01
A few days ago, I heard an eldest sister talk about her best friend, and I thought it was very interesting.
Let's call this best friend Sister Chen.
Sister Chen had good academic performance when she was studying, and later went to secondary school. After graduating, he joined a public institution and worked until he retired.
She also has a younger brother who has bad grades and goes out to work early.
When Sister Chen was pregnant, she originally said that her mother would help her take care of the child for two years.
Who knows, before she gave birth, her brother-in-law, who had just gotten married, was pregnant.
The brother-in-law didn't let Sister Chen's mother take care of her, and Chen's mother couldn't bear it and wanted to go. But as soon as her brother and daughter-in-law cried, she still didn't go in the end.
After all, an old lady in the countryside wants to rely on her son and daughter-in-law to support herself in her old age.
Why didn't Sister Chen call her mother-in-law?
Because her father-in-law is disabled, his legs and feet are inconvenient. Usually my mother-in-law is in the countryside and takes care of my father-in-law.
When her mother didn't come, Sister Chen had to pay her husband's aunt to take care of her during her confinement. Fortunately, her aunt was very kind to her.
At the end of the maternity leave, Sister Chen and her husband had no choice, so they still asked her mother-in-law to bring her father-in-law over to help take care of the child.
My mother, I feel sorry for her, but I can't help it.
02
And so the most difficult years passed.
Sister Chen's daughter went to elementary school, and her father-in-law also passed away, so her mother-in-law stayed at her house to help her.
Sister Chen is very grateful to her mother-in-law and very good to her.
As for her own mother, Sister Chen usually subsidizes her. It's just that it doesn't matter if she gives money or buys things, in the end her mother gives it to her brother.
The younger brother gave birth to a daughter for the first time and a second child, and then the two went out to work together, handing over the two children to Sister Chen and her mother.
Usually, the younger brother and his family go back during the New Year's holidays. The family relies on Chen's mother, and Sister Chen takes care of them from time to time.
Later, the younger brother and his family bought a house in the city, and the children were older, so they left Chen's mother alone in her rural hometown.
Until last year, Chen's mother suffered a stroke and was paralyzed and could not take care of herself.
At the beginning, my brother-in-law also wanted to put Chen's mother at Sister Chen's house and let them take care of it.
Sister Chen refused.
She said that her son was not married yet, and she wanted to earn money to buy a house for her son, or hire someone to take care of her mother-in-law, but Sister Chen had to pay most of the cost.
03
In this way, they hired a distant relative to take care of Chen's mother, and the cost was 2,500 per month for Sister Chen, and 1,500 for her brother and daughter-in-law.
Sister Chen also accepted.
Before retiring, her brother-in-law also asked Sister Chen many times about her plans after retirement.
Sister Chen's mother-in-law is 76 years old, and the old man is in good health. My daughter works in Shanghai.
At that time, Sister Chen hadn't thought about what she should do after retirement. Until the end of the Chinese New Year, her daughter suggested that she have time to go out for a walk, travel, or go to Shanghai to accompany her.
Sister Chen's husband has not retired yet, so she can take care of her mother-in-law by the way, and she has no worries for the time being.
Who knows, my brother-in-law learned that she was retired one day, and the next day she called Chen's mother, saying that the nanny who was serving Chen's mother was going to the city to take her grandson. Anyway, Sister Chen is also retired, so she can take care of her own mother.
Sister Chen called the nanny to ask about it, but the person said that her brother-in-law had dismissed her. also said that Sister Chen is retired, so they don't have to spend this money.
Sister Chen was very angry.
What makes her even more angry is still to come. The next day, the younger brother and sister-in-law sent their own mother to her house in person.
When Sister Chen saw it, she was angry: Mom has helped you for most of your life, but when you get old, that's how you treat her?
My brother and daughter-in-law said: Sister, you have good conditions and a lot of pension, so don't worry about us. You see that the second child in my family has to buy a house and get married, and we can't help it.
With that, they put down the man and left.
Looking at Chen's mother's thoughts, although she couldn't speak, she knew everything, and Sister Chen could only settle her first.
It's just that it is not her responsibility to support Chen's mother in the end. Sister Chen thinks that this matter can't be counted like this. And arguing is not what she is good at.
It's just that she couldn't think of a better way for a while.
04
Later, it was Sister Chen's mother-in-law who proposed to let her, the old woman, come forward and talk about it.
So, Sister Chen's mother-in-law personally found her brother-in-law's unit.
At noon, Sister Chen's mother-in-law said to her brother-in-law in front of a group of colleagues:
You can't have no conscience, your mother-in-law raised your husband and helped you raise your two children.
Now, she's paralyzed, and you've found your sister. It's not fair......
Before Sister Chen's mother-in-law finished speaking, her brother-in-law pulled her out.
Who knows, Sister Chen's mother-in-law is not afraid of her, and said: I have time anyway, I heard that your son recently found a girlfriend, otherwise, I will go and tell the girl about it......
At this time, the younger brother and daughter-in-law hurriedly begged for mercy.
She promised to pick up her mother-in-law after work, or let the original nanny take care of her.
That night, the brother and daughter-in-law came over to pick up Chen's mother in person.
Although her brother-in-law's face was very long, Sister Chen felt relieved.
It's not that she doesn't want to support her mother, it's just that if her brother and daughter-in-law pick their sons at this time, I'm afraid that they won't be able to count on them in the future.
Before the brother and daughter-in-law left, Sister Chen also said that in the future, when she is free, she will take her mother over to live for a while. But it should not be her responsibility to provide for her own mother. Originally, she was out of 2500, and this is the big head.
They each take on their own responsibilities.
05
After listening to this story, I think few people can do it like Sister Chen.
I have also seen some retired sisters who want to support their parents and in-laws, and they are not very reluctant, but because of various responsibilities and filial piety, they force themselves to do it.
It's just that I have resentment in my heart, and I'm not happy.
Therefore, it is better to delineate the responsibilities from the beginning.
Don't take care of everything, carry it clearly, and don't wronged yourself.
If Sister Chen takes all of them and sacrifices herself, she may not necessarily see that her younger brother and sister-in-law will be grateful to her. Perhaps, they think that she deserves it, after all, she is her own mother.
The brother-in-law also tried to kidnap Sister Chen on the grounds that she had good economic conditions. Fortunately, Sister Chen is sober.
When it comes to taking care of our parents, we need to understand that more work does not necessarily lead to good results. Although you have the ability and financial conditions to be filial to your parents better than other siblings, it is important to remember that you do not take on all the responsibility of support in isolation yourself.
If you were Sister Chen, what would you do?