Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
Marriage, for women, is a sweet belonging, but also a turning point in life.
It's not just two people who love each other coming together, it's the merging of two families.
Therefore, how to gain a firm foothold in the in-law's family and how to have a good relationship with the in-law's family is a topic that we must face after marriage.
Women must be assertive and responsible in their in-laws' family. Not only do you have to take care of yourself and your husband, but you also have to contribute to the happiness of your family.
In this way, the in-laws will look down on you, and the woman's status in the family will be stable.
Those women who will not suffer in their in-laws' family after marriage often have three wisdoms.
01
Respect and understanding
A wise woman understands that respect is mutual.
Therefore, after they enter their in-laws' house, they will treat everyone in their in-laws' family with respect and understanding.
For example, she will take the initiative to understand the living habits of her in-laws, try to adapt to them, and then find ways to integrate into them.
When there is a disagreement, she will choose to discuss it rather than directly conflict.
She will express her opinions in a calm tone, and then she can also listen to the other person's thoughts.
As Confucius said, "Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you." ”
Smart women know how to empathize, they will not impose their will on others, but will find a practice that is acceptable to both parties.
Such women are often respected in their in-laws' families and will not suffer easily.
After Ziyue got married, she found that her in-laws' eating habits were completely different from those of her own family.
When she first married into her in-law's family, she was very uncomfortable. However, she didn't complain about anything, and she didn't try to change the taste of her in-laws.
Because she knows that every family has its own habits and cannot be forced.
So, she took the initiative to chat with her mother-in-law, asked her mother-in-law how these dishes were made, and by the way, she learned why her mother-in-law's family loved to eat these dishes.
Then, she made her own suggestion to her mother-in-law to see if she could make some of her favorite foods while keeping the traditional dishes of her mother-in-law's family.
After a few conversations, the problem was quickly resolved, and everyone was happy.
02
Financially independent and have their own business
If a woman wants to not suffer losses in her in-law's family, then at least you must be "financially independent".
Smart women know that only by being financially independent can you have more say in your in-laws' family.
After they get married, they will not completely rely on their husbands or in-laws to live, but continue to go to their own classes and have a stable income every month.
Marie Curie once said, "The road must be walked by oneself, so that it can be wider and wider." ”
A wise woman understands that financial independence is not just for money, but also for her own dignity and agency.
When you encounter unfair treatment in your in-law's house, you can have enough confidence to fight it.
Xiaotong's in-laws are in good condition, even if she doesn't go to work, she can live a comfortable life.
But she was very assertive, and she didn't give up her job after getting married, but chose to continue working.
Because she knows in her heart that she can spend more confidence when she makes money, and only when she speaks at home can she have weight.
The mother-in-law's family sometimes says that Xiaotong does not point to her salary to live, so that she spends more time at home.
But Xiaotong didn't give in, and he didn't make a big noise, but said his thoughts very confidently. She used her ability to speak and let her in-laws know that she is also capable, not just doing housework and taking care of children.
After a long time, the people of her mother-in-law's family began to understand Xiaotong's thoughts and respected her choice more.
03
Stick to principles and bottom lines
Women who don't suffer in their in-laws' families have their own very clear principles and bottom lines.
They know that while respect and understanding are needed, there are some things that cannot be compromised.
When they encounter things that touch their principles and bottom line, they will stand firm and fight for themselves, rather than making compromises.
Aristotle once said, "What we do day in and day out determines who we are." Therefore, the so-called "quality" refers to the "day in and day out" thing. ”
Smart women, in their daily life, will always keep their principles and bottom line, build a good image for themselves in their in-laws, and find a position.
After marrying into her mother-in-law's family, Zhizhi achieved filial piety and respect, but when her mother-in-law made some excessive demands, such as asking her to give up her job and take care of the family full-time, Zhizhi would clearly refuse.
She will express her thoughts clearly, work and family are important to her, and she is not willing to give up one for the sake of the other. Eventually, the mother-in-law understood Zhizhi's thoughts and respected her choice.
After getting married, a woman who will not suffer in her in-law's family will often have the above three smarts.
As Socrates said, "The warmest love often has the coldest ending." ”
A wise woman knows that marriage is not the end of love, but the beginning of a new life. At this new starting point, they will use their wisdom and efforts to write their own chapter of happiness.