Text/Xia Mo
01, frontispiece
Interacting with people is like drinking water, if it is too hot, it will burn your mouth, and if it is too cold, it will hurt your stomach.
Although the in-laws are a family, they also have to be distant from each other.
When the two families get along, they maintain a certain temperature, not close or far, but make each other comfortable.
The following things of the in-laws, really don't help, the more you help, the worse the relationship, so as not to affect the child's marriage.
02. Don't judge right or wrong in matters between in-laws and husbands
Once, I was chatting with my girlfriend, and she looked angry and in a bad mood.
I asked her what was wrong, and she said that her father-in-law and mother-in-law quarreled and quarreled fiercely, and her mother-in-law packed up her things in a fit of anger and lived in their little family's house.
It just so happened that her mother came to deliver some fruit, so she followed up with a few words of persuasion. Let her not always wronged herself and say what is in her heart.
After the mother-in-law went back, she scolded her father-in-law.
The father-in-law coaxed and stabilized the mother-in-law's mood. As a result, the mother-in-law said that she was her own mother and asked her to do this.
On the same day, my father-in-law called and scolded my mother. There was a conflict between her mother-in-law's family and her mother's family, and she was caught in the middle and was very angry.
Don't interfere with the affairs between husband and wife, don't care.
In the matter of the two people, it is difficult for the Qing officials to judge right and wrong. Especially between in-laws, the relationship is not so deep, and the understanding of each other is limited, let alone judgment.
Don't be curious, don't inquire, don't ask about the housework of your in-laws, and don't go to others to judge them, just take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself, listen more, watch more, talk less.
The in-laws are sad, just soothe the other party's emotions, and they still need to deal with the affairs of the family themselves.
03. The in-laws let you mortgage and be a guarantor, don't help
In life, there are some people who, after being short of money, can't borrow by themselves, and if they can't get a loan, they will find family and friends as a guarantee.
In fact, being a guarantor and mortgaging property is not a simple matter of signing a name, you need to take huge risks.
In other words, he has the ability to repay the money, and you are safe and sound, and you will not receive any benefit; But he can't pay it back, and you need to take responsibility with him and get into a lawsuit.
To put it bluntly, being a mortgage and guarantor is more troublesome than directly lending money to the other party.
Get along with your in-laws, even if you trust your in-laws and recognize each other's abilities, don't help him be a guarantor.
The closer the person, the less likely it is to have any financial disputes, which is not conducive to managing feelings.
Zhou Guoping said: "The sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to observe the necessary distance between people in interpersonal communication. ”
The best way for your in-laws to let you be a mortgage and guarantor is to shirk.
You can say that you don't understand, your ability is limited, and you can't make this guarantee. A refusal made him dispel this idea.
If you don't have financial entanglements with your in-laws, and the other party is in difficulty, you can give some help, but you have to do what you can.
04. If there is a conflict between the in-laws and children, don't interfere
Wang Ruofu in "Do You Know" was bewitched by her sister and poisoned her mother-in-law.
Minglan seeks justice for her grandmother, and she is bound to find out everything about this matter.
Wang Ruofu's mother immediately brought people to the rescue, no matter how much mistake her daughter made, she wanted to gently expose the matter.
Sheng Hong said something very reasonable: No wonder Wang Ruofu and his sister have no fear in doing things, because they conclude that even if something goes wrong, their mother's family will protect them and support them, causing them to act lawlessly and dare to break into any kind of disaster.
Zhu Xi said: "The doting ones are unknown, and the greedy ones are insatiable." ”
There is a conflict between the in-laws and the children, and a slap can't make a sound, and it can't tell whether it's right or wrong.
After all, two people should have to get along for a long time, and there is no way to avoid it, so they should let them run in by themselves, and don't help their children.
After a long time as the family accumulates some feelings, the relationship will naturally reconcile.
If so, if your children are really wronged and cannot live in harmony with their in-laws, do not make any decisions for your children and let them make their own decisions.
As a parent, it is good to support your children's decisions unconditionally.
05. Summary
Communicate with your in-laws, manage the relationship on the surface, and don't be too strong.
People are a family, you need to know your identity, don't interfere too much.
Don't favor your children, don't stand on the opposite side of each other in order to protect your children, and let the conflict intensify.
When getting along with in-laws, we must grasp a good sense of proportion and establish friendly exchanges. Neither humble nor arrogant, give children the right to make decisions.
If you are sensible, have rules and regulations, and have rules when getting along, you can get more respect from your in-laws.
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Author: Xia Mo, a cutting-edge emotional tutor, a psychology scholar, a popular emotional writer with more than 1 billion people on the whole network, a happy woman manager, focusing on emotion, sexes, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for more than ten years.