In "Zhuangzi", it is said: "Life is like a white horse passing through a gap, and it is all of a sudden!" ”
Life is short, it passes in a flash, half a life is in a hurry, half a life is tired, and half a life is bothered.
However, the greatest sorrow of a person is not that he is growing old, but that along the way, we only see others and forget ourselves.
It's 50, stop being sentimental, stop worrying, and take care of yourself, which is the right choice.
1
Nosy, annoying
The ancients had a saying: "There are different things, and people have different people." ”
In the world, some people have very different personalities, some people have unique habits, and some people choose different lives.
Life is wonderful in its own way, and unevenness is a kind of happiness.
But there are always people who are self-righteous, and the good mud has to be put on the wall, and they end up dirty.
If you manage things too widely, you are tired; People manage too much, and others hate it.
There is an incident recorded in "The Lion's Roar":
In the early spring of the first year, Su Shi traveled with his friend Chen Jichang, and in order to add some fun, he specially arranged a courtesan to accompany him.
Chen Jichang's wife, Liu, was furious when she heard the news that her husband was playing with a courtesan.
She angrily ordered Chen Jichang to kneel by the pool as a punishment.
Seeing this, Su Dongpo felt sorry for his friend.
He not only bluntly criticized the Liu family for being too arrogant and unreasonable, but also unceremoniously pointed out that she had not done anything for many years, and Chen Jichang should be allowed to take concubines to continue the incense.
Before she finished speaking, Liu was already furious, and she scolded:
"Phew! You Su Dongpo, you dare to instigate my husband to fool around outside, and now you dare to interfere in our family affairs, it is really unreasonable! ”
After that, the Liu family picked up a stick and drove Su Dongpo out of the mansion.
Su Dongpo never expected that his kindness would end up like this, so he had to flee the scene in disgrace.
"Xingshi Hengyan" said a sentence: "It's not about yourself, don't worry about it, don't speculate on it." ”
Idleness, many troubles; Gossip, more trouble.
Managing the east and the west, losing proportion, idle things become busy, easy things become difficult things.
thinks that he has saved the world, but in fact he is bored, disliked and abandoned by others.
Be a man, don't dwell on too much, be clear about everything, and don't want to be the god in other people's lives.
When you reach middle age, please quit your "helpfulness" and keep to yourself, which is the best arrangement for yourself.
2
It is a kind of wisdom to leave boundaries in everything
There is a "cylinder" rule on the pitch, where each player has control over the cylinder that is made up of the ground and the space above him.
If someone else enters this cylinder, it is a foul.
Being a human being is the same, there are edges and corners, and there are guidelines.
Interfering in a life that does not belong to oneself is a violation of others.
The great writers Wang Jizhen and Shen Congwen often get together to talk about literature and life.
A few years later, Wang Jizhen had the idea of going to the United States for further study.
At that time, there was a shortage of domestic university teachers, and everyone asked Shen Congwen for help, hoping that he could come forward to retain Wang Jizhen.
However, Shen Congwen adhered to his principles and said that he would not interfere with Wang Jizhen's choice.
In the 40s, the society was in turmoil, and everyone wanted to let Shen Congwen take refuge abroad.
So someone suggested that Wang Jizhen should persuade Shen Congwen.
Wang Jizhen knew Shen Congwen's character very well, he shook his head and said: "I know Congwen, he will not leave this homeland easily. ”
So, he just wrote a homely letter, telling Shen Congwen to take care of his body, and nothing else.
Despite their different choices and experiences, the right balance makes the friendship between the two rock-solid.
In the Book of Han, it is said: "When the water is clear, there are no fish, and when people are observed, there are no disciples." ”
Everyone is a moving torch, and if you get too close, you will only burn others and burn yourself.
In any kind of relationship, there is a need to leave a boundary and a blank space.
Guarding every line of defense is the sobriety that a person should have.
Don't think about things you shouldn't think about, and don't get in the way of the other person being who you want to be.
Like, a person can only be responsible for himself in his life.
People live for a lifetime, there is no need to always stare at other people's lives, grasp the size, and have a degree of intimacy, so that you can never get tired of being there.
3
When people reach fifty, please put away your "self-inflicted affection"
Mr. Yang Jiang said: "It is not anyone's desperation that torments you, but the expectation that you have always had illusions."
Most of a person's troubles stem from disappointed expectations.
You treat others as confidants, but he treats you as passers-by; Overestimating oneself and overestimating relationships.
Self-inflicted affection is also self-destruction.
Zhang Yuan and Fan Zhongyan are not only colleagues who work together, but also close friends.
After 18 years as an official in Beijing, Zhang Yuan has never been able to have a public house of his own.
And Fan Zhongyan was worried about Zhang Yuan's situation in his heart, and was always looking for opportunities to buy a house for Zhang Yuan.
In October of the second year of Jing You, Zhang Yuan finally looked forward to the room ticket.
When dividing the room, Fan Zhongyan's favorite house is close to the official road, and it is convenient to enter and exit; What's more, it's also close to the changing room, which is very safe.
So, he planned to leave this house as a surprise to Zhang Yuan.
Unexpectedly, Zhang Yuan looked unhappy after seeing the house.
He thought that this house was left over by someone else, and complained: "Although this house is large, it is close to the official road, and it is too noisy during the day; Next to each other, the sound of changing the husband and beating the guard at night is endless, which is really disturbing people's dreams! ”
After Fan Zhongyan heard this, he had mixed feelings in his heart, thinking that his kindness could bring joy to Zhang Yuan, but he unexpectedly ended up with a thankless end.
There has never been a ruler in the world that can be used to live all people's lives.
self-righteous kindness, sometimes a distraction; Wishful thinking is nothing but self-absorption.
Time flies, more than half of life, you might as well put away your self-inflicted sentimentality.
The ancients had a saying: "Those who know others are wise, and those who know themselves are clear." ”
The wise man stands in the world and learns to weigh his own weight.
Less zealous counsel and more wise silence is more freedom.
Rather than being thankless and consuming energy, it is better to live a prosperous life alone.
Don't mess with your heart, don't be too emotional, allow others to bloom your own flowers, and we just keep our own piece of the world.
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In the life of an adult, the only thing that can be remembered in my heart is myself.
In the eyes of others, you are just a passerby in the crowd.
A poet once said, "When people reach middle age, they learn to refuse and learn to be cold." ”
For people, less expectation, for things, less participation.
It's over half a hundred, learn to discard useless socialization, refuse to be amorous, and don't cling to unworthy relationships.
All the things you can't grasp, even reaching out are superfluous, it's better to turn around and walk away in style, and treat everything indifferently.