1
Received a letter from a reader that reads as follows:
Hello Taotao, I've been reading the stories you wrote and treating you as a bosom sister. Now, I've got a tricky matter and want to hear your advice.
My name is Jingjing, I am 24 years old this year, and I have graduated from college for more than two years.
My boyfriend Xiao Zhou and I were college classmates, we were together in our junior year, and now we have been together for more than 3 years.
Xiaozhou and my hometown are in the same city, different counties, but they are not far away.
After graduating, we went back to our hometown together and found a job.
It was also at that time that Xiao Zhou and I began to live together.
The two of us have a good relationship, and we didn't plan to get married so early, so we thought about fighting for a few more years, at least to buy a house.
Originally, we planned to get married next year or the year after. Unexpectedly, I got pregnant unexpectedly.
After the initial panic, I sat down with Xiao Zhou and had a serious conversation. This child, we intend to give birth.
However, I didn't dare to tell my parents, so I only told Xiaozhou's parents.
Before May Day, the two parents met and agreed that we would have a wedding in June. The bride price is 80,000 yuan, and the two families of the wedding house each pay 150,000 yuan, and pay the down payment together.
2
Originally, I happily looked at the house with Xiao Zhou and bought things related to marriage.
Last week, my mother-in-law came to see us and she kept vomiting.
My mother-in-law didn't care, she just thought it was an upset stomach. The next day, she was still like this, and Xiaozhou took her mother-in-law to the hospital.
Who knows, the mother-in-law is pregnant, and the child has been more than two months old. When you count the time, it's about the same as my due date.
Here, it is necessary to introduce the situation of her mother-in-law, she gave birth to Xiaozhou at the age of 19, and she is only 44 years old this year, and she has been very well maintained.
When she walked out, others thought she was Xiaozhou's sister.
Xiaozhou's family mainly relies on his father, who is a teacher in a middle school. Her mother-in-law used to take care of Xiao Zhou's schooling, and when Xiao Zhou went to college, she worked odd jobs at a supermarket near her home.
Economic conditions, how to put it, that's it.
As for my family, just one of my daughters, both parents have jobs, and there is a pension when they are old.
Originally, I thought that Xiaozhou's parents would not want this child after considering their own conditions.
Unexpectedly, they were determined to give birth to this child.
The father-in-law also said that this was a gift from God, and the mother-in-law was originally on the ring, who knew that there would be such a surprise.
3
It just so happened that my mom came to see me, saw that I was distressed, and asked me if something had happened.
I held it back for a long time, and I wanted to talk to someone, so I confessed to my mother that I was pregnant. My mom said, that's a good thing.
I said, not only am I pregnant, but my mother-in-law is also pregnant with a second child, and the due date is similar to mine.
When my mom heard this, she was stunned.
In the evening, she discussed with my dad, and the attitudes of both of them changed. Originally, they were very much in favor of our marriage, but now my mother persuaded me to break up.
My mother said that my mother-in-law gave birth to a second child, and when I was confined, who would take care of me? She is not yet of retirement age.
The most important thing is that my mother-in-law has no job and raises this second child, in case something happens to them, then I and Xiaozhou have to bear it. That's a lot of pressure on us.
Hearing her say this, I hesitated even more.
I told Xiao Zhou, and he said, I just think too much. Anyway, if the wants to give birth, let her give birth. He has no right to interfere in his parents' affairs.
I told Xiao Zhou about my mother's worries. Who knows, he looks at me like a stranger: there is no shadow, what are you worried about? Besides, why don't you want to do something good?
I was speechless for a moment.
To be honest, these days, I'm also conflicted. On the one hand, my parents were resolutely opposed, saying that if it didn't work, the marriage would be canceled.
On the one hand, I was worried, afraid of what if my mom said it happened.
Now, my parents have given me an ultimatum that I must have surgery next week and break up with Xiao Zhou. After all, I'm still young and have a choice.
But Xiao Zhou loves me so much, I feel that I miss him, and it will be difficult for me to find someone better than him.
My mother said, no, let Xiaozhou's mother not have a second child. This requirement is even more difficult.
Now, I don't know what to do? According to the agreement, Xiaozhou and I will go to get the certificate in a few days.
I'm confused and want to hear everyone's advice.
4
桃桃回复:
First, regarding the issue of confinement, there is a confinement center. When the time comes, you and your mother-in-law can go to the confinement center. In this way, there is no question of who will take care of it.
According to their economic conditions, I think this should be satisfied.
Second, my mother is worried that if something happens to her in-laws, this second child will be a burden on you and Xiaozhou.
At present, this situation may exist, but the probability of such a situation is very small.
Just like Xiao Zhou said, only when you think about good things can you meet good things.
Personally, I think you have to see if you and Xiaozhou have the ability to support your own small family.
In the long run, as the in-laws get older, there may be some physical and financial problems in the process of raising a second child. These tests are your and Xiaozhou's ability to take risks in the future.
Ask yourself, are you worried that there will be no one to take your child? Or are you worried that your in-laws won't be able to support you wholeheartedly? Or are you worried that your in-laws will be a burden to you?
Are you worried about your lack of confidence in yourself, or your lack of confidence in Xiaozhou?
Of course, before getting married, it is no problem to analyze all kinds of pros and cons clearly and be prepared, and you are also responsible for your own life.
Third, you can't take away your mother-in-law's reproductive rights, and you don't have to embarrass her.
And whether you want to give birth to yourself or whether you want to continue this relationship is something you can grasp.
Your relationship with Xiaozhou is fine, if you think he is a responsible man who can accompany you to face the ups and downs of life, there is nothing to worry about.
Life is a choice, no matter how you choose, there may be regrets, and they are not perfect. The premise is, you have to accept it.