When getting along with people, three points of space are crucial. People are too familiar with each other, and it is easy to ignore the feelings of the other party because they know the roots, lose their sense of proportion, and take everything for granted. Even if you are an acquaintance, you will not turn a blind eye to it in your heart, so that you can always pay attention to each other's feelings and listen to each other's voices, so that the relationship can last for a long time.
——Guo Huayue, Reader, Issue 20, 2022
Someone on Zhihu asked:
Why do you always feel very tired and unable to lift your spirits after entering middle age?
Gao Zan replied:
"I get the wrong way of getting along with people, and I am constantly self-depleting psychologically and cannot be replenished."
I read a sentence: "Everyone is looking for the best way to get along with the world all their lives." ”
Life is just a few decades, and in this limited time, every ordinary person and you and I are trying to live.
Find ways to reduce the "cost of trial and error" and try to quickly find your own way to live peacefully with the outside world.
However, only by doing these 3 things right can life be more refreshing and comfortable.
Source: Visual China
Divide some life with outsiders, and the relationship can last for a long time
Have you ever encountered these things:
is willing to be a listener to others, but the other party has to call you to talk to you regardless of the occasion and time, and ask you to respond in a timely manner.
As a result, your relationship with him became more and more estranged, and he complained that you became cold and ruthless.
Kindly helped introduce the job, but the other party thought that there was less money and more things, so he stabbed Lou Zi at two ends in three days, and kept complaining, so that you could find a better job, preferably with a high salary, three days off and two days off.
I was fired because of my bad attitude and inactive work, complaining that you were not good enough, complaining that you were unreliable, and I couldn't even recommend a job to my friends.
I helped my neighbor pick up the express a few times, but the other party took it for granted and sent you the pickup code again and again, never mentioning the hard work of handling.
Eventually, the relationship thinned out, and your interactions became unpleasant and unhappy.
Many times, interpersonal conflicts are due to lack of sense of proportion and too casual in speaking and doing things.
Share a quote from The Reader:
When getting along with people, three points of space are crucial. People are too familiar with each other, and it is easy to ignore the feelings of the other party because they know the roots, lose their sense of proportion, and take everything for granted. Even if you are an acquaintance, you will not turn a blind eye to it in your heart, so that you can always pay attention to each other's feelings and listen to each other's voices, so that the relationship can last for a long time.
Yes, no matter how close the relationship is, if you lack the necessary sense of boundaries, think that you are familiar with each other, do not distinguish between you and me, take property at will, and inquire about privacy, it is easy to produce estrangement and contradictions.
The interaction between people is like two hedgehogs for warmth, getting too close to each other will get hurt.
Keeping an appropriate distance between friends, not entering each other's life without permission, and not interfering in each other's private affairs at will, will get along more and more comfortably, and the relationship will be dull but long-term.
No matter how good the relationship is, there is an invisible demarcation point, and once this point is crossed, there will be a dislike between each other, and the relationship will also light up a red light.
Keeping the sense of boundary with outsiders, you will not fall into the emotional friction of regret and regret, and you will become more and more popular among the crowd, and the friendship will last forever.
Tacit understanding with the family will lead to family harmony
I once swiped a video.
The blogger saw that the hour hand on the wall clock had reached 8 o'clock, and the street lights outside the window were also on, but he still didn't hear the sound of her husband opening the door.
So she went to the underground garage to see if her husband had returned.
It turned out that my husband was sitting in the cab in a daze, his eyes were full of tears, as if he was about to cry at any time.
She went to the supermarket to buy some drinks, vegetables, snacks, and pretended to meet by chance.
When I saw my husband, I took out two bottles of wine, tilted my head, and said with a smile: "Brother, have a drink tonight." ”
That night, at the warm dining table, the husband imagined the scene of the family going out for a picnic and camping on the weekend, and the wife shared the "little anecdotes" of the children laughing toothily and drooling.
Under the light, everyone's eyebrows and eyes are soft, and the corners of their lips are lightly raised.
The tacit understanding between family members is a tacit understanding.
I understand your dignity, your face, and your pressure; You know I'm caring, worried, busy.
But when many people treat their family members, they will unconsciously turn on the condescending "accusation mode":
Seeing that the other party went back to the bedroom early after work to lie down, he scolded the other party for not understanding himself and only knowing how to be lazy;
Seeing that the clothes on the balcony were confiscated and the dishes and chopsticks in the kitchen were not washed, he counted them down and blamed the other party for only knowing how to play with his mobile phone and not tidying up the house......
I like a line from the movie "Moulin Rouge":
There is nothing more wonderful in the world than to love and be loved, and to give and understand each other relatively.
When I saw my lover coming back, my tired eyes and dry lips made me understand how tired the other party was after a hard day;
When you see your lover at home with unkempt hair and messy hair, you know how tired the other person is to take care of the children at home......
Some love is hidden in the small details of life: wet wipes in the bag, stomach medicine, a glass of water at the right temperature by the bed, and a hot meal in the kitchen when you return in the middle of the night......
Empathy, seeing and understanding each other's difficulties and contributions, in order to run the family better and better, and work together to overcome the difficulties of the future.
Source: Visual China
Get along well with yourself, and the future can be bright
Feng Jicai once said: "Mediocre people fill the emptiness with liveliness, and excellent people achieve themselves by being alone." ”
The more mediocre people are, the more enthusiastic they are about low-quality socialization, constantly shuttling through the crowd of people coming and going, proving that they are "popular people", in order to hide their inner poverty and emptiness;
Smart and mature people know how to set up a firewall for their social interactions, leaving a space for their own self-exploration.
Zhang Ruimin, the founder of Haier, is an absolute successful person in the eyes of people.
He can fully enjoy the popularity and praise of everyone, and accept the worship of all walks of life.
But he chose to be alone and raise his level of thought.
In his office, there are more than 5,000 books.
He often turned off his mobile phone, sat alone in the office, flipped through books, circled important words with his pen, frowned and thought about how to do simple things well and to the extreme, how to improve himself and see himself correctly......
It is precisely because of this that he can continue to break the inertia of thinking, broaden his horizons, become the first Chinese entrepreneur to appear on the Harvard Forum, and was awarded the honorary title of "The Most Beautiful Struggler".
There is a saying: "The best state of a person is abundant quiet, and such a state can only be reached by solitude." ”
Many times, we are distressed not because of the event itself.
It's because I think too much, I always think about unpleasant things repeatedly, and I'm too afraid of being the one who "doesn't fit in".
Being alone is not lonely, nor does it mean being unsociable, it is one of the ways to heal internal friction.
When you are alone, you don't have to care about other people's emotions, you don't have to guess what others think, you can have a dialogue directly with yourself and return to your true self.
Only by placing inward and constantly cultivating yourself can you harvest a better self.
Source: Visual China
On the train of life, there will always be all kinds of people getting on the train, and people from all over the world getting off.
As Zhou Guoping said:
"No one can live completely out of society, and no one has to give up their spiritual life for the sake of society."
Have a sense of proportion with outsiders and keep an appropriate distance;
Have a tacit understanding with family members, and be considerate and understanding of each other;
Have a sense of harmony with yourself, grow inward and explore.
I hope that you and I can understand these 3 ways to get along, and while nourishing each other, we can also do our best to continue to strengthen ourselves.
Encourage you.
Author: Lu Lu.