundaries, just like living together for a child.
The feelings that have been suppressed in my heart for more than 30 years have always been hidden;
And the appearance of the ambiguous object instantly opened the lock.
Everything is going in an uncontrollable direction.
The ambiguous dilemma actually happens to many people.
It's just that compared with the bravery and decisiveness of young people, middle-aged people are more passive in dealing with ambiguous relationships;
Emotions are over, ambiguity is addicted, and reason is swallowed up.
-02
What is the nature of ambiguous addiction?
People are easily attracted to something, someone, something, and then develop an addictive mechanism.
For example: smoking addiction, alcohol addiction, game addiction, emotional addiction.
Why does a person like to drink?
Do people who are addicted to alcohol really just love alcohol and love the feeling of "dizziness and dizziness on the top"?
Not.
If you look at the people around you who are addicted to alcohol, you will see that they are missing everywhere else.
Either your career is not going well, or your relationship is not going well, or you are living a bad life, or you are under a lot of pressure every day.
Because he is very depressed and unhappy in some ways, drinking has become his "way to make up for the lack of his heart".
Emotional transfer, emotional transfer, pinning these on external objects, or other addictive things.
The ambiguous relationship between men and women is essentially the same.
Why is it ambiguous and addictive?
First: lack of affection
Dissatisfaction with the current intimate relationship, dissatisfaction with the partner, or the desired and expected affection, cannot be obtained from love, marriage, or partner.
As soon as a "similar person of the opposite sex" appears in his life and can bring him some attraction, he will go up.
This is human nature, and human feelings are often controlled by human nature.
People who are dissatisfied with their marriage and whose relationship between husband and wife are not harmonious will look elsewhere to make up for this missing relationship;
People who want to escape from the relationship, but can't leave for the time being, will also choose an ambiguous relationship.
Second: the emotional shock of freshness
What is the essence of ambiguity? It's freshness.
It's like fishing.
People who really like fishing enjoy the process of fishing, the moment when the fish is hooked;
All the anticipation, the freshness, and the cost invested in the waiting process are met at the moment when the fish takes the bait.
The sense of accomplishment makes them addicted to fishing.
It doesn't matter if the fish is released or brought home.
The ambiguous addiction mechanism is just that.
If you rub an emotional spark with the opposite sex, your brain will provide you with positive feedback;
Hormones, dopamine secretion in large quantities, you are happy with each other.
Looking forward to having more contact with each other, every time you test the bottom line, you are addicted;
As long as you don't break through the last layer of relationship, you will go all the way to this result.
But all of this will change when you get each other.
If you get it, the freshness loses the mystery it should have;
The more you get, the faster you get bored.
Topic:
Can you become addicted to flirtatious relationships?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, social relationships, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.