Author: Insight Annabesu
Venerable Hongyi once said:
"Whatever you want to control, you actually control. When you don't want anything, heaven and earth are all yours, the road is simple, no desire is rigid, and no action is everything. ”
No one can fully control the laws of things in the world and the direction of their own destiny.
Control is better than reconciliation, what you can't get is fate, and what you can't get through is handed over to time.
The so-called inaction is to let go of obsession. Lower your expectations and stay on top.
01
- What you care about will become your shackles.
I have seen a topic on Weibo: How tired are people who care too much about other people's opinions?
Some people say that when you see an abnormal expression, you wonder if you have said the wrong thing;
If you make an innocuous mistake and worry that others will be disappointed in you, you will blame yourself in your heart for a long time;
I didn't even start doing anything, but I was already starting to feel tired......
At the end of the day, for people who care too much about their opinions, any disturbance in the outside world is enough to stir up a hurricane within them.
Zhihu netizen @Juno was once such a person.
Since middle school, she has been very concerned about what others think.
I heard that her calves were thick, and she never showed her calves again;
After work, her colleague kindly shared her outfit, and she thought that her colleague thought she was dressed dirty and ugly;
The leader pointed out the flaws in her work, and she believed that the leader was deliberately targeting herself.
Because she is always over-interpreting other people's words and deeds, she falls into huge internal friction and lives a tangled life.
Milan Kundera once said that giving oneself to the eyes of others is the source of uneasiness and suspicion.
But in fact, you don't have so many audiences, when we choose to ignore the eyes of the outside world, we can pull out the thorn in our hearts and live a life that is not invaded.
When Feng Tang translated and published "Flying Birds" that year, it caused ridicule; After becoming a host across the border, he attracted another scolding.
But he never cared about what other people thought, but only focused on his own goals, thinking about how he could do it.
In his opinion, the evaluation of the outside world is far less important than being yourself.
As he himself said: every cow has a certain core, so that it is not easy to be blown away by the wind in the universe.
If you are too much in the unexpected world, you will only let yourself waver and stagnate.
When we minimize external voices and focus on what we want, we can live freely and openly in our own rhythm.
02
- What you look forward to will become your torment.
The classical teacher once said:
"We always hope that life will be as we wish, that we will be rich, that we will be successful, but in the end, most of our hopes will be disappointed and hit hard."
Heaven does not fulfill people's wishes, and it is difficult to follow people's hearts.
If you expect too much from everything, you will only suffer from disappointment again and again.
In the TV series "To a Windy Place", online writer Damai very much hopes that every story he writes can be popular.
As a result, she often crouched in front of the computer, hurting the negative comments of readers, and also suffered from the dismal reading volume.
As a result, I couldn't write for a long time.
Under the persuasion of her friends, she began to hold the mentality of "no matter how bad it is, it's like this", focusing on every story she writes and carefully designing the ups and downs of the plot.
When she lowered her expectations, people began to relax and inspiration became endless.
There is often a paradox in life: the more you look forward to something, the more it will become your torment.
The pursuit of perfection is bound to have no hope in life;
The pursuit of worldly success is often carried away by anxiety.
We can't control how things go, but we can adjust our mindset according to circumstances.
As Gibran put it:
"When you stop aspiring to be successful, just do it; You no longer pursue empty growth, but just begin to cultivate your own temperament, and everything in your life really begins. ”
Keep your expectations to a minimum, and life will give you unexpected surprises.
03
- What you force will become your trouble.
If something is enough on tiptoe, then go for it, it's called effort.
But you have to jump to get there, so don't bother, because no matter how high you jump, you will eventually fall, which is called force.
Many times, if you don't hit the south wall and don't look back, you can only get yourself covered in injuries.
I have a friend who studied all the way from a small county town and was admitted to a 985 college in Beijing.
After graduation, he married the girl he loved in college, settled down in Wuhan, and had a pair of children, which can be described as a happy family.
But he felt that this was not enough.
The nearby school district can already meet the educational needs of his children, but he insists on stuffing his children into private schools with tuition fees of more than 100,000 yuan a year.
He was originally a middle-level in the company, but he listened to the instigation of others to invest indiscriminately, which led to his own high debts.
He was obsessed with living a life of "human superiority", not only tormenting himself to the point of exhaustion, but his wife also complained about him.
If you blindly take both and do not know how to give up, there is nothing to take.
Perhaps the sign of a person's maturity is to be able to balance desire and reality, and no longer force those things that are out of their reach.
Actor Yongmei got the first actress in her life when she was not confused.
Honors, but she didn't take the opportunity to produce more works. Because she knows that this is already her peak moment, and no matter how hard she tries, she can't surpass it.
In the days when she is not acting, she returns to her family, accompanies her children, plays with flowers and plants, and lives a quiet and quiet life.
Many years ago, Shen Fu once wrote in "Six Tales of Floating Life": Life is busy, competing for short and long, but there are times when there is no glory and dying, and the gains and losses are difficult to measure.
In this life, it is completely unpredictable to gain or lose, good or bad.
Demanding everything will only increase your troubles.
It is better to follow the river of time and follow the rhythm of fate.
Let everything go naturally, and your heart can be calm, safe, and indifferent.
04
- If you can't let go, it will become your abyss.
The CCTV host once interviewed Zhou Youguang, the "father of Chinese pinyin", and asked him the secret of happiness.
Zhou Lao's answer is very simple: you can think about everything and look forward.
When people live to a certain age, they should learn to close the door behind them and seal up all past grievances.
When I read the novel "On the Clouds" by the young writer Bad Student, I always feel uneasy for that stubborn mother.
At the beginning, she insisted on marrying her husband, but the other party cheated after marriage, she divorced in anger and left with her children.
Because of her grudge against her ex-husband, she distanced herself from him, did not accept his financial compensation, and did not allow him to visit the children.
As a result, life has become much harder.
After years of hard work and depression, my mother finally suffered from breast cancer and passed away in regret.
Such people are also common in reality. could have let go of past grievances and live life a little easier, but because of obsession, he dragged himself into the abyss.
Oscar Wilde once said, "For my own sake, I must forgive some people." For a man cannot keep a viper in his breast forever, nor can he get up night and night to plant thorns in the garden of the soul. ”
There are many unfair things that happen in a person's life.
There are many ways to deal with it, but punishing ourselves for the mistakes of others is undoubtedly the stupidest one.
Because the more unwillingness and resentment a person retains, the more things that can hurt you.
Learn to turn the page, let go of what should be put down, and forget what can be forgotten.
No longer staring into the abyss in order to save yourself from the abyss.
▽
Bai Yansong once said: What kind of attitude you use to treat fate, fate will give back to you in the same way.
If people are not burdened by gains and losses, not trapped by obsessions, and not hurt by the past, they can break free from the shackles of the world and gain freedom in life.