A little sister in the background sent a private message saying that she was in pain now, she found out that her husband had a mistress, but after the man apologized and admitted his mistake, he still hid it from her and secretly contacted the woman outside.
This man's operation made the little sister angry and helpless, she didn't want to divorce, but she didn't want to have a threesome, and she was sure that the man didn't want to divorce either.
However, while the man was doubly good to her, she broke off the connection with the woman outside, she really didn't understand the man's operation, and she didn't know how to break the game.
Wong Kar-wai said in a movie:
This life is a process of seeing oneself, seeing heaven and earth, and seeing all beings.
If you want to understand marriage, you must first understand human nature and understand the truth of marriage behind human nature.
One
I have a girlfriend who has been through the same thing. The two are a teenager husband and wife, from the campus to the wedding dress, they have experienced a lot of hardships along the way, and in the most difficult time, the best friend raised the family while taking the children for the man to study in graduate school. Later, for the sake of the child's education, the girlfriend took the child to the provincial capital alone, and left the man in the local area.
Originally, according to the plan, a man only needs 1 to 2 years to reunite with his girlfriend, mother and son, and the state of separation between husband and wife is only one or two years at most, and the two places are only three hours away by car, and it is convenient to travel back and forth.
What makes the best friend sad is that within a few months of separation, the man has an extramarital story. And after the East Window incident, the man comforted his girlfriend while still secretly keeping in touch with the woman outside of marriage.
When she was crazy, her best friend roared angrily at the man:
I've done so much for this family, why are you doing this to me? When I am raising a family alone, when I am alone with my children, when I am alone in a provincial capital, and when I have to work and accompany my school, how hard and tiring it is, do you know?!
But after the roar, the man is still guilty and reluctant to let go with a woman outside of marriage.
Later, my best friend asked for help from a psychological counselor and took a lot of psychology courses, only to know that she was wrong from the beginning, and her behavior after discovering that the man was cheating was even more wrong.
Marriage is all about human nature, and it is essentially a game of power, considering the strength, ability, and trade-offs of both parties.
When you don't understand human nature, when you can't restrain the other party, when the sunk cost of the other party is not high enough, you are already passive at the beginning.
Two
Using the example of best friends, in this marriage, the man has always been the beneficiary, the beneficiary, he did not pay any cost for raising the child, nor did he make too much cost investment for the family, on the contrary, it was the best friend who supported him single-handedly, and has been solving economic problems and family burdens for him, so that although he is burdened with the identity of a married man, he does not need to pay much time, energy and money to the family at all.
Low investment and high returns, coupled with years of relationship, men are naturally reluctant to leave this marriage.
However, the cost of his investment in this marriage is very small, the lower the sunk cost of his life, and the more difficult it is to develop a sense of cherishment, and it can even be said that even if he overthrows it and starts over, his loss is not as great as that of his girlfriend.
Under the domination of human greed and selfishness, he is of course inclined to want both wants and wants, both to stabilize the family and to have pleasure outside of marriage.
There is a famous actor who once bluntly said:
When temptations come in life, men must think about whether everything they have to lose is really worth the risk.
When a man does not pay enough for the marriage, the pain of losing the marriage will not be deep, and he will have no scruples when it comes to hurting the partner in the marriage.
Psychologist Sean Smith said in "Using a Man's Mind to Fall in Love with a Man":
Most of men's changes are very passive, and if they really want to change, they are generally either suffocated in the cruel reality and have to change; Either he met a woman who was worthy of his change, and made him willing to change.
The biggest reason for a man to change his behavior is that if he doesn't, he will pay a heavy price.
Human beings are animals that seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, and morality cannot restrain human nature, and only the advantages and disadvantages can regulate human nature.
Instead of dwelling on why men don't change, it is better to directly increase the sunk cost of men. The real price will make him make the wisest choice.