Narrator: Zhou Lixia / Finishing: Sunflower / Photo: Internet
I am Zhou Lixia, 53 years old this year, retired from our local enterprise in Hebei, with a monthly pension of 2800. I used to work in the canteen of the unit, but after I retired, I had a lot of choices, such as going to a newly opened kindergarten or going to a hotel to help the cook, and I could have 4,000 to 5,000 a month.
However, I was obliged to take care of my parents full-time at home, my father was 83 years old and could still take care of herself, and my mother had a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 81 and had sequelae, so I usually had to use crutches and a wheelchair when I went out.
At that time, when I was about to make this choice, my wife was very anxious, he said: You also have 1 sister and 1 younger brother in your family, and the three of you will make 1500 each, let's find a live-in nanny for the old couple, can't you? Why do you have to sacrifice yourself to take care of yourself full-time? Why didn't my sister and brother say to give up everything and take care of their parents?
But I don't, I still think that my wife provokes the feelings between our sister and brother, and I have to take care of it. But now that 3 years have passed, I have regretted it a lot, and as a person who has come over, I advise everyone that after retirement, whether you want to take care of the elderly full-time, you must do what you can. The reason why I regret it is mainly because of these 3 points:
01 Only child is enough, if it is a family with many children, everyone's responsibilities must be reasonably arranged.
Regarding the care of parents, if there is only one child of us, then it is enough, and it is our responsibility to take care of our parents, and it is incumbent on us.
However, single-child families should also learn to rely on external forces, such as hiring a live-in aunt or a part-time worker, which can reduce a lot of burdens for themselves. We can go home every day to see our parents, or install a camera at home to see the situation at home at any time.
However, if it is a family with many children, such as my family, with 1 sister and 1 younger brother, then it is necessary to consider the distribution of responsibilities for each person.
For example, I live full-time at my parents' house to take care of them, my sister and brother are much more relaxed, they run more often at the beginning, two or three times a week, but since I lived here, slowly, they come once a week, gradually, once every two weeks, and even sometimes they go out to travel for a week and a half for half a month, and they don't say hello.
In their hearts, they gradually lost their concern for their parents, and even said that whoever is close to our parents can spend their parents' pensions. It seems that I spent all my parents' money.
Because they gradually become less responsible, when their parents are hospitalized, we will also have some small conflicts because of who takes care of more and who takes care of less, in short, the relationship between sisters and brothers becomes very delicate. If one day, my parents are gone, it is estimated that our relationship will fall apart, and they will think that I have taken a lot of benefits from my parents, and I am really difficult inside and out.
02 We should also think more about our own retirement.
After the age of 50 or 60, although it is not very old, but the physical function is declining year by year, and there are more small problems in the body.
If I insist on going out to work every month, so that I can have a pension of 7,000-8,000 a month, in addition to giving 1,500 to my parents and 1,500 for my own living expenses, I can also save 4,000, which is 50,000 a year, and I can have a deposit of 150,000 yuan for the three years of taking care of my parents.
This 150,000 yuan, if the parents are in poor health and need to spend money, we can take it out quickly, and we can also give the parents good medical conditions. However, full-time at home, parents can still take care of themselves and semi-self-care, and we can't do anything at home, which means that we can't earn this money, and we only live on wages, and every month is moonlight.
It's not that I say that taking care of your parents delays earning money, but that you need to do what you can. If my parents couldn't take care of themselves at my age, then no matter how much money I could earn outside, I wouldn't have gone. Adoptive parents are the responsibility of their children. We need to analyze specific problems on a case-by-case basis.
03 If you encounter an elderly person who is difficult to serve, your mentality is really easy to collapse and it is difficult to heal yourself.
For example, although my parents can take care of themselves, but their temper is not the same as before, and they always find fault with me, for example, almost every meal I cook is not to their taste, either it is idle or it is light, or the rice is too hard, or the rice soup is too thin, anyway, every meal can find problems.
Moreover, if you encounter any problem, you have to fight against you like a child, such as it's time to wash your hair, you have to go far away, you can't wash it no matter how much you persuade it, and you have to drag it out for a week before you can barely let it be wiped. It's time to take medicine, don't take it, it's not that it doesn't work. All kinds of confrontations, and it is not easy to make sense, and I am very tired.
My parents can still take care of themselves, and if we meet an elderly person who is disabled, bedridden for several years, or an elderly person with dementia, it is even more important for us to worry about it all the time.
It's not that it's wrong to take care of yourself full-time, if we can, we can use external forces, it's best to use it. For example, I have a part-time worker at home, or a nanny and aunt during the day, so that I can save a lot of time, and I can also go out to do something, change my mood, and come home every day to take care of my parents, the mood is not the same, and the parents' mood will be brighter, isn't it better?
Of course, some friends will say that our family conditions do not allow, and just one child, if this is really the case, then as children, we must adjust our mentality at any time, this situation can only be self-sufficient, want to open a point, enlighten yourself, and work hard to face it.
No matter what age we are, in addition to taking care of our parents and family, we have to learn to love ourselves, because life is too short, and many times we can't take a break and take a breath, and it comes to an end.
Therefore, we must cherish every day, love ourselves, and make ourselves warm and happy, so as to better warm our families, don't you say?