In intimate relationships, trust is the most important factor in achieving a harmonious relationship. I believe that no one will disagree with this point of view, which is arguably the simplest conclusion. But what role does trust play in intimate relationships? How is trust built? How to maintain it? How do you make the other person feel it? This is a very complex logic.
I believe that we all have realistic experience, when we communicate with our partners, our brains originally uphold the idea of trusting each other, but the language we end up saying may be constantly hurting each other, and making the other party obviously feel distrustful, why is this? This is the result of the wrong use of the logic of our trust, and the damage to intimacy is obvious to all.
It is not uncommon for couples to get into arguments just because of a few words, so how to avoid this phenomenon? How do you make intimacy truly based on trust? As a psychologist who studies human behavior, it is obliged to enter the underlying logic of intimate relationship trust, to explore various measures of trust, to find effective measures to establish trust relationships, and to realize that trust is an effective tool in intimate relationships.
John S. M. Gottman, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, has been engaged in the study of family relationships for 50 years, and is a well-known expert in the field of marriage and interpersonal relationships.
In his 50 years of research, he has used experimental methods to explore the role of trust in intimate relationships, using various techniques of observation and intervention, and personally engaged in the harmony of intimate relationships. How was it lost? What are the effective tools to keep intimacy moving in the direction of more trust? And now he has turned 50 years of scientific research into such a book, "The Science of Trust".
Trust is a relationship that is built between two people. Since it is a relationship between two people, some concepts of game theory will inevitably be involved in science. In game theory, there are different development directions based on different basic settings, and their application in our reality will also have different impacts.
For example, the zero-sum game that we are very familiar with requires that both sides of the game must first satisfy themselves, and this kind of game is bound to be tragic. In fact, many of our intimate relationships get along with each other in a zero-sum game, which is a game of victory and defeat, and the result is bound to be a lose-lose situation.
There is also the "prisoner's dilemma" game, which is very similar to how we get along in intimate relationships. In an intimate relationship, cooperation is a win-win situation, but if either party betrays, the other party will be hurt more seriously, which makes this game full of uncertainty, and it is the most similar way of playing when we solve intimate relationships.
In this book, the author also proposes the role of trust in the game and the importance of finding the right way to get along. And countless facts have proven that being able to express yourself openly and trust each other in an intimate relationship will ultimately benefit both parties.
Of course, in this kind of game, there will indeed be betrayal, so how to save the intimate relationship at this time? The author proposes a "comparative level" of feelings as a way to evaluate the actual rewards and the possible returns in a substitute relationship, which is actually a game between maintaining the relationship and betraying the relationship. Of course, there will inevitably be a part of intimacy that will fail, which is also inevitable, but being able to better maintain intimacy must also be our unanimous pursuit.
In this book, the author provides us with a large number of real intimate relationship scenes, which are very similar to us in life. The author has added a lot of corresponding annotations in these scenes with his own knowledge, so that we can really understand the problems in these communications, and also allow us who read this book to discover the problems that we may encounter in the communication of our dear relationships in reality, and look for corresponding solutions.
The role of trust in intimate relationships is so important, and the corresponding scientific research must also require our special attention, so let's understand trust through the reading of such a book "The Science of Trust", and use the results of psychologists to guide ourselves. #信任的##心理##亲密关系#