Talking about love: What does true love look like?
This article combines the discourse of some psychology majors, mainly from psychology and practical life to talk about love, rather than from simple feelings and wishes.
In fact, love is not ethereal, not just a feeling, real love has boundaries and directions.
When you fall in love with someone for whatever reason (hormones or chemistry) and establish a love relationship with the person you love, you are no longer your original self, and love begins to transform you. Why does love transform us? Psychologists reveal to us the nature of love.
Psychologists have discovered that true love is not a general human emotion, but an extremely noble and at the same time very complex human emotion. True love always involves understanding, tolerance, patience, giving, sacrifice and creation, which are the greatest human qualities.
So here's the point: these greatest human spiritual qualities are basically lacking before we enter into loving relationships. In this way, we must have a conscious awareness when we enter into a loving relationship, and strive to develop our whole personality in order to develop our spiritual qualities and practical abilities more perfectly.
Psychologist E. Fromm understands this most profoundly. Fromm believes that love is a product of personality development, and love is not a product of desire.
So if you want to have a good love or a good intimate relationship, you must have enough ability.
A good relationship belongs to someone who has a perfect personality and a mature soul in the relationship. ------But this is exactly what both parties do not realize and lack, after all, how to know themselves and deal with intimate relationships is not taught in school, and it is also a blind spot in family education. Many people come to intimate relationships with the model of their original family and their own automatic mode, which is the so-called easy to fall in love and difficult to get along.
When you are in the process of developing your personality with all your might, your understanding of love will become deeper and richer, and you will go beyond the superficial understanding of love. In addition, you will continue to gain the ability to love, and this ability to love will not only be felt by the person you love, but it will also stimulate his potential to love and guide him to learn to be loved and to love. Life affects life, that's what it is.
So how do you develop your personality healthily?
1. Care for yourself and heal yourself
Everyone walks into a new intimate relationship with the imprint of the original family, and in the mapping of intimacy, you will find that sensitive, fragile, suspicious, unconfident, or irritable selves are incomplete, or have a huge emotional black hole, such as low value, low self-esteem, unworthiness, etc., insecurity, abandonment, etc. Whoever you meet at this time, you are still yourself, so the first step is to care for yourself, heal yourself, and see the former child.
The best lover is first and foremost yourself.
The path that many women tend to fall into is not seeing themselves --- desperately giving--- disappointed and complaining--- relationship breakdown
2. Self-reflection
In the process of developing our own personality with all our might, we learn to reflect and learn to discover our own problems, so as to change ourselves with great confidence. It is often said that love is the best school for human nature. This is not false at all. There is also a saying: who suffers changes it.
If a person enters a love life or intimate relationship with a passive mentality, he does not have any motivation and behavior to actively develop his personality in the love relationship, and always waits for the other party to solve problems when they arise, blindly dodging or doing things passively. Then it is difficult for this relationship to enter a virtuous cycle of development.
Any individual in a loving relationship must understand that love has demands on us, and it demands a lot. If we can meet the requirements of love, love can be maintained and developed; On the contrary, if we fail to meet the requirements of love, love will dry up. Love always flows to someone who is not lacking in love.
3. Empathy
Empathy is also a kind of high-order love ability, from the perspective of "people", the people around us are not as perfect as we think, nor as bad as we think. We ourselves are the same, we have a lot of shortcomings and shortcomings that we are not aware of, allowing ourselves to have shortcomings, allowing our partners and children to have shortcomings, allowing others to be prejudiced against us.
More importantly, when things are different from your expectations, being able to empathize often allows things to be resolved more gently. The world is not so narrow, relationships are not so strained, and we don't need to stand up our hairs and be on the defensive.
Fourth, look at the main advantages of people
In a relationship, being able to see the main strengths of the other person is the core factor for the relationship to survive and develop, and no one wants to live in denial and blame.
Of course, ignoring the secondary and secondary, it takes a high level of life energy to embrace it.
Wishing to have a good love and being able to have a good love are two different things.
In a word: true love needs to be discovered with discernment, and it needs to be continuously built.
Comes with a few traits of true love:
1. True love must be a positive emotional feeling that makes you feel safe or warm.
2. True love is not words, but actions
3. True love does not look at what the other party does but does not do it, true love must not take the initiative to do things that hurt the other party; Don't make it uncomfortable easily.
4. True love must carry two important qualities: responsibility and commitment.