Hello everyone, I'm Xiaomei, 38 years old this year. Recently, the circle of friends has been swiped by other people's happiness, and I became popular when I watched it, and I ruthlessly blocked all the circle of friends. That's right, even if you're happy, don't always show off in front of me!
But when I reflected on my own approach, I realized that behind it was a kind of hatred and displeasure that I had for myself. Today, let me spit out as fast as possible and talk about my thoughts.
The reason why the circle of friends has been swiped recently.
A classmate of ours from college finally conceived twins after a few years of marriage. From preparing for pregnancy to getting pregnant, she shows everything in the circle of friends, pregnant woman photos, delivery videos, everything.
As a person concerned, this is indeed a great joy to be proud of, and it is indeed time to share the joy with friends. But for me, seeing her "show of affection" is to add fuel to the fire, which makes me even more anxious and sad.
I've wanted to have a child since I got married, but so far it hasn't worked. Due to the long-term stress, my body has also been affected a lot, and my menstruation is often irregular. Although some tests have been done, the doctor can't say why.
In this way, I look forward to it year after year, and all I have to wait for is despair. Sometimes I can't sleep in the middle of the night, and when I look at my husband, I secretly cry to myself. Every time my friends have children, I feel even more ashamed and sad. I really want to have a baby!
Perhaps the long-term anxiety and disappointment were accumulating too much, and I began to become more and more irritable. I don't listen to the kind advice of my family and friends, but I will yell at them and vent it. Sometimes I feel that the happiness of others is really dazzling, so I simply block the circle of friends.
But this is only a stopgap measure, and it will not solve my inner troubles. Until one day, I went to the barbershop and met an old friend who gave me some unexpected inspiration.
It turned out that she had also been infertile for many years, and later gave up treatment and adoption. Now her son is 6 years old, and the family of three is happy. She said that when she made the decision to adopt, she suffered thousands of times in her heart, but finally let go of her obsession with herself.
Her words were like a basin of cold water, and finally they reverberated in my heart. I have swiped the circle of friends again and again, and I have become jealous of the happiness of others again and again, but in fact, what is hidden behind it is a deep hatred and self-loathing for myself.
I hated myself for being destined to be barren, hated for being physically flawed; I hated my anxiety and irritability, and I hated my vexatious aggression towards my relatives and friends. And the blocking of the circle of friends is also a kind of self-punishment for his ugly behavior.
But my friend's words made me reflect on whether I was too self-tormenting and harsh. Childbirth is a real pity, but it is not the whole of my life. Instead of dwelling on this and feeling self-loathing, it is better to divert your attention and cherish the happiness in front of you.
In this way, under the guidance of my friends, I gradually opened the shackles in my heart. I began to accept myself and let go of my obsession with childbearing. When I look at the circle of friends, although I still feel a sour feeling occasionally, I don't run away from it, but try to divert my attention.
Instead, I am more attentive to my work and life, and I am more concerned about my physical and mental health. I started a vegetarian diet and had a pet dog at home, so I lived a quiet life.
Gradually, I began to realize that the world is not strange, that each of us has our own circumstances, and that happiness is to be blessed rather than envied. And the friends and relatives around me actually have no malice, and their blessings are all out of good intentions.
In retrospect, why should I hate to see other people's happiness? What I hate is nothing more than my own gaffes and paranoia. Only by accepting ourselves can we let go and see that this world is not so terrible.
So friends, when you hate or envy others, you might as well look inside yourself. Behind your imaginary enemy is often the "real enemy" you should face the most. Let go of your hatred and expectations of yourself, live in the moment, and learn to face everything slowly and peacefully. You'll find that the world isn't that bad.