There is a passage in the psychological treatise "The Meaning of Marriage":
We never know our spouse, we just know that even if we find the right person in the first place, it won't be long before he changes.
The more you go on, the more you will find that your marriage and life are like the old leaves on a tree, beginning to turn yellow, and begin to appear missing corners and wormholes, and even more unfortunately, they have begun to rot and even wither.
But life is so realistic, not everyone has the ability to say no casually, and the marriage that will be settled, the marriage that turns a blind eye to it, should be born from time to time.
At this time, some people will hope that the other party will take the lead in piercing the window paper and take a decisive step.
A middle-aged man who has had a similar experience said that when a man doesn't love you anymore, but he doesn't want to bear the notoriety of abandoning you, at this time, he will definitely use the most heart-wrenching performance to force you to take the initiative to leave.
One
Unwilling to listen, the language becomes perfunctory day by day
My friend Xiao Jiang found that something was wrong with a man, and it started from the man's language becoming more and more perfunctory day by day.
In the first few years of falling in love and getting married, men will respond to Xiao Jiang's words and deeds.
Xiao Jiang is not good at cooking, in the first few years of learning to cook, no matter how Xiao Jiang did, men would find praise points to give encouragement, and then Xiao Jiang's cooking skills increased day by day, and he could change the pattern to make a table of dishes full of color and fragrance, every time the man eats, he will taste it carefully, and then give sincere affirmation.
Even in the shopping session, which men hate the most, men will accompany them patiently, and they will also give pertinent comments at critical moments to facilitate whether Xiao Jiang decides to take it.
But I don't know when men began to become more and more perfunctory.
First of all, there is no shopping with accompaniment, the reason is that the work is too busy, people are too tired, and shopping is not as good as online shopping.
Then, on the question of "whether it looks good or not", it is always "okay, you can like it".
Then, at the couple's most intimate dinner time every day, no matter how carefully Xiao Jiang cooked and set the atmosphere, the man hurriedly swallowed the food, casually said "It's okay", and then continued to bury his mobile phone, no longer willing to say more to Xiao Jiang.
The man's coldness and perfunctory made Xiao Jiang feel that something was wrong, and it turned out later that the woman's sixth sense was indeed correct.
The poet Rabindranath Tagore once said:
Listening is part of love because when you love someone, you listen to her.
If you don't love it, you will naturally be indifferent in language, and through perfunctory language, let women fall into the predicament of being cold little by little, and then lose the desire to communicate and exchange, and be disheartened.
Two
No longer cares, indifferent and absent-minded in action
Writer Maugham said:
The tragedy of love is not life and death, the tragedy of love is indifference.
When a relationship enters the cycle of indifference, it becomes impossible to continue.
Reader Dahua said that after discovering that the man was cheating, he pulled and pulled for more than half a year, and the two finally decided to continue living regardless of their previous suspicions.
But Dahua found that although the man said that he was returning, in action, he was becoming more and more indifferent to her and the child day by day. It is true that men will ask for instructions early and report their whereabouts late, but other than that, there is no other act to bridge feelings. In order to bring the relationship between the two people closer, Dahua deliberately chose some movies for men to watch together, but every time they watch a movie, men generally just look down at their mobile phones, and occasionally look up at the screen.
As for the activities of traveling together as a family, men never take the initiative to mention it, and even if they participate, they are always a bystander, always watching from a distance, and rarely going out in person.
Dahua was dissatisfied and yelled a few words with the man, but the man just listened perfunctorily, not refuting or comforting.
Now, Dahua can't stand this perfunctory and indifferent, and is already planning to take the initiative to file for divorce.
Zhang Xiaoxian said:
The biggest harm a man can do to a woman is not that he falls in love with someone else, but that she is disappointed when she has something to expect.
When a man no longer loves a woman, everything he does to the woman will become very perfunctory, no matter what the woman says or does, he will always be absent-minded and unmoved, with only one purpose: to force you to reach the limit of patience, and then take the initiative to leave.
At this time, recognizing the reality and doing a good job of yourself is the most important thing.
Remember, men are not the protagonists of life, life itself is.